I may ramble.So i've been on hormone 2 and a half years. 25,Virgin, no social skills,lesbian i think, still look androgynous ofwhich i have a hate and love relationship with. During middle and high school i was drawn away from reality, no thought or emotions, just video game, essentially a GHOST IN A SHELL.( How i always wished i was like motoko ) So now i'm just a badass spiritual metal head music lover trying to get my life together.

My penis has always been irrelevant to me, but after starting hormones i've always wished i had a vagina. My testicles are disgusting to say the least. Heres my issue i somewhat find the idea of penetrating a woman hot. Although my only attempt to do so ended badly for me my dysphoria took over, body shut down nothing worked. Yet after my second year mark i started geting a tingling sensation in my heart when ever my eyes and a cute guys eyes locked which freaks the hell out of me but this is not the issue. I feel like i should have a vagina but the feeling of wanting to penetrate a girl stops me yet i dont want to make a decision base on sex yet so far the only reason to keep the thing is for sex which i may not have for years to come. For me a vagina feels right. Any lesbian know the feeling or anyone?

In that case, picture yourself as the woman being penetrated. See how that plays in your mind. That may give you some guidance on how to proceed with your life.

This kind of rang a bell for me.  I enjoy penetrative sex with my wife, but when masturbating I only think of myself having a vagina while rubbing my clitoris.  I've had sex with men and what brings me to climax is visualizating his penis in my vagina.  The reason I'm on this road is due to at one point I thought I was gay, but never felt right with him my bum.  I know now that I need a vagina to have sex with men for it to feel right.  And then there again is my most cherished wife of 37 years.  Who has gone through menopause and isn't all that interested in sex any longer.  So actually not much of a quandary for me, just a matter of timing.
Happy, Jessica 🙋

I know what you mean about guys. I've been straight, mostly, though thoughts have entered my mind. A few times, a really cute guy has looked at me, and my nerves took over, I had to divert my eyes, "don't look at him", I said to myself. Yes, I was really attracted to him and it was unnerving, I didn't want him to know. I can still have "straight" sex, but when alone I imagine I am female most of the time.

I'll start off with a disclaimer that this is a mature topic, some discretion is advised.  Now that's out of the way...
I'd say buy some toys and experiment. However, penetrative sex in your bum may not be the penetration you desire.  It is possible to feel a type of penetrative feel outside of the bum though.  I found that I could pleasure the area behind the testes with pressure and that gave me the feeling and fantasy of being taken vaginally.  On the other hand, try the bum anyway.  I started at a very young age playing with mine, and can tell you it gives me immense pleasure.  I could live without gcs, but couldn't imagine sex without anal sex.  Yes, I know how that sounds!  I'm a back door girl!

Bari Jo

Well, to see how you feel after actual penetrating a woman sex, you could go to a brothel in one of those rural counties in Nevada where prostitution is legal...

You can also work on your social skills, you really should regardless of anything else...

We differ from each other on the penetration issue in that I had never wanted it at all. It has always been difficult for me no matter how aroused I was it would destroy any sexual mood I was in. I thought that whole love thing or sexual attraction/chemistry was a complete farce. As much as I wanted sex it was miserable for me. I never felt any ugh! in the pit of my stomach with a girl or thinking about a girl and I certainly never allowed myself to think about a guy that way.

Then I met a guy that wiped out all of my learned prejudices and there was nothing I could do about it. Even if he felt that way, he was married. I had given up on women a few years already, I don't know, it really hit me hard. Started drinking like eternal happiness was at the bottom of every bottle, lost all of my friends. It's strange that I had a harder time admitting that I liked men than admitting that I was a girl. When my family institutionalized me because of me trying to live as a girl when I was 14, they hated me, wouldn't look at me or talk to me if they didn't have to, I had nothing to lose by admitting that I liked men but I couldn't. At 19 when I joined the army I had already decided that I would live my life alone, no problem women were not doing it for me anyway. Three years later when I met that guy it about killed me to deal with that. I don't think that I did deal with it to be honest, I buried it, ran from it, hid or whatever but I didn't deal with it.

Years later when I felt that again I had quit drinking and had no way to hide.  It was stupid too, the guy was a jerk and no one liked him, me included. He was soooooo good looking though and his voice made me forget where I was at or what I was doing. I was disgusted with myself because of what it did to me. Why couldn't I feel that with a girl? The worst was when he came up behind me when I was working, he would put his hand on my shoulder and lean in putting his head next to mine so he could see what I was working on. I would beg God to not let him talk or if he did talk for me not to forget how to speak. It wasn't possible to lie to myself anymore.

Only dating men now, I wish that I had not been so stubborn for all those years. It's normal for me, right and good all the way to the core. It's not always easy to find our way, sexual attraction is a difficult thing. Seamen and pirates had so many gay relationships and marriages, pirates even had a special name for it "matelotage", that one monarch spent crown money for female prostitutes to help discourage the practice. Turned out to be a waste of money, most of the time, if they even used the prostitutes, they would do it together in a three way then go right on together in their relationship after. I don't see myself as gay and my boyfriend sure doesn't see himself as gay but, for me at least, it would be more than okay if I were. I am definitely NOT a lesbian though.

😊 So why am I responding when you asked for responses from lesbians? From my own experience, hard and ugly experience, if dysphoria is shutting you down expecting it to change is an exercise in agony. I would hope that you avoid that if at all possible.

Quote from: FinallyMichelle on November 18, 2017, 12:37:08 AM
We differ from each other on the penetration issue in that I had never wanted it at all. It has always been difficult for me no matter how aroused I was it would destroy any sexual mood I was in. I thought that whole love thing or sexual attraction/chemistry was a complete farce. As much as I wanted sex it was miserable for me. I never felt any ugh! in the pit of my stomach with a girl or thinking about a girl and I certainly never allowed myself to think about a guy that way.

Then I met a guy that wiped out all of my learned prejudices and there was nothing I could do about it. Even if he felt that way, he was married. I had given up on women a few years already, I don't know, it really hit me hard. Started drinking like eternal happiness was at the bottom of every bottle, lost all of my friends. It's strange that I had a harder time admitting that I liked men than admitting that I was a girl. When my family institutionalized me because of me trying to live as a girl when I was 14, they hated me, wouldn't look at me or talk to me if they didn't have to, I had nothing to lose by admitting that I liked men but I couldn't. At 19 when I joined the army I had already decided that I would live my life alone, no problem women were not doing it for me anyway. Three years later when I met that guy it about killed me to deal with that. I don't think that I did deal with it to be honest, I buried it, ran from it, hid or whatever but I didn't deal with it.

Years later when I felt that again I had quit drinking and had no way to hide.  It was stupid too, the guy was a jerk and no one liked him, me included. He was soooooo good looking though and his voice made me forget where I was at or what I was doing. I was disgusted with myself because of what it did to me. Why couldn't I feel that with a girl? The worst was when he came up behind me when I was working, he would put his hand on my shoulder and lean in putting his head next to mine so he could see what I was working on. I would beg God to not let him talk or if he did talk for me not to forget how to speak. It wasn't possible to lie to myself anymore.

Only dating men now, I wish that I had not been so stubborn for all those years. It's normal for me, right and good all the way to the core. It's not always easy to find our way, sexual attraction is a difficult thing. Seamen and pirates had so many gay relationships and marriages, pirates even had a special name for it "matelotage", that one monarch spent crown money for female prostitutes to help discourage the practice. Turned out to be a waste of money, most of the time, if they even used the prostitutes, they would do it together in a three way then go right on together in their relationship after. I don't see myself as gay and my boyfriend sure doesn't see himself as gay but, for me at least, it would be more than okay if I were. I am definitely NOT a lesbian though.

😊 So why am I responding when you asked for responses from lesbians? From my own experience, hard and ugly experience, if dysphoria is shutting you down expecting it to change is an exercise in agony. I would hope that you avoid that if at all possible.

Thank you so much Michelle for taking the time to write to me i appreciated.

Thanks everybody sorry for the late responce didn't get a notification. I appreciate your reply's. My problem is i know i want a vagina, i just have a silly desire to penetrate a woman but i know that i cant get it up unless i have a good relationship with the girl but by then i would already have a vagina which is ok when playing with the thing it feels like i have a vagina i'm just unsure how having a vagina will feel like compare to a penis when it comes to being with a girl.i guess i should have just asked 'if your a post op lesbian how does having a vagina differ from the penis sexualy wise?' I'll make another thread.

I do understand... I thought I was lesbian, but then about 2 years into my hrt, I started noticing guys and it scared me at first. I was fixed up with a guy by a friend, and we hit it off and starting dating. It was strange at first being held and kissed by a guy, but I got over it quickly. As the relationship went on, I found myself wanting to be penetrated. One evening we experimented with anal and later we actually had anal sex twice (not the same night). I liked it.

Then after SRS, i experienced vaginal sex and there is no comparison.. vaginal sex is way better and my man (different man to the anal) makes me orgasm like no tomorrow.



Before transition I did experience penetrating a woman, i thought it was ok.