Hi All

I put together some thoughts yesterday in a post I made in the introduction forum and felt moved to share them here in the general forum... So many of the postings I see here involve fear.... fear of moving forward toward what we want... fear of how people will react and treat us if we show them who we truly are inside... fear of judgement...

When we are near the end of our time here and list our regrets... the things we wished we had dared to do... what would we give at that point for one more chance to go back and see what could have been... If fear had not chosen our path for us

Anyway, my friends.. For what it is worth... My thoughts on the subject...

There are many examples, here on this forum and in the lives of those around you, of people letting fear keep them from what they want in their life.... It is human nature to take the unknowns about a situation that has not yet occurred and insert our deepest fears into the blanks

We place the obstacle of fear in our own path and it can block our way for a very long time, perhaps a lifetime, if we allow it... On the other side of the obstacle of fear is the very thing that we seek...

In "Letters to a Young Poet" Ranier Rilke said... " Our fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure"

Fear is an emotion that is there to keep us safe but we must remain vigilant not to let it rule us...

You may very likely be attaching these fears to how you envision the reactions of family and friends or how you will be treated in everyday life...

When we open the door and set out on a journey to express our true self... It is a very spiritual thing that we do.... How can family and friends truly love us if they have not seen who we truly are?.... At a very deep level... Transition is an attempt to put ourself in a place in our life where we can truly give and receive love

Another result of opening that journey is that our relationships to others and the world will change to some degree or another... It is possible we will lose our relationship to some of those in our life that we thought of as close while other relationships will blossom, grow stronger and adapt in beautiful and unexpected ways... As we walk this new path, new faces will appear as well,...to care for us and to be cared for by us...

In the end we all will proceed in the manner that suits us best... You, my dear friend, hold the steering wheel of your life...I would urge you to not allow fear to take the wheel from your hands...

Onward we go brave friends


Ashley

QuoteIn "Letters to a Young Poet" Ranier Rilke said... " Our fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure"

I'll remember that. Corny but cute.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Fear is possibly the biggest emotion in my life at the moment, besides (obviously) confusion.

J x

When you look back at your book of life, know there should be a mention how your written words have helped me along the way, more than you may know.

Thank you for this thread. It is very relevant to me. I'm about to start seeing a new psychologist to work on my fear and embarrassment.

Quote from: Another Nikki on November 17, 2017, 04:57:29 PM
When you look back at your book of life, know there should be a mention how your written words have helped me along the way, more than you may know.

Thank you so much my dear sister... that touched my heart!!!

Hugs!!!

A😀❤️🌻

Couldn't agree more, Ashley.  I respect a lot of things, but knowledge and love has made it unnecessary for me to fear much.  Temporary confusion at times, but then you have to believe in who you are and what you can give and take that leap of faith made possible by believing in yourself.  You've helped me, Ashley.  I try to help others.  That's how we all help each other conquer fear.  Toni

Ashley, I am certain you have made a difference in the lives of many people on this forum, including myself. I hope you don't mind if I add a few thoughts of my own.

A year ago if anyone had suggested I was transgender I would have laughed at them. Six months ago I feared the day I would eventually come out to everyone. Now I look forward to that day, the day I will finally begin to live an authentic life.

So, what changed? Since starting HRT the frustration and anger that dominated my life has vanished. I can experience joy again. I smile for hours on end for no reason. Even my therapist has mentioned how calm I am. These glimpses of what my future holds have given me the strength to banish my fears.

I was frightened when my journey first turned onto this unknown road, and I realize the road will not always be smooth. Seeing the emotional baggage I carried for over 40 years receding in my rearview mirror is a sight that sets my soul free.

Thank you Ashley for your words for life.
Hopeful words for everyone.
Smiling at the thought.
Jessica

Thank you, Ashley, that was timely and much appreciated.

A life lived in fear is a life of continual dying and therefore no life at all. That's what I believe, anyway.

I remember back when I was about 5 or 6 learning to ride a bike. I wouldn't take the stabilizers off because I thought I was going to immediately fall. So for about a year I went around wanting to take them off but never doing so. There was nobody around to encourage me and I was pretty afraid of injuring myself. When eventually I took the stabilizers off I spent a week riding around with my feet on the ground still too scared to ride the damn bike. The fear was ridiculous but it was very real to me at the time. Then at some point I did just attempt to ride the bike (after many chickenings out) and found it was the easiest thing in the world and how much I'd been missing due to the fear. I think back to this particular experience whenever I need to to reaffirm that fear is often just a paralysis or a wall that means nothing the moment you break through it. With transition I think it's much the same, there is a life after and beyond the fear and it's probably much better than the one with the stabilizers and the trundling around wishing to ride properly but never daring to. 

Not that fear of transition is irrational. I think it's very rational to be afraid of the various potential and real difficulties involved. But the fear itself is an unhappy state that only makes things much worse. With transition there's an opportunity to grow and change, and that's the essence of living.

Many thanks to you all for both the kind words as well as your own beautifully expressed thoughts!!!

There is so much that is ours to claim in this journey that is good... that is liberating....that challenges us... that connects us... that offers possibilities that were never ours to consider before.

We have often spent a lifetime trying what doesn't work for us...  when we finally come to realize what we think might work... we see the enormity of the journey and the challenges to come...

Our fears will always be one of the voices in the room and that is a good thing... It offers us perspective and much of transition involves finding new perspectives on our life. I think though...If you find that fear is consistently the loudest voice in the room... it needs to be told to be quiet for a while so the other voices can speak too... for there is much for them to discuss on the subjects of hope, possibilities and Love....

Onward we go brave friends...

Ashley

Thank you i needed to read this. Its been tough lately knowing what a long and complicated journey lies ahead. I think this will test my patience and help me grow as a person too. I know i will receice and give love, some day, like you said..

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Thanks Ashley, I like the thread. I might add a couple of things. First, we often lie to ourselves and say we will do something later. We say to ourselves under better circumstances the task won't be as hard. "The fear will be less then." It is a lie. The only thing putting off the stuff we fear does is create anxiety on top of the fear. "Why can't I tackle this thing I need to do?" It makes us feel even worse. Like I have said in the past, sometimes you just have to do what it is you must do while punching the fear right in the nose. Act even when afraid.
Secondly, some of you who are on the beginning of your journeys may look at folks who are farther along and think we have found some magic wand or some crazy inner strength. We were where you are now and we were terrified. Fear is something that takes a long time to go away. I came out, transitioned, am living my dream, but fear is still with me. Want an example? I am very much afraid of dealing with my voice. I do what I do to make it more feminine, but it gives me away. Why not do something about it? I am afraid. I am afraid I will fail. It is easier to live with failing to have good voice than to try to improve and fail to have good voice. It is something I have to overcome. When I get misgendered now, I have the anxiety added of why haven't I dealt with this yet.
So, don't give into fear ruling your life, and if you are new, don't panic, we are all in the same boat, battling to be our true selves.
Moni

Thank You Moni... Love Ya Sister!!! 👩‍❤️‍👩 ...My voice is still not where I would like it despite what people tell me... Maybe you and I should go to Yeson together one of these days!!! 😀!!!!

Sara (dist123) 😀!!!! As you picture what is ahead don't let it overwhelm you.... The journey of a thousand steps is taken one step at a time... There may be days when you bound down your path as free as a bird and other days when you crawl painfully but ever forward...

Now that you have pointed yourself in the right direction, each step will bring you closer.... Don't think only about the destination though, find the value in each day and each step... Keep your eyes open because the whole ride is an amazing thing not to be missed...

Please let me know if I can ever be of help along the way

Onward we go!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

I was affraid to except I am a transgender because of fear from rejected by family and friends, and I was so miserable all the time. Until I take matter in my old hands looks for help. After two sessions with my Behavior Health Therapist I was diagnose as Transgender Identity issue. My Therapist told being transgender are who I am, and if I keep denied that then I will miserable for the rest of my life. She also said I should except and do some things for my transgender, and I look her in the eyes and said I just want to become a woman for a long time. She then setup follow up appointment on December Fourth for me to begin my HRT and transition. That the most happy moments of my life to be who I am.

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Quote from: tgirlamc on November 19, 2017, 10:14:53 AM
Thank You Moni... Love Ya Sister!!! 👩‍❤️‍👩 ...My voice is still not where I would like it despite what people tell me... Maybe you and I should go to Yeson together one of these days!!! 😀!!!!

Sara (dist123) 😀!!!! As you picture what is ahead don't let it overwhelm you.... The journey of a thousand steps is taken one step at a time... There may be days when you bound down your path as free as a bird and other days when you crawl painfully but ever forward...

Now that you have pointed yourself in the right direction, each step will bring you closer.... Don't think only about the destination though, find the value in each day and each step... Keep your eyes open because the whole ride is an amazing thing not to be missed...

Please let me know if I can ever be of help along the way

Onward we go!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

Ashley, you and I haven't ever had a real consistent conversation (unfortunately), but I want you to know that you are inspirational. You are always so helpful to people and positive in your outlook. I am thankful you are here. As for the voice surgery, I would love your company but I am not convinced of the potential result. I can't get away from the fact that I need to put in the hard work of training.

Quote from: Meghan on November 19, 2017, 10:30:10 AM
I was affraid to except I am a transgender because of fear from rejected by family and friends, and I was so miserable all the time. Until I take matter in my old hands looks for help. After two sessions with my Behavior Health Therapist I was diagnose as Transgender Identity issue. My Therapist told being transgender are who I am, and if I keep denied that then I will miserable for the rest of my life. She also said I should except and do some things for my transgender, and I look her in the eyes and said I just want to become a woman for a long time. She then setup follow up appointment on December Fourth for me to begin my HRT and transition. That the most happy moments of my life to be who I am.

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Meghan, this is very exciting to hear. I look forward to your progress, and wish you only the best.
Moni

Quote from: Meghan on November 19, 2017, 10:30:10 AM
That the most happy moments of my life to be who I am.

I couldn't say it any better myself Meghan... That's what it is all about! ...So happy for your upcoming HRT appointment! You have an amazing life awaiting that is yours to claim... Let me know if I can ever be of help along the way!

Moni! ...

Thank you for the kind words sister! ...I have always greatly appreciated your presence here as well and all your good efforts to bring smiles, humor and a positive outlook to the table!!! 😀!!!!

You are right though, it is kind of funny we have never ended up in more direct conversation in the postings during our time here...Just the nature of thread posting dynamics I guess! But, I am going to remedy that and get a PM off to you later today so we can catch up on what we've missed! 😀!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley

Thanks everyone I will post the update after appointment next Monday.

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December is right around the corner!
Thanks Ashley [emoji4]
My emotions are changing and I have to embrace them one at a time!
Lately I've been really relating to my 13 year old niece. Then I have to remind myself she's half my age! [emoji23]

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You are so right about fear Ashley, it was fear that stopped me transitioning the first time ( 20 years ago ) & it was fear that stopped me trying again until this year for a second time.
Sometimes it drives us to become better people or it can destroy us .
Sara.