So I went to see my therapist this past Friday. I see her weekly with regard to my gender dysphoria and she's been my advocate in my process to have GRS surgery.

A new topic came up during our conversation which I never really thought about (In reference to myself).

My therapist told me that I was, "The most assertive client I have" which made me feel really good and it made me smile.
THEN SHE TOLD ME THE DOWNSIDE.....
She said that my assertiveness will more than likely be interpreted differently now that I am living full time as a female. She said experiencing how women are treated differently in our society may come as a bit of a shock to me as I continue my journey.
The gist of it was that I shouldn't be surprised if I start to "meet resistance" from people as I continue to assert myself. I was like
"Hmmmm!" But she is correct!

So in transitioning, in addition to correcting my gender status, I'm also going to be exposed to what is commonly known as "Toxic Masculinity". In other words, I've given up my male privilege along with my male presentation.
WOW! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT'S NOT FAIR❗❗❗❗

Well no its not fair but its so totally true! I mean like my IQ didn't drop; I didn't lose my education or professional certifications; I can still think, speak, judge, love and do everything else I always did ...only I feel I do it better now.

BUT all that is irrelevant isn't it when we live in a world that views women as the "lesser" or "subordinate" of the sexes.

Long story short, I told her I guess that's just another thing to add to my list of ->-bleeped-<- I'll have to overcome!
It will be interesting when push comes to shove ... interesting for the people who think this "girly girl" is a pushover. Stand by☢❗
Toni🦋

   

My sister described it to me in an opposite way.  She said that all my experience and hobbies while not all exactly masculine are virtually unheard of in the female population.  She said it would make me a very intimidating woman, even to other women.  I thought oh great, so I won't fit in?  I don't think she meant it as non accepting though.  Being accepted is my primary, I can deal with intimidating.

Bari Jo

I hadn't thought about that.  I'm quite assertive also.  I had a long work career being very assertive.  I'm hoping I get treated like a lady now.  But women's rights and respect for all of us women, cis or transgender must change throughout the world.  I guess we quit the boys club and lost privileges but we need to keep fighting. 
Rrrrrr, Jessica 👩‍🎤

Just a comment from the side.

There is a difference and a profound difference between being assertive and being aggressive. There is a place for both and there are times that an aggressive response is highly effective. However in society an aggressive response from a woman when working in a team environment or in society generally can be judged harshly, rightly or wrongly. However an assertive personality or response is (usually) accepted as coming from a woman who knows herself and her environment.

I work in a very high power male environment and I am very assertive but I am not aggressive. I command respect and I get it.

Thanks all for your feedback! Its an area of my transition that is always a concern for me since Im a veteran police officer and I can see differences already in how Im perceived by the public.I believe that there is a patriarchal mind set in the world and I say that from living on both sides of that dividing line as so many of you have.
Again thanks🕊🍃

 

Many of those who transition late in life, while early in transition, do not realize that the physical transition will be the easiest aspect of their transition. The social transition, and learning all the subtle nuances of interpersonal relationships as a woman, is far far more difficult and takes many more years of accumulated, first-hand experience.

You can be an assertive woman if you want. You can be an intimidating woman if you want. But you'll end up pretty lonely, as people generally don't want to be close friends with women who are like that.  Try to be less assertive and less intimidating if you can.  Just try it out.  I used to be quite assertive and stubborn in my old life as a man, but I tried to take on a new personality as a more empathetic woman as I transitioned. I faked it at first, but it seems real now.  Now I wonder if all that assertiveness was just an act I put on, and this personality is the real me that was hidden all those years. It certainly feels real.  And my friendships are absolutely real.

I am much more happy as a less assertive, but more empathetic woman.  And people are much more drawn to me this way, both women as friends and men as lovers.  I like it this way.

As someone who was perceived female and has been assertive all my life I don't think you're suddenly going to find yourself hated by everyone you meet. The opposite, in fact. You'll have the advantage of being able to be assertive without being acceptably punched in the face for it - because part of "female privilege" is that society and most people in it find it an awful concept to hurt women no matter what they are doing or how aggressive they are being.

But as has been said already there is a difference between being assertive and being downright belligerent. Find the balance and it is win-win, not a loss of privilege at all.

What you will lose is the assumption you're a threat. And many people mistake the idea of not being a threat for being worse off. On the contrary, people who are seen as a threat (i.e. men) are almost always threatened by a belligerent party while the non-threatening individuals (i.e. women usually) are not. So as a woman you can potentially completely bypass a lot of violence and junk-swinging contests unscathed and uninvolved. Which I think most people would agree is a good thing. 

Quote from: Cindy on November 19, 2017, 01:51:26 AM
I work in a very high power male environment

I wonder exactly what that is? It can't be exclusively male because you're there. Perhaps you mean a male dominated or majority male environment?

OP, as a few have pointed out in western society men are perceived as having more societal permission to be assertive. It's certainly been my observation that assertive women tend to be dismissed and their assertiveness can be dismissed in some pretty nasty ways (by both men and women btw).

Most often and sadly, I have experienced men using that permission as aggressive behavior and women taking the tack of being passive aggressive. And still, let's be clear, I've known plenty of aggressive women and passive aggressive men. In my life as a male I certainly resorted to being aggressive among the type of men who would only afford respect to those they saw as aggressive (alpha, whatever).

That said, my experience in industry has been that while there were virtually no females in the engineering workplaces of 30-40 years ago, as women became represented in promotions to management positions faster than I'd have expected. I think it's because they got better results which in turn was because they did a better job of putting their egos aside and finding ways for teams to be productive rather than destructively competitive (again, on average, I can cite plenty of exceptions)

Being just plain assertive takes practice for all of us and being consistently assertive is the best route to being heard and respected.

I haven't found this to be a huge problem.  I actually like that I find it easier to seem to be interested in compromise when dealing with people as a female, whereas it is often looked at as a sign of weakness as a male.  I was often described as intimidating as a male.  I was never intending to be, but I always knew what I was talking about and chose my words and spoke as though they cost $10 each.  I think most men are open to an assertive woman clearly only looking to solve a problem because they aren't viewed as threatening.  I know how this works and love that I can still get what I want with a much more relaxed approached.  I can still be a bitch if absolutely necessary.  Toni