Hey folks.

First time poster here, just looking to open a discussion around gender identity and sexual confidence and see if I can get any tips/support.

I feel a bit confused, you see. Over the years I've relaxed more and more into a masculine leaning gender nonconforming appearance, and I've had people tell me I'm good looking, but I find it really hard talking to girls I find hot. Like, there's a deep fear and pain associated with it for some reason I'm actually welling up a bit as I type this.

I've had a girlfriend before, just one, for about 9 months, 2 years ago. Since then, I had a friends with benefits thing with a girl I found 100% my type. We only lasted about a month. I'm 24, so I'm getting a little antsy.

I have a lot of sexual energy, but my gender expression and body feel all mismatched. I feel sexy to other women the more masculine I look, simply because I don't feel like a woman. I feel alienated by womanhood.

But I naturally sound and act very feminine. People might mistake me for a boy when I'm silent, acting more macho and I don't smile, but when I'm out partying, having fun with femme and female friends, people call me she. My voice is higher pitched. I sound and act like what they perceive to be a woman. I'm uncomfortable with this, but I'm scared to go on testosterone. I don't know if that's the answer

I feel like I don't naturally have anything to offer women. I'm attracted to quite beautiful girls, and I want to be more out there. I want to flirt more with people. I want to be confident in that side of life. But I don't know how to engage with other people's sexuality. I don't know how to appeal to other people. Fundamentally... I don't feel very sexy.

When I identified as a woman, and viewed myself as one, my body was conventionally attractive. But now I'm opening up to my true genderqueer identity... I see my body as holding me back. I don't know how to be sexy and masc with my body type, because I genuinely don't feel like I have a sexy masc body. I keep associating my body with womanhood.

As a trans person, how do you access your sexual confidence? What are some of the feelings you've gone through, and how have you worked with them? How do I love myself as a sexual being again?

Would love to hear any answers, kind words or advice you have. Thanks

Sent from my FP2 using Tapatalk

Hi Callumari 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here are some links to the site rules and stuff that we offer to all new members to help them along

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Hugs

V M

I don't know if I should talk about sexual confidence, mine is buried very deep in some place I can't remember. But from what  I read your problem is very related to your body.

You could try exercises to masculinize your body. The other thing I can come up with is T. It's okay to be scared of starting HRT. Many of us were, but it ended up being one of the best choices in our lives. It does wonders to your mind, not only your body. Also... You can take low doses of hormones. They'll have only little visible effects and most of them will be reversible, but it can be a huge difference to you.

You'll always find people that is attracted to whatever you are, but you must love yurself before you can love someone else. I'd say you need to focus on yourself. Try differnt things and see what you like, what makes you look good and what makes you feel comfortable. Find a way to accept how you are or change it. Once you're done with that, the rest will happen naturally.

Hello Callumari, welcome to Susan's.

Interesting question.  We are each unique but my own experience is - once I realized I was truly transgender and started doing something about it, my confidence in many things increased including sexuality.  I feel like I traded a role where I previously followed inaccurate social expectations for something very real. 

Kendra