Why do I keep reading posts in which people say 'chill out, give it time, it'll happen' in regards to orgasm? What about when it DOESN'T?
How can people say with such certainty that orgasm or even just basic pleasure can be expected post-op? It doesn't happen for me, I may aswell be touching the back of my hand when I touch my 'vagina' and I've read countless posts of people in similar situations to mine. It seems a bit disingenuous to claim that orgasm is a given when you're post op, because it most definitely is not.

I'm pre-op,  but having read others experiences,  it can take up to a year or more to regain sensitivity. Have you contacted your surgeon to discuss this?

Megan. X

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I haven't seen many if anyone say that, more like "if you were sexual or orgasmic pre-op then you will likely also be after". I've also seen a lot of women who need to adjust their hormones to have enough libido to feel sexual arousal.

For my part I very much wanted to be sexual after however I also decided that I would be happier with my brain fixed (HRT) even if my libido was impacted -- and for the first several months of HRT I had very little sexual desire so I felt I had an idea of the possible downside.

Post-op I'm even happier, I clearly had effectively suppressed genital dysphoria far more effectively that I'd realized. At 6 months post-op now that the pain is reduced (not gone yet, my left labia are a bit sensitive). I first started really enjoying sex at around the 4 month point and while I still haven't gotten to orgasm, the pleasure I do get from sex play is excellent and so for now I'd compare myself to an anorgasmic cis female. How I respond now is so much like women I've been with in the past it's kinda scary.

I hope you find what you are looking for, i forget the numbers I've seen but certainly not all women experience sexual satisfaction post op. I feel my surgical result was on the above average side (my electrologist who's probably seen more both cis and post op vagina's than many surgeons said my results are a lot better than most she's seen)

OP, I've had some more time to think on this. On HRT my libido was initially killed nearly dead and came back only when I started on progesterone -- caveat lector, medical studies say this isn't true across the board. I've also found that if I cycle P I lose libido whenever I'm off of it. One day I will make some placebo tablets and do a double blind test on myself but I'm in no rush, ymmv IAC.

If I'm not feeling sexual, I can't will myself to enjoy stimulation and that has been true ever since I started HRT. It's so different from what it was like when I had testosterone in my body when almost no matter what my mood, if I chose to stimulate myself, I could become fully aroused.

I don't plan on testing this, however if I were to knock off E tomorrow and start injecting T, my sexuality would shift to the same way it ran for the 40+ years before I decided to medically transition. I believe this mostly because I've known a few ftm trans men all of whose sexuality was changed to typically masculine when they took T.

Lastly, if your clitoris is actually numb -- as in no feeling then yes that can be laid on your surgeon, however I know for a fact that humans can learn to orgasm without touch, sensation etc. So if you're approaching clit, vulva without first having a spark of interest that alone could explain lack of response -- and on the other hand, once I'm aroused, even the back of my hand becomes an erogenous zone.

I'm at 9 weeks and I'm missing orgasms. No way could I have sex at this point because its too early but also because some areas are hypersensitive, some are numb and some are normal.  My clit sits in an area of hypersensitivity and numbness while it, itself, actually feels pretty normal.

I had Labs done and my E was way down to 65 and T was about 14. My Dr was surprised and is putting me back on injectables (Estradoil Cypionate) and maybe add in a little T so my Libido stays normal. . .

Quote from: Aibhilín on October 21, 2017, 11:19:26 PM
Why do I keep reading posts in which people say 'chill out, give it time, it'll happen' in regards to orgasm? What about when it DOESN'T?
How can people say with such certainty that orgasm or even just basic pleasure can be expected post-op? It doesn't happen for me, I may as well be touching the back of my hand when I touch my 'vagina' and I've read countless posts of people in similar situations to mine. It seems a bit disingenuous to claim that orgasm is a given when you're post op, because it most definitely is not.

I prefer to be positive on this because I've read so much about Orgasm coming back and that it is primarily a mental issue. I once read in a paper that a women who'd become paralyzed learned over time to orgasm with her mouth. Sure this is an extreme case but it makes the point that it can be relearned. . .

Quote from: Gail20 on October 23, 2017, 04:40:31 PM
I prefer to be positive on this because I've read so much about Orgasm coming back and that it is primarily a mental issue. I once read in a paper that a women who'd become paralyzed learned over time to orgasm with her mouth. Sure this is an extreme case but it makes the point that it can be relearned. . .

This. Most of it are mental rather than physical. I can spend hours with hitachi wand look alike and never getting there if I wasn't in the right state of mind. Once I'm in that mindset, fingers or toys both will work fine and didn't take too long either. I didn't stop trying almost every 2-3 days from month 4/5 onwards and it needs that "eureka" moment.

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Quote from: jfong on October 23, 2017, 07:01:59 PM
This. Most of it are mental rather than physical. I can spend hours with hitachi wand look alike and never getting there if I wasn't in the right state of mind. Once I'm in that mindset, fingers or toys both will work fine and didn't take too long either. I didn't stop trying almost every 2-3 days from month 4/5 onwards and it needs that "eureka" moment.

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Fingers will bring you to orgasm lol? What in Christ's name are you stimulating? I'm pretty sure even if I was in the mood, there's nothing in there that would even bring me close, not anymore lol. Lucky you.

Quote from: Aibhilín on October 25, 2017, 08:12:50 PM
Fingers will bring you to orgasm lol? What in Christ's name are you stimulating? I'm pretty sure even if I was in the mood, there's nothing in there that would even bring me close, not anymore lol. Lucky you.

Yep I can do it with just my fingers too

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Hi all it has been a while sense I have been on but it has been over 2 years sense I had SCS and it took me about a year after surgery before I had my first orgasm. Like all women of the world if you are not in the right state of mind you will never orgasm. I have a wonderful boyfriend and he has been very patient with me and once I fell in love with him Sex has been so good and on a totally different plane. I have multiple orgasms and it is so so intense. In the beginning I had thought that I was going to be one of the ones that nothing happened down there. But I was so wrong. Time and Love is what the change is and was for me. It takes well over a year to heal properly. I'm so happy I had done the surgery and  would recommend it to anyone that would be happy even if it didn't work for you. I had to have this because of my own self confidence. I'm Very Happy. As always this is just my opinion. My good friend and my surgeon Dr. Marci Lee Bowers did my life changing surgery.

Thank's 
Hug's to All
Lyndsey

When I went in for my 3 month checkup I was asked if I had an orgasm yet. I think I said I do not want to hurt it and it looks fragile. I had a home work assignment for my 6 month checkup. A week before my checkup I figured it out. I definitely needed to be less cautious.

I had to be in the right mood and have the right thoughts going. I have since been able to have an orgasm much quicker but the first one took a while. I caressed my body then nipples. My citreous was too sensitive. I used a dildo and started slow then started to thrust. that felt good. Then my citreous was ready. I found a technique that felt awesome. I continued to used both hands. One in the clit and the other with the dildo. Then my prostate became alive. I used the dildo on it and I had a wonderful orgasm. 

it took me 2 years to be mentally and physically be ready for it and have my first orgasm and after that i had one almost everyday

It can sometimes take a really long time. I went through a lot with rectovaginal fistula and problems with my urethra and so much more. I guess I was pretty traumatized by all of it, and still am after 6 years. i really went to hell and back and I'm forever messed up by it. It's not even over yet, just had a surgery two weeks ago, my 8th... But it looks like this is the last one.

I also felt like everything was so numb for a long time and my clit wasn't sensitive, not in a pleasurable way at least. I thought everything had failed and I was one of those who wouldn't be able to orgasm or have much sexual pleasures with my vagina. But I still had sex and just somehow kept thinking it might get better and concentrated on the rest of my body and my partners and tried not to get too frustrated. I read about nerves recovering for up to two years.

Gradually there was more sensation, still not that great but it was kind of ok. Then I had a little orgasm with a vibrator, after over a year had past. So I was able to sometimes have these light orgasms but still everything was pretty numb and boring otherwise. Pre op I was really overly sensitive, so the whole thing was a major change. After two years I was a bit in love and suddenly I had a really strong one. I was kind of shocked by it for two days lol. Had never really experienced something that intense before. But still there wasn't that much sensation until I was sometimes able to orgasm (for me it was very much about pelvic movements and tension and relax work and not trying too hard to reach and orgasm. it's a tricky balance of trying but not trying..)

I still found it sad that my vagina wasn't really sensitive, just this orgasm that could be possible sometimes. I started to think it was boring to have sex, but I always liked to satisfy others so that was fine too. But in my mind I think I was all the time coding it in my brain, I really tried to stay positive about it even thou it felt often just disappointing. It actually it took me five years before my sensitivity developed to what I would call functional.

But it wasn't easy and I didn't believe it would still get better after five years, but it did. To say to keep a positive mind and be patient and kind to yourself as advice feels terrible, but it's actually true...

I've found that post-op I'm really not interested much in sex with anyone unless I really, really like them and have formed some sort of personal relationship.   Asking around my CIS female friends I find that this is fairly common among them.  Perhaps this is something else to consider post-op when orgasms are difficult to come by. . . .

I judge my sensitivity by the top of my head, literally. I had FFS, and the top of my head was numb for the first year. Now at close to 1 1/2 years, most of that has returned. I guess it has taught me to be patient and, yes, given me hope that numb areas in the 'south 40' will come back as well.
Moni