I'm only out to close friends, my girlfriend and her grandma. Otherwise I'm completely in the closet in my desire to transition MTF (even male to androgyne is a good place). I'm not out at work or public at all.

Been on the fence of seeking a therapist to start my journey. Because of my busy day schedule, I haven't been able to setup an appointment at all to discuss my "issues" the last 7 weeks.

The company I work for in the construction industry has a religious boss, but hes not overbearing or preachy. I don't know how well he or the company accepts transgender people and I don't want to be a local case study and lose my job. As it turns out, we have many jobs that give us a different pay rate, and i have been one one of those jobs all past week and a few days the week before. I worked just less than 2 days on a high paying job, and made almost 2 weeks worth of normal pay. This next check should be over a month worth of my normal income.

Why would I jeopardize that kind of income to transition? At my normal rate, I barely make enough to survive and missing a day of work is catastrophic. Transitioning and getting fired is stupid in my case. I've lived this long as a male, i'll just continue as normal and shelve the "I don't feel entirely right as male" feelings the way I have already done the last 20 years.

I've grown up having to "start over" in my life to last 50 lifetimes, I don't want to do it again.

I'll still read and browse here, I don't plan on going away. But thank you everyone who have offered advice and any other bits of information.

PS: I chopped my hair today as well. I'm probably going to pack my female wardrobe and just let it sit.

Yes it's certainly true that in regions without anti-discrimination laws there are huge risks to coming out as trans regarding employment. I sympathise with your situation totally and I can see that your decision has a logical basis to it.

You are a stronger person than I and I wish you the best of luck in finding happiness whatever you decide to do long term

To everything there is a season. I don't blame you for careful consideration but you also probably realize this is not likely going away. All the money in the world and all the leisure time as well can't make things work for many.

I was making an insanely large paycheck, bonuses and stock options before going out and starting my own business. Part of the motivation for me was the independence to transition without having to account to anyone.

I've been on hormones for a year, have 38B breasts, grew my hair long, got my facial hair removed by laser and both ears pierced.  I am still not out at work and no one has figured it out yet.

You can hide an awful lot if dressing male at work and living with your existing facial bone structure does not cause you too much dysphoria.

Quote from: CarlyMcx on June 08, 2017, 12:32:43 AM
I've been on hormones for a year, have 38B breasts, grew my hair long, got my facial hair removed by laser and both ears pierced.  I am still not out at work and no one has figured it out yet.

You can hide an awful lot if dressing male at work and living with your existing facial bone structure does not cause you too much dysphoria.

Hey Carly may i ask a question if its not too personal? You say you are not out at work so by that I would assume playing the male card (assuming your not going androgynous). Isnt that still a very long soul crushing experince of your day. I recall a while ago about you said your dysphoria was so hard and bad that you had to do this transition but may i ask how do you cope or get by at work :O

Hugs-Ashley

Quote from: Alex81 on May 20, 2017, 06:32:52 PM
I'm only out to close friends, my girlfriend and her grandma. Otherwise I'm completely in the closet in my desire to transition MTF (even male to androgyne is a good place). I'm not out at work or public at all.

Been on the fence of seeking a therapist to start my journey. Because of my busy day schedule, I haven't been able to setup an appointment at all to discuss my "issues" the last 7 weeks.

The company I work for in the construction industry has a religious boss, but hes not overbearing or preachy. I don't know how well he or the company accepts transgender people and I don't want to be a local case study and lose my job. As it turns out, we have many jobs that give us a different pay rate, and i have been one one of those jobs all past week and a few days the week before. I worked just less than 2 days on a high paying job, and made almost 2 weeks worth of normal pay. This next check should be over a month worth of my normal income.

Why would I jeopardize that kind of income to transition? At my normal rate, I barely make enough to survive and missing a day of work is catastrophic. Transitioning and getting fired is stupid in my case. I've lived this long as a male, i'll just continue as normal and shelve the "I don't feel entirely right as male" feelings the way I have already done the last 20 years.

I've grown up having to "start over" in my life to last 50 lifetimes, I don't want to do it again.

I'll still read and browse here, I don't plan on going away. But thank you everyone who have offered advice and any other bits of information.

PS: I chopped my hair today as well. I'm probably going to pack my female wardrobe and just let it sit.

Alex I hope things work out well for you. If this is not your time then it's not,. What ever you need to do to look after that part of you then do it. Dysphoria is nasty insidious and soul destroying...You know your situation so you are also the best judge of the best course of action you take....

Quote from: SailorMars1994 on June 08, 2017, 06:09:26 AM
Hey Carly may i ask a question if its not too personal? You say you are not out at work so by that I would assume playing the male card (assuming your not going androgynous). Isnt that still a very long soul crushing experince of your day. I recall a while ago about you said your dysphoria was so hard and bad that you had to do this transition but may i ask how do you cope or get by at work :O

Hugs-Ashley

Hi Ashley!

I am a self employed attorney.  So there are legal considerations to me coming out at work.  First I have to go get my name and gender legally changed, which is on temporary hold while my wife gets used to the idea and I iron out legal considerations re my inheritance from my parents.  Second, once I do the legal name and gender change, then I have to file a name change with the State Bar.  Then I have to go inform the presiding judges in all counties where I appear in court, who will have their clerks circulate a memo to all other judges I appear in front of.  Third, finish coming out to my clients, which I have been doing on an as necessary basis.

So as much as I would like to just call Human Resources and say "Hey, guess what I am transgender!" it just does not work that way for me.

Fortunately, I work from home, use a virtual office service, and I usually only have to drive to court or to the office two or three days a week -- and I am usually only there for two or three hours at a time, so it is bearable.   For a while I was still having panic attacks in the car on the way to court, but as my endo has raised my hormone levels, those have become easier to deal with.  And I have my coping mechanisms.  I have to wear bra and panties underneath my male clothes at this time, nothing else fits -- so I make sure to wear something cute.  My ears are pierced, my hair is long (and pinned and ponytailed for guy mode).  With earrings and hairpins in place, inside the guy clothes, I know I am a girl.  I also carry some lip gloss, and sometimes I will carry a change of clothing for the drive home if I know it will be a long drive.  I wear girly sunglasses on the drive both ways.  And I keep a few shopping apps on my phone if I need a diversion when I have any downtime in the courthouse.

It is not what I want, but I am a professional first and foremost.  Besides I am still working on building a female office wardrobe that matches in color and quality my collection of male business suits and designer neckties.  Come to think of it, I may keep a few of those neckties for girl mode, just for fun.

In order to be effective as an attorney, I need to be believable as a woman.  In order to do that, I need to have as few tells as possible and I need to dress really well.  I would also like to get my nose done before I go full time at work.  It has been frustrating waiting for the hormones to work their magic, but going out with my wife in skinny jeans and T shirt or sweatshirt I am getting gendered female more and more.  So I am taking the zen approach and just letting things happen as they go along.

A transition is a journey, and I will get there eventually.  So I take joy in each little accomplishment, and try to learn from the disappointments and the hard times along the way.

Well... I've setup my appointments, but its not until March of 2018 due to being heavily booked. Gives me time to plan an escape plan if/when things go south.

Congrats on getting your appointment, even if it is a long way out.

But do yourself a favor, and take your time with your therapist. Don't go once or twice, and just assume it won't work and give up. Go in with an open mind.

Personally, I've gone through the "I'm just going to go male and forget about it" thing several times, where I've gotten rid of the female clothes I've acquired and decided that I just "need to accept I'm male". And yet for every time I've done that, I've eventually come back, and now here I am at 41 pushing further than I ever thought I could.

Now, each person (and their experience) is different - maybe being out and trans isn't in your future. Frankly, I'm still not sure if it's in mine. But you owe it to yourself to give it a chance.

Sent from my VS988 using Tapatalk

Miserable security or blissfull poverty.  Your call.   Welcome to the club hun

I am very concerned about coming out as i am a large 6'6" tall husky build.  I am working on reducing the weight (slow and steady with missteps) and work in the construction industry with "manly" men who would not respect me if i came out.  The job is well paying with benefits but not practical for me to stay and any new position while changing would be awkward.  I have my first therapist appointment on Friday.
See what happens!!