Thank you for the warm welcomes.
I am scared to disclose to my family of my trans woman self, it doesn't scare me if everyone else knew and my ex girlfriend knows and accepts me but my dad and family is another story entirely. It is mostly because my dad has said some bigoted things about gays and transgendered people even if it was apparently just him making jokes about them and not being very serious. He also considers it to be a mental illness which it is not but he has some misconceptions about what being trans is all about. He would accept me if i was gay but not sure about trans. A therapist would be able to help me as we discuss these things privately about revealing me being trans to my dad and what steps i should take for a transition which also has given me some anxiety due to the fact that while yes i may feel more like myself because i am a woman, i need to change some of my habits. I need to refine my womanly charms and act more womanly. I am womanly to begin with and my face is even feminine and my hair is as well but in a male body its hard to fully express how womanly i truly am and thus i cannot fully be who i really am which is a woman. It's like most women would feel awkward in a male body, when i transition someday i don't want to feel like i made some huge mistake because even though i would be more like myself i am used to being in a male body for 29 years. If only i transitioned when i was younger it would have been better.
A therapist would be able to give advice and guidance and then decide if i should truly transition or not. I would first get HRT, grow breasts, and then decide if i want to have the penis removed which would mean i cant have sex with a woman like i can now but as a transitioned woman i would feel more natural with having sex with a man. I'm kind of bisexual as it is and gave my old neighbor a handjob when i was 16 years old. It made me thrilled, it was a good experience. Transitioned it would be more natural because in a male body the awkwardness of having fun with males is there for me. I am a female and she doesn't like being in a male body. I don't know if this makes sense, it should since you probably have experienced this. It's hard to express myself with this, one of the main reasons i need a therapist.
Of course i could never get pregnant, one of the reasons why i want reincarnation or what the jewish Kabbalah says about gays and transgenders being women in the next life. I don't want to be stuck in heaven in a male body for eternity but the Bible says God would grant you anything you desire if you truly ask him so this gives me hope and assurance.
