I had a visit with a counselor yesterday that has helped me to set up and appointment for HRT.
Very much worth the 70 mile drive as I will now have access to getting my Orchi in the Fall of 2018.
After 55 years of harming myself, I can finally see an end to the confusion and a new beginning.
My HRT should be starting in three or 4 weeks as I have to set up a visit with a doctor (70 miles away) who helps Trans people get the HRT they need.
I now have so much hope and can stay away from harming myself because of that hope.
My goal is to have my femininity and present as male.
I will finally be a feminine male without the baggage of testicles or a scrotum and breasts that are in line for what I need to be.
Thank you all for your support

I hope you find as much mental peace as I did.  For me it was immediate (3 days) after starting Spiro my dysphoria was way bearable.

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Denise,
Thank you for the encouragement.
I was told that the androgen blocker should be shutting down the testosterone in just a few days.
I can't wait to be rid of it...
That and adding estrogen to me, I should be well on my way to feeling myself for the first time ever.
Love ya!

Yeah! Congratulations!

"That and adding estrogen to me, I should be well on my way to feeling myself for the first time ever."
Didn't mean to state that.
What I want/need is to turn myself inside out and get the look I need to feel like me.
It is a freedom that is coming, the freedom to be me, feminine yet strong and be able to focus on my work and my websites instead of being consumed by where the testosterone always takes me.

Congratulations!  The start of a new chapter - exciting times ahead

good luck, ajtent!  i've been on HRT for going on two months and it's been a revelation. it won't solve all your problems, but it can be an important step.   

Hello Ajtent - congratulations on beginning a journey of change towards a body you are more comfortable living in.

If I can offer you some advice:

- Remain mindful of the emotional effects of hormones. Particularly at a time when you are dealing with a lot of uncertainty about your life changes and the future , who knows what about you. Take some time with pets and nature too. Enjoy pets, sunsets, and plants if you like them. Cry when you have to. But don't feel ashamed.

- Don't forget that femininity isn't just about clothing or body shapes.

- Gender fluidity is an awesome phenomenon that liberates us of the shackles of binary masculine and feminine behaviour.

All the best.


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Thank you all
I am very happy knowing that HRT is coming soon.
The only questions I have are safety in how they are introduced into my body.
I am studying other threads on this wonderful site. This site is invaluable to us and if you can, please support it to keep Susan going.
I think of myself as very, very lucky.
I was a self-abuser and at any point I could have hurt myself to the point of bleeding out. I knew I was different very early on but my self abuse started at age 8 when my Mom attempted suicide in front of me. For 55 years, I attempted to strangle my anatomy. Sometimes, I hung from as high as 15 feet off the ground. I don't know how I survived without ripping my testicles off which is what I was wanting to do. I felt I was a coward for not being able to take the pain to completion.
After having survived 64 years in this foreign body, I now get to be who I really am and finish my life out with a body as close as I can make it to what I should have been born with. Not many get to know intimately what it feels like to live two separate lives as different genders. I am learning, growing braver and looking forward to shutting down the testosterone and finding the feminine side of me.
I just wish I could have made the changes long, long ago. It would have given me a lot of peace.