Thanks Ellie! It definitely did! I mean you pretty much described me... and there's already excitement building for HRT. I'm just worried that maybe the excitement is some sort of a fetish/thrill and isn't something I really want. But going through a second puberty will probably get old really quick if it's not something I actually want.

Thanks Sadie  I do keep having doubts about it being too late because of the risks and everything with my career (I'm in IT) and just general future in the industry. And trying to fill the social role that I want. I almost feel incapable of being feminine, there's still something in me that kind of pulls back and I also just don't know how... I guess I'm missing the energy that often makes being a girl more engaging and fun. All I think I can do though is start HRT and just see if I like what happens, the rest like my career I can't really control which horrified me but it's probably not reason enough to pass up potentialy amazing changes to my personal life. Which I could definitely use!

Quote from: Clairetheanalytical on November 28, 2017, 08:31:58 PM
Thanks Sadie  I do keep having doubts about it being too late because of the risks and everything with my career (I'm in IT) and just general future in the industry.

I'm pretty sure half the members of this forum are in IT, myself included.

That's super surprising! It really makes me worry about being able to support myself in the future :/

Quote from: Clairetheanalytical on November 28, 2017, 09:26:57 PM
That's super surprising! It really makes me worry about being able to support myself in the future :/

In general, it's not a bad industry to be in when it comes to transitioning, as it tends to attract people who tend to be a bit more open minded. It's going to hinge more on where you live(which of course effects everything). I work with family and am back in school at the moment though so take what I say with a grain of salt, but there are a few people who transitioned while actively working so perhaps they can weigh in with more relevant words.

Funny enough my degree is in Computer Science but I ended up locking people up for a living. Gender dysphoria does have a tendency to make you socially awkward though so I can see IT appealing as that described most of my fellow students.

I was worried it was a fetish cause I spent years dressing at home, mainly in lingerie, and doing what you'd expect. I had nowhere to go and wasn't out though so what else could I do. When I started dressing properly and going out though I realised I personally didn't care about my boy looks and thought I looked great as Ellie. I also realised I want all the stuff that comes with changing and to be able to just sit chatting with the girls like I did when I went out with some as Ellie. At that point it goes way beyond a fetish. Only you can decide which it is though of course.

The first two transitioned women I knew well worked at John Hancock insurance and IBM and had had their transition fully covered by insurance they were a programmer and database architect whid been for GCS in the late '80s and late '90s respectively.

My spouse's story is similar to yours--a history of depression, but didn't hit upon transitioning until recently.

From my perspective, I think if you look in the mirror and want to see a female face looking back at you (sans makeup etc.), then transitioning is most likely the right choice for you.

From my experience, I feel issues of being feminine or a social role really fall away, because ultimately, what's going on isn't about being feminine or a particular social role, it's the face you want looking back at you in the mirror.

<3

I can really relate to this post as well as to many of the replies mentioning not feeling "trans" when younger.  For me there were plenty of "signs" along the way, but I didn't really mind being a boy.  I liked sports and climbing trees and playing with cars, etc.  Things you would typically associate with a boy.

I always did prefer the company of girls, and then there was the time I wore some play dresses when I was about 6 (only stopped because I didn't like how people looked at me), or the times I fantasized there was a secret room in our house where I could become a girl temporarily and then change back when I needed to.  I didn't mind having a penis but definitely didn't want any body hair. I dated girls but would sometimes fantasize about being with a man as a female. 

Yeah, it's pretty obvious now.  Back then...  it's crazy almost how easy it was to suppress. 

If you don't feel your figure is feminine enough try wearing a corset - makes a major difference for me and when I look at myself dressed and with a clearly more feminine figure... that is a really nice feeling.