Hello Girls! Happy New Year! [emoji322][emoji312][emoji898][emoji4]
Yes, I'm still alive - just very, very quiet, patiently waiting for FFS, which is now only 35 days away. [emoji352]
I've been doing good and I still feel great. Much more confident, also. Where I previously stressed out a bit internally when I had to be exposed to crowds (such as a shopping mall), I now just don't care anymore. Along the last few weeks, I finally reached an important conclusion. And it sat just in front of me since the very beginning of my transition, but I was too excited that I didn't even took the time to reflect on it. And the conclusion is: passing and being correctly gendered are two entirely different beasts. Passing implies that, whoever looks at you, sees a woman and the thought of you being a trans woman does not even cross their minds. Being correctly gendered means that whoever looks at you treats you as a woman and it doesn't necessarily imply that you pass as a woman; it means that, even if the person notices something different about you, that you are a woman with masculine traits or even a cis-male assuming the role of a woman, they'll assume that you want to be gendered as a woman and will have enough respect and be enough open minded to proceed in such a way. It's very much cultural.
In very conservative societies (e.g. Saudi Arabia, Turkmenistan...), in order to be correctly gendered it is critical to be passable, otherwise you incur the risk of being ostracized, bullied, beaten or even killed. In a free, democratic, secular and open society, such as Belgian Flanders (where I live), you'll tend to be correctly gendered even if you don't pass, as long as your presentation states in a reasonably clear way how you want to be gendered.
And what made me reach this apparently anodyne conclusion? My own experience. At the hospital where I work as an ED physician, my patients (whom I never met before, in the overwhelming majority of cases) gender me correctly in 90-95% of cases, despite wearing unisex scrubs. With many of them, I do notice an initial look of surprise, but then, as the conversation warms up, they become clearly aware of how I want to be gendered and they do so. The nurses tell me that sometimes, after I've left the observation room, some patients will ask them: "Nurse, it's a really sweet doctor, but is it man or a woman?" (I asked the nurses to answer with the truth - that I am a woman [emoji68]⚕️). It's true that their soft attitude has something to do with the fact that I tend to be "sweeter" than your typical ED physician - I listen to them with empathy, comfort them, talk to them with a very calm and soothing voice and they love that (it's always been like that, but since I started HRT, my degree of "sweetness" has totally blown out the scale [emoji23]). So I know that, when I'm wearing my scrubs and my surgical cap, although androgynous, I am not always passable as a woman. Still, the overwhelming majority of people gender me correctly and I think that this has been my Holy Grail since the beginning. Taking steps to pass (for example with FFS) is just one more step, one more cue, to being correctly gendered (besides the fact that it's important for myself)... It will also possibly allow me to travel to somewhat more conservative regions of the world, such as Brazil or India, without the fear of being beaten to death.
On the corporate website of my hospital, not only my name but also my pic are now updated! [emoji322] See screencapture below...
Now, changing subject... I now wear mostly heels. [emoji16] It's still cold, so so far I've been using only boots, but I already bought a nice pair of pumps which I feel will be really cute with wide leg trousers (I love those!) The first few days were excruciating for my feet... but now, I find them quite more comfortable than flat soles. Of course, it also depends on what I'm doing (trekking, shopping...) And yes, Elkie, I still do wear skirt, occasionally! You did convince me! [emoji126]
For New Year's Eve, I went to London with my wife and two kids. And when I say "I", I mean Sarah, of course! And this time, unlike my trip to Finland, I went as a quite womanly Sarah, not simply an androgynous one... [emoji6] Everything went really good and I wasn't misgendered one single time during the entire trip! At the airports (Brussels and Heathrow), the agents at the customs called me "Madam" and then we gave them our passports and when he saw mine (still with my male name, gender and photo) they asked "Hummm... Who is this?", to which I answered, with (I reckon) a somewhat naughty smile: "That used to be me... That passport will be updated in a couple weeks, hopefully". They just nodded, still incredulous, and just let me pass... [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] Anyways, our stay in London was wonderful and I strongly advise you to see the NYE fireworks in London at least once in your lifetime - it's unforgettable! Earlier, on the 31st we took a very pleasant ride on the Coca-Cola London Eye and our first meal in 2018 (a VERY important year) was a brunch at the panoramic Duck & Waffle London. I really wanted to make this transition between 2017 and 2018 very, very special! And it was! [emoji4]
Speaking of ID, tomorrow, together with my wife, I'm making a day-trip to Lisbon to have my name and gender officially changed at the Civil Registry and on my birth certificate. I'm not sure how long it will actually take to make the change, but I'm hoping for less than a month. I would really love to go back to work officially as Sarah after FFS (my first shift will be on the 14/03).
Since the 01/01, there is a new law in Belgium which states that if you want to change your name and gender, you just have to go to your local Civil Registry with such a statement and they will do the change - no need for surgeries or sterilisation or even for clinical reports from anyone anymore! Unfortunately, I am not a Belgian citizen (yet)... So I will have to take the difficult path. But once I've done the change in Portugal, it will be easy to do the change in Belgium.
Well... No further big news for now. Just wanted to share a bit of my transition with you and remind you that I constantly think about you all!
Big warm hug, Sarah [emoji134]♀️[emoji173]
Sent from my SM-T810 using Tapatalk
