Quote from: dissipate on December 04, 2017, 07:53:32 AM
I am not out to any family members except for my sister, who is somewhat neutral. My parents think I might be a lesbian but they prefer to pretend, and perhaps it's a don't ask don't tell situation too. Giving you a hug purplewolf.

Am in the midst of planning top surgery in the US next year. Because I do not live in the US but my sister does, I thought I could save money on accommodation and transport, and bunk in with her for about two weeks. But she's asked me to go rent an Airbnb instead

Wow...So sorry.

My family are notoriously self-absorbed and self-interested people, so they're too busy serving themselves to be hateful. At the same time they also don't give a crap about me. The sort of people who only call up or get in contact when they want something, but are never available should I need something.

I guess it's middle ground.

Doesn't really matter; I don't need them, and it's taken me four or five years to realize whatever I may think they "owe" me in terms of care isn't happening (and some of them did owe considering what they've put me through with their addictions and mental issues), so I might as well suck it up and get on with my own life. They're 300 miles away, thank god.

Quote from: PurpleWolf on November 19, 2017, 12:15:22 PM
Quote from Tommie_9:

My family has never accepted me. They tolerate me, which means they don't blatantly hate me. BUT they have NEVER made ANY EFFORT WHATSOEVER to try to use my new name, ever. Unfortunately... Which means, I don't really wanna see them that much, or their families. My mom avoids calling me by any name because she knows how much I hate being dead-named. My other family members just don't care and dead-name me every time I see them, which isn't often... I don't think this is ever going to change. They blatantly ignore me being trans. They totally avoid talking about it and never bring that up. This has been going on since I was 13... Though in my teenage years they actually blatantly hated me and said some VERY hurtful things . And as years have passed, that has "evolved" into "don't ask don't tell".

It just is what it is. I think they are transphobic and homophobic by character... It hurts but... they aren't the only people in the world, luckily!

Wolf I can totally relate to this last part!!!!! My family is actually in between acceptance and tolerance. Mine right now dead name me, don't attempt the right pronouns and just tell me "we are adjusting to it." They have always told me they would love me and accept no matter what. At one point they told me if I came out gay that it would be fine. Now that I came out as transgender the talk has not become action. They feel as if I betrayed them changing my name. They send me mixed signals all the time. I have talked to my father once. My mother seems to accept it sort of. I don't know if they will warm up to it, but as you said they aren't the only people in the world. I have allies at work and love them for it. Several customers have been rude and called me an "it" and my manager told them they can call the home office and tell them how awful it is to have a trans person working there. So I have people that have my back big time and I couldn't ask for more. I totally relate and it chokes me up reading what you are going through.

Quote from: dissipate on December 04, 2017, 07:53:32 AM
I am not out to any family members except for my sister, who is somewhat neutral. My parents think I might be a lesbian but they prefer to pretend, and perhaps it's a don't ask don't tell situation too. Giving you a hug purplewolf.

Thanks  ! I needed it.

Quote from: dissipate on December 04, 2017, 07:53:32 AM
Am in the midst of planning top surgery in the US next year. Because I do not live in the US but my sister does, I thought I could save money on accommodation and transport, and bunk in with her for about two weeks. But she's asked me to go rent an Airbnb instead

Damn! That sounds cruel  .

Good luck to you too!!! And hugs!

Quote from: Jailyn on December 04, 2017, 06:49:06 PM
Wolf I can totally relate to this last part!!!!! My family is actually in between acceptance and tolerance. Mine right now dead name me, don't attempt the right pronouns and just tell me "we are adjusting to it."

Wanna know how long my family has been 'adjusting'  ?!? Just reconnected with my sister (if you can call it that!) and tried to make her understand via email... Result: she claims this is all news to her (!!!) though she has known since I was 13.......... And told me she might be able to accept the fact 'as time goes by'!!! Right...! Like, how much time do you need exactly?!

Btw I'm so sorry to hear all that...  Just warning that if it takes for them more than few years to 'adjust' to it - they probably never will... So, be mentally prepared!

Quote from: Jailyn on December 04, 2017, 06:49:06 PM
They have always told me they would love me and accept no matter what. At one point they told me if I came out gay that it would be fine. Now that I came out as transgender the talk has not become action. They feel as if I betrayed them changing my name. They send me mixed signals all the time. I have talked to my father once. My mother seems to accept it sort of. I don't know if they will warm up to it, but as you said they aren't the only people in the world. I have allies at work and love them for it. Several customers have been rude and called me an "it" and my manager told them they can call the home office and tell them how awful it is to have a trans person working there. So I have people that have my back big time and I couldn't ask for more. I totally relate and it chokes me up reading what you are going through.

I'm just so sorry to hear all that... Isn't there any laws against discrimination where you live?

Quote from: Jailyn on December 04, 2017, 06:49:06 PM
I totally relate and it chokes me up reading what you are going through.

Thank you so much for support! And keep your head high, okay? And spend time with the allies!!! Ignore the rest.

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

Let's just say this short time I've spent on this forum I've felt more support & acceptance than EVER from my family members in my life...

I do now  !!!

My Aunt on my dads side Know and is ok with it does not care she just want me me to be happy and my cousin on my moms side knows and she says the same. my mom passed away when I was 8 but I know she would be ok with it. My dad well that is another store on for a horror movie.

If by supportive you mean " i know your trans but so what until i see you as female your a dude to me" or maybe " yeah i believe you and i know your in pain but ehh what cha gonna do." Only my mom treats me like a girl 90% percent of the time and worries about me and my depression. My brothers only use female pronouns around my step sis because other wise he feels awkward. My step sis i feel like she doesn't belive that being transexual is real but i don't know. My dad; his own words" i dont accept it but i love you i'm not like those ->-bleeped-<- fathers that kick there kid out" although i live a lone. And he repeat it alot wich makes me thinks huhhh....oh well.

I haven't told any of my family but i think my mother might suspect. My grandparents live with her and i am unsure about how they would react, they are very set in their ways.
Seen my dad maybe once in the last three years so what he thinks doesn't really matter. Of my two sisters the youngest would be fine with it, while the other would use it as another source for her issues like everything else.

Quote from: iamthatiam8 on December 13, 2017, 03:47:45 AM
If by supportive you mean " i know your trans but so what until i see you as female your a dude to me" or maybe " yeah i believe you and i know your in pain but ehh what cha gonna do." Only my mom treats me like a girl 90% percent of the time and worries about me and my depression. My brothers only use female pronouns around my step sis because other wise he feels awkward. My step sis i feel like she doesn't belive that being transexual is real but i don't know. My dad; his own words" i dont accept it but i love you i'm not like those ->-bleeped-<- fathers that kick there kid out" although i live a lone. And he repeat it alot wich makes me thinks huhhh....oh well.

My dad was the same way :/

Flora & Elis - I feel for you  !!!
Hang in there! There are supportive people in this world.