Hi everyone,
I apologize to anyone who may have seen a post similar to this from me already, I just wanted to get a few more of some of the lovely people on here

I have lived my whole life without questioning my manhood. However, ever since puberty, I have always had sexual fantasies about being in a womans body in sexual situations. So basically when I masturbate I tend to imagine myself as the woman in the porn I am watching or even having sex with my girlfriend, I sometimes as I imagine myself as her. For a really long time I thought those fantasies meant that I was gay. However, I am not attracted to men, and I am definitely attracted to women. So I really don't see these fantasies meaning I am gay. So recently I posted in a facebook group dedicated to sexual fantasies asking if people thought my own fantasies were weird, and a handful of people suggested that I was trans and didn't realize it. Others suggested it would be damaging to my mental health for others to inform me I am trans because I have been having these fantasies my whole life, because gender identiy is a completely seperate entity than sexual orientation. For the latter reason, I don't want to jump into assuming I am trans if it is not necessarily the case. However, without jumping to conclusions, I am trying to be as open minded here as possible, So I have a few questions for you all!


-What kind of things do I need to be asking myself(or possibly experiment with) to allow me to discover whether or not I am trans? I don't know where to start which makes it extremely hard for me to explore this.

-Has anyone else had a similar fantasy that eventually led to them realizing that they were trans?

-If I we're trans, would I simply know it? Is the fact that I am unsure a sign that I am not?



I have OCD, and part of that is obsessing over things that I may or may not have (sickness usually, but in this case people suggested I was trans and I haven't been able to get it out of my head for like a week now), so I just want to make sure I am exploring things in a healthy way.

Other random things you should know about me:
-I hate my chest hair, and shave it off very often
-Aside from video games, I am not into most things that would be considered "masculine" or whatever
-I have always been jealous of the role of women in dating and general social roles, and wish I could have their social role (although this is something I might be able to chalk up to being shy because i have initiating conversations with women i am interested in)
-I have always been captivated by movies/books/shows that involved body swaps (ex: freaky friday, ranma half)
-Although I am definitely not gay, because I know I am not attracted to men, I have never found myself particularly attracted to vaginas like most men seem to be. But like I said, not attracted to guys, very attracted to women. When I masturbate, it is rarely to the thought of being <not allowed> by a man, but more like blowing a man.
-Although my sexual fantasies are now of me being in a womans body while having sex, when i first hit puberty, I would masterbate exclusively to the thought of just being a women in non sexual situations

At the same time, I just cherry picked what made me suspicious about being trans. I could also probably come up with a whole list of stuff that would reaffirm that I am not trans.

There is so much stuff that may be able to be chalked up to being shy or just being a feminine guy and nothing more, and other stuff I am not so sure, so i just wanted to get thoughts from you all.

Thank you for taking the time to read

Hi hon.

The transgender umbrella is large, and accomodating. The where to start part is easy enough - see a gender therapist, they will enable you to explore your understanding of your gender in a way that is compatible with the therapies you've received for your OCD.

However, they will not be able to say 'yes you're trans' as that is a conclusion that you need to come to for yourself. The acid test though, generally, is that the CIS population don't question their gender or role, so by that definition, you may be, but the prolonged questioning could be as a result of your OCD, (hence the suggestion to see a professional and talk with them about it).

Welcome.

Rowan

Some people know they are transgender. Others, like me, spend a lot of time questioning gender identity before figuring it out. Honestly, your best bet is to speak with a therapist that specializes in gender identity. They can help you sort through your thoughts by asking you the right questions. I can't stress enough how invaluable therapy was for me. Ultimately you'll come to your own conclusions.

How do you feel about being gendered female all the time, by yourself and others, outside of a sexual context?
How do you feel about being gendered male all the time, by yourself and others, outside of a sexual context?

Those are the questions to ask yourself.

Oh can I every relate.

Without too many details, I'm still super early in my process (pre-hormones) and still figuring it out. But as Sno pointed out the umbrella is large and I've come to realize I'm on the scale somewhere. Now just in the process of finding out how far I want to go.

I too for most of my life fetishizes the female part of me, only dressed for arousal, or so I thought. Until an ex girlfriend of mine, who knew my desires, came home with a dress for me, told me to get dressed up in my favorite lingerie and put on the dress. Once done she put on makeup with me (her's as I didn't own any at the time) and she proceeded to paint a picture of me as female on one half and male on the other. That started making me think.

I've been happy as a fairly masculine guy, doing the usually more male associated sports, cars and motorcycles (not saying women cannot do those, I'm all for that) but just started to realize that it didn't matter what activities I defined myself by.

Now what has made me more and more sure is seeing a therapist in regards to my gender identity. And for the last 8 months, I go fully dressed to these sessions, wigs, female clothes, shoes and makeup. Not anything extreme but clothes I'd love to wear as my true self. The sessions are completely different now, I'm so much more connected to my inner self, my feelings and I express myself best when presenting female.

The scary and anxious part of parking and walking the couple of minutes to her office has actually now become liberating. I make a point of taking a selfie after the session as I'm walking to my car as the first time I did and send it to two of my best friends they simply said, you look so happy and at peace.

The hard part for me now is coming to terms with what I'll most likely look like, a broad shouldered, tall (could lose a bit of weight) and masculine looking female.

So if taking the step to a therapist is to big or something you are not ready to, well then there are services, for example in New York or LA that offers full make over classes. Once dressed around other people, I realized that it actually wasn't about sex, it was like that because I felt more close to myself, true to myself and that was what turned me on. Not just about wearing something even if that is a big part of it!

And like you, I now always masturbate to the thoughts of being female, not even sexual scenarios. Just fantasizing of what I would wear, no body hair, painted nails and walking outside as myself, female!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sounds pretty much the same as me before accepting I was trans. I remember basically watching girlfriends, sister, etc shop for clothes and being jealous of how much more fun it is for them. Every store is loaded with women's clothes of all different colors and styles, the men's section a sad, lonely corner near the restroom full of greens, blacks, and browns. I did an awful lot of soul searching before deciding, because I'm an all or nothing type of person, it doesn't have to be that way for you, just is for me. Either I was going to be as close to female as I can get, or I wasn't going to do anything. A lot of work ahead.

To steal an amazing question I read on this site somewhere before, and have regurgitated before... If there was a 100% accurate "trans test", and it said you were NOT trans, would you be disappointed? If you had a button to perfectly swap your gender to the opposite one, and everyone would believe you've always been the new gender, how many times would you press it?

I know I'm just basically saying a lot of what's already been said here, but what you are going through sounds a lot like me.  I think back on growing up, and there are a lot of things that I look at and can point to and say "yeah, I should have known something was up."  I'd play female characters in video games, I had an attraction to "genderbending" songs (Lola by the Kinks, Take a Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed, etc.), I was insanely jealous of the girls on prom night, and so on and so forth.  And a lot of it definitely started as a sexual desire - it segued into bondage and fetishistic cross dressing - and at the time I dismissed a lot of my 'wanting to be female' thoughts as kink or perversion that hit me through puberty.  If I had the internet access then that I do now, things may have gone very differently for me - but growing up in Nowheresville CT in the 90s, I just figured these thoughts were confusing, and something I just needed to "deal with".  Fast forward 25 years, and it seems obvious.  Back then, not so much.

But I'll go to the question - "am I trans?" - and while I don't have an answer, I'll echo what a lot of people have said.  The fact that you are asking the question means that, at a minimum, you aren't 100% cisgendered.  But rather than thinking of "trans" as a yes or no question, think of it as a spectrum.  Being trans means a lot of things to a lot of people, and it can take a lot to figure it out.

Myself - I'm seeing a gender therapist, and while I have a lot of the same things you've seen in yourself, I still hesitate to say "yes, I am trans".  Because while there are parts of me that would die to be female, I don't necessarily want to give up on being male either.  I'm not at a place where I am ready to to make that change, at least not permanently.  Then again, in 5 years, maybe I will be, but at this point I'm not there yet.  So don't worry if you don't walk away with an answer - discovering yourself is a journey, not a destination.

I can so relate. for as many years as I can remember transformation fantasies (especially gender) were my go to to cope with the reality of being in a body I didn't like or particularity want. Its early days yet, but the changes that have happened so far have driven the need for such fantasy out of me. The cost is most likely be high and I doubt my  marriage will survive it. However, the fact I wake up every day and see a confident, beautiful me with never ending enthusiasm for ... everything has to be enough to say that it is, and will be worth the cost. Still a bit miffed about the loss in physical strength though. Now I have to really be smart how I do things involving heavy loads.

It's great to see you've already had a lot of advice from people who started out with similar base signs as your self. For me it became unbearable to live as male as soon as puberty set in, and I started to dress feminine, grow my hair out and wear makeup at a fairly young age -even if I didn't outright switch to girl at that point.

Starting out by getting some womans clothes for your self -simple not sexual clothes, to separate it from that world- and wearing them in private I think would be good. Just an outfit or two would be cheaper than going with a therapist right away, but may at least give you an inkling that it feels right and comfortable for you.

A good therapist with experience helping trans people is easily the best option, so you should go for that quite early in your process if possible. Most important is to be honest with yourself, and that you do NOT do irreversible things that you are not quite confident are right for you! Transitioning is not trivial, and the goal isn't to go 'all the way' and do it 'correctly' as according to some idealized image of how to transition. The goal is to do just enough to make you happy with your own body, and to live in harmony with your self. If that means looking like a woman but having a penis, thats OK. If it means just cross dressing a bit now and then, thats completely fine. And if it means going all the way and having SRS/GCS and full HRT, then that is fine too. All that matters is that you do it because you want and need to do it, and for the right reasons. Regardless, best of luck <3

And welcome!