Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 07, 2017, 11:05:47 AM
It's not your gender. It's your body language and lack of assertiveness. It has absolutely nothing to do with having a female voice, etc. either!
Step 1: Have a high self-esteem. Value yourself. Trust in yourself. Believe in yourself. You can do this!
Step 2: When you have good self-esteem you don't feel doubt, insecurity etc. You feel proud to be who you are - and are relaxed. This shows. That makes you radiate confidence around you.
Step 3: Body-language: This is THE most important thing!!! Even if you are not feeling it, try these things: always walk like you were a lot taller. Shoulders back. Walk straight. Smile. Or at least radiate confidence, good looks and that you feel good about yourself. This is TOTALLY 100% subconsicous - but when people sense you feel great about yourself, they'll listen to you.
Step 4: Don't whine. Don't ask. Tell.
Always be straight. Keep your voice calm and assertive. Don't yell. Never scream! Don't raise your voice.
As a matter of facly: I want you to do this. I need this done right now. I need help with this. You can go do that right now! Please hurry, that needs to be done by today!
You can be polite and friendly. But don't say things like you are asking a favor from them...! 'pleeeease, could you do this? I'd reaally need this done, if any way possible??' Don't do that!
Managing people is like managing children. You tell them what to do and they must respect you. But children don't respect you either if you yell or lose your temper. Or ask favors.
If they do not comply with your orders, calmly state there will be consequences.
But NEVER lose your cool!!! Trust me - they will listen if you follow these tips, 100%. In order for them to comply with your orders, you must first yourself BELIEVE they are going to. Expecting earns respect. Expect that they do. And they will.
If they give you attitude, be honest: I don't like that attitude.
Always remain straight, honest and somewhat polite but demanding.
One great tip: Express gratitude!!! Whenever they do a great job (or decent), say: that was great. I'm really impressed you got that done so fast. etc. But don't lie or sugar-coat things. People will respect you 100 times more when you show them you APPRECIATE what they are doing for you. As simple as that. A simple thanks can make someone's day. And when they feel respected by you (their manager) that means they are willing to work that extra mile to make you happy next time too, 
. Absolutely guaranteed.
Respect earns respect.
Here are some great articles worth checking out:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/body-language
https://socialwork.buffalo.edu/content/dam/socialwork/home/self-care-kit/exercises/assertiveness-and-nonassertiveness.pdf
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/8-psychological-tips-for-being-more-confident-0318157
Most importantly - you are not their friend, you are their manager. So you do not need to feel awkward or ashamed to order them do things. It's your job. And their job is to comply.
Forgive me, but I don't think you read my subsequent post. If you did then I should clarify.
1) I am confident Horticulture is the thing I am most confident about.
2) I am extremely knowledgeable in my field.
3) I do in fact know quite a bit about managing people. I have a humanistic approach to management.
I specifically state that I KNOW that some of what is happening is down right misogyny.
1) this isn't new.
2) I have given every other idea about what's going on time and effort.
3) I am not someone who even likes to think about the fact that it IS misogyny, because that slaps me in the face with my transness.
4) On a daily basis I am constantly called "lady, girl, sweetie, cute" even when I have politely, assertively, and repeatedly asked to be called by my name. Even gone as far as to explain that the constant gendering was what I didn't like.
5) Guys that know my education and experience background repeatedly "tell me how to do something" I not only know, but know better than they do.
6) I have repeatedly had my blower, 50lbs bags of fertilizer and ice melt taken from my hands, "because a woman shouldn't lift that" "it's to heavy for you". My responses were "I got this." "No really I can handle it", "I need to do my job and you need to do yours", "Thanks,I will ask for help if I need it." "I signed up for this job, I signed up for this (activity)." And finally, "Do we need to go have a chat with Eddie about you letting me do my job"
7) my work is constantly praised my management, while every one else always seems to have issues with management. But they tell me how to do my job constantly.
I have been told how nice my legs are, how much one of my crew "cares" for me, but respects my marriage." My response was "I'd rather you respect me" "you really should not say things like that to me" I asked coworkers to speak to him, and I finally had to threaten to go to My boss.
I outline this, not to have a pitty party, but to outline that I understand management techniques, I am well aware of what assertiveness is, but that there is a great deal more going on. I am trying to figure out a work around that doesn't envolve running it up the chain.
I also have little to no ability to give any sort of consequences except going to management. I do not have write up power. So there really are no consequences for their actions. If I call attention to it I literally get obstenance and sulking. I have literally had guys throw down rakes and walk off yelling "I'm done" when I want as far as to say "Please Don't Play in the sprinklers." My response was to ask if he had a car oblem with me as he had been rude to just me all morning. He responded by telling me, that no he had no problems, and that throwing things and storming into ft were all in my head.
If I do go to my boss, I become the "one that tattle tales."
Also I do express gratitude. More than anyone else there. But has the be genuine. There is one guy that give compliments over ->-bleeped-<-ty work on a regular basis. I don't do that. When I work under that guy I knew he was blue wing smoke and I find that utterly distasteful.
