I'm Lucas and I'm currently 28.

I always thought of myself as a boy even as a child. When I was 8 I went swimming with my clothes on and had to wear my friends clothes home. I remember looking in my bathroom mirror when I got home and ran and asked my mother if she could buy me clothes like his; she refused to though. When I was about 11 I found out boys still had to sign up the draft to vote, I swore I never would. I was jealous of my best-friend when he started getting a deeper voice and asked my mother if mine would get deeper too; I was so upset when she said no. Even when I had crushes on boys I didn't want to be with them as a girl. There have been times when people have referred to me as he and I always felt a surge of happiness inside.

Anyway, sorry if I bored anyone with too many details. I'm here because I'm tired of not doing anything to change my life and feeling like I don't have any resources. I'm tired of not doing anything to move towards living as male. The closest gender therapist I can even find is a four hour drive round trip, which isn't really practical. I hope I can find support/resources here.

Hi Lucas 

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Hugs

V M

A hearty welcome to Susan's, Lucas.

I can understand your difficulty finding a gender therapist. I live in a small city in the Bible belt. There are none in my city. I searched online and found several through Psychology Today that were about 100 miles away (3 hours round trip). I settled on one because she is associated with a transgender support group. Through this group I was told about several physicians that regularly treat transgender patients (for getting HRT). So once or twice a month I take a day trip. It sucks, but a sacrifice that is so worth it.

I'm actually in Amarillo today for estrogen pellets. Staying overnight with a friend and going to the VA tomorrow for the first time. I'm going to see what they're able to do to help me with my transition.

Well the decision is ultimately yours, but I'm willing to sacrifice a day and $20 in gas for the happiness of feeling right in the world.

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Stacy,

I know I just feel like I should be able to find someone closer, especially since I live near a college city. I would rather not have to drive two hours back home after being emotionally drained for an hour. I'd be more willing to use video chat if that's what it came down to. I just was hoping by joining here, eventually, I could find different recommendations that are more convenient.

There are therapists that do offer online sessions. I sometimes do my sessions via Facebook video chat. Just do a search for "online gender therapist" or something to that effect. If you have insurance check to see if they'll cover it. And check to see if the therapist takes your insurance. (My insurance doesn't cover anything transgender related so my therapist bills it under "depression".) If you decide to start HRT, you'll have the same issues of having to find someone that can and will prescribe them to you.

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Hi LO --

I'm new here but down to help if I can.

I found this on Google -- I can't vouch for
this site (it looks good) -- I'm just saying
I haven't read it or vetted it but it looks like
there are tons of female to male resources on here:

http://www.ftmguide.org/

I have also heard my trans male friend speak highly
of the autobiography Leslie Feinberg wrote "Stone Butch
Blues."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stone_Butch_Blues

Welcome!

Claire,

Thanks for the welcome and the link to the guide. I'll look into the book too; I've only heard good things about Leslie Feinberg.

~Lucas