Good evening guys and dolls.

Tonight's topic:  TG on TG Dating

Would you or have you dated a fellow transgender?

I can see a few pros and cons here.

It would be nice to be with somebody who's been through the same process or is in some way gender variant and thus 'gets' you.

On the other hand - seems like an awful lot of baggage with TWO transgender peeps under one roof.

Also - as transgendered people...
Isn't what we really want to just be free of and past all the gender issues? And thus maybe a cisgender person might make a better match?

Or not?

All I know is that you ladies keep tormenting me with pics of your beautiful selves and you're REALLY making me think long and hard about this.

I have dated a MtF.  I would not date another Transgender person again because there was too much emotional stress, and it eventually tore us apart.  Two MtF's trying to cope with the wrong body, while trying to have a romantic relationship?  Pre-op?   Yea, anyways~  Too hard on every aspect of the relationship.  Additionally, it turns out she wanted a guy.  Go figure.

I'm just a girl who loves a guy, and yes, we both have a transsexual history.  Does that make a difference?  No! Should it? I don't think so.  We are just as any other cisgendered couple.  We both have dated and been in long time relationships with cisgendered people in the past; I have been with biological men, and he has been with genetic girls.

QuoteIsn't what we really want to just be free of and past all the gender issues? And thus maybe a cisgender person might make a better match?

No, a cisgendered person wouldn't be a better match.  A best match is someone whom you love and loves you regardless of your past, history, and whatever else there is.  A best match is someone whom you respect and respects you in return; a best match is someone you consider your love, your companion, your best friend, your shoulder to cry on, your strength, your lover and vice versa. We don't talk about gender issues as some people on this board would think.  There are more fun things to do in life.  We don't even talk about our transsexual histories, except on very few occasions.  What we were (to whatever degree that was) is NOT important.  What we ARE NOW is.   Indeed, the only time that we are reminded that we were not born cisgendered is when we are here.

tink

For a long time i would have said, not a chance.... too much emontinal baggage etc, but also for a long time i would have said i would never date a guy. Now it's just depends on the person, if they are a person i click with and are relatively stable .. sure i would give it a go. if not, i wouldn't, regardless of gender.

I have dated transgendered people in the past and I will say for many there is a good chance of chemistry, if TG people can get over the whole concept of "we're getting together because of our disorders" which it really isn't about.  I find many of us wind up sharing many more hobbies and interests, and there's always that mutual undercurrent of not just acceptance, but rather that TG is a non-issue, assuming you get together with someone who's emotionally stable enough within themselves.  Presumably a fair amount of us still do go see a therapist and work out all our issues (not just the GID issues) which for me of the ones that I have dated, they have had very good heads on their shoulders.

Basically, there's a common thread there where you can develop a friendship that can turn into very deep love.  I have never fallen into an infatuation or otherwise with another TG, more so that I grew to care for their well-being to the point where they became someone I was dating by "default."  This goes for pretty much anyone else I have dated, cisgendered or otherwise.

I already challenge society's concept of gender by existing, so why should I rule out someone else for doing the same?

-Kit

Quote from: Kiera on March 01, 2008, 06:03:45 PM

Quote from: Nero on March 01, 2008, 04:36:02 PMTonight's topic:  TG on TG Dating

Have you? would you?

I have not!

Would you, could you,
on a boat?

I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not meet them in the rain.
I will not meet them on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like them in a box.
I do not like them with a fox.
I will not meet them in a house.
I do not like them with a mouse.
I do not like them here or there.

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like them ANYWHERE!   

So Let Us Be!  LOL 

Now, when Sassy Lasses balk,
it's called a Sassy Lassy Battle.

And when they battle in a puddle,
it's a Sassy Lassy Puddle Battle.

AND when Sassy Lasses battle with paddles in a puddle,
they call it a Sassy Lassy Puddle Paddle Battle.

AND when Lasses battle Lasses in a Puddle Paddle Battle,
and the Lassy battle's puddle is a puddle in a bottle,
they call this a Sassy Lassy Bottle Puddle Paddle Battle Muddle.

AND when Lasses balk these battles in a bottle with their paddles,
and the bottle's on a poodle, and the poodle's eating noodles,
they call this a Muddle Puddle Sassy Poodle Lassy Noodle Bottle Paddle Battle. AND--

Now wait a minute, Ms. Kiera...

Don't knock it 'til you tried it was the moral of that Dr. Seuss book.

-Kit

Quote from: kirakero on March 01, 2008, 04:39:29 PM
I have dated a MtF.  I would not date another Transgender person again because there was too much emotional stress, and it eventually tore us apart.  Two MtF's trying to cope with the wrong body, while trying to have a romantic relationship?  Pre-op?   Yea, anyways~  Too hard on every aspect of the relationship.  Additionally, it turns out she wanted a guy.  Go figure.

Hmmm... That last part sounds like the real problem.

As to emotional issues and coping -- definitely a case-by-case kind of issue. I wouldn't want to paint with too broad of a brush.

been there, done that.  too much drama.  not ever again.  thank you very much.

I haven't, but I would.  It would depend on the person, of course.   

I think it sure would be nice to be with someone who doesn't make the occasional snarky remark about me.  Not that I hear a lot of it anyway, but even a little is too much.

yes.  It does.   Now I'm going to cry   

Sure, I'd date someone who was TG, I don't care what gender my partner is, as long as everything else clicks with us. 

Z

no need to cry, it wasn't a snark it was a boojum you see.

...

As much as I'd be prepared to date anyone I would. I wouldn't mind a female bodied androgyne to be all female bodied and androgyne-y with me

Deary, both of my partners are TS, and I love them just the way they are.  And I will continue to love them after we have all had GRS.

I know that I would like to date another TG person. I believe if it is done for the right reasons and the people involved are open and honest with each other about what's going on with them then it can be very successful relationship, just like any other so called normal relationship between two people who care about each other. I agree with Tink it shouldn't matter whether someone is TG or not.

Hugz,
Ariana

Quote from: Lisbeth on March 01, 2008, 08:48:22 PM
Deary, both of my partners are TS, and I love them just the way they are.  And I will continue to love them after we have all had GRS.

You're not insinuating that you're all going to be joined at the hip, are you?   

Posted on: March 01, 2008, 08:51:23 PM

---

Quote from: Ariana on March 01, 2008, 08:50:09 PM
I agree with Tink it shouldn't matter whether someone is TG or not.

Hugz,
Ariana

You made me think.

I have come to realize that some TS people are not interested in other TS's.   At first, I thought this was a possibly mean thing of them to say, however, I've come to believe that it comes down to simple sexual orientation.   Some people are only wired to be attracted to people who are cisgendered.  Just as a gay man would only be interested in a male or a straight person would only be interested in someone of the opposite sex.

I wrote this because it occurred to me that, as a person, who doesn't really care about what the other person is, I used to feel that others were being bigoted when they said they do care what the other person's body is or was.  But, they are NOT bigoted.  They just have a particular orientation.

Since I had this epiphany, I expect a cookie.   


Posted on: March 01, 2008, 09:00:06 PM

---

Quote from: Pica Pica on March 01, 2008, 08:45:53 PM
no need to cry, it wasn't a snark it was a boojum you see.

...

As much as I'd be prepared to date anyone I would. I wouldn't mind a female bodied androgyne to be all female bodied and androgyne-y with me

There are some androgyne or gender variant women who partially transition taking Hormones, maybe even getting breast removals.

When you say 'female bodied', are you excluding these women?


Just curious.  Not judging

yeah. Unless we had fun of course and got on and things.
I like the female shape. If we are talking holding hands, then I am talking female-shaped.
If we are just talking dinner and a nice chat - bring the world on.

Oh.  I've been reading about all these fabulous and intelligent women who transition right up to the edge of becoming male.  I find them very attractive.

I understand about your desire for a conventional looking woman, though.  That's what my earlier post was about.

I guess I should now ask; what about an MtF who has completed transition and then identified as androgyne?

gray area

doesn't really matter though - I do not have the time money or inclination to date anybody.

how about if a rich androgyne turned up to woo you?

then you wouldn't need money.

then it would be a struggle, the real me would say 'go for it, it'll be fun' whilst the pretend super-ego-type me would go, 'no, we must think about the future' and the real me would win. Every time.