Ultimately, the only answer is ourselves.


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Quote from: Gertrude on December 13, 2017, 10:01:15 AM
Ultimately, the only answer is ourselves.

Painfully true...

Not much has got in my way with it but I guess the thing that I thought about most was how it would affect my partner. In some way I thought it didn't matter, because our relationship isn't perfect and he's one of those depressives who sees the glass half empty in everything when things aren't going right. He had already said a year or two before I mentioned any of this to him that he thought our relationship was screwed. Once I dropped the bomb on him he said at least all the other stuff were things "you can come back from".

That was the only thing that got in the way. I didn't care if my family cared because they just don't feature much in my life and I wouldn't let them stop my anyways. I don't care what strangers have to say about it (nobody's said anything). I don't care if my friends decided to ditch me for it (they didn't). I don't have any problems with myself or being what I am, I'm as honest with myself as I can be. So the only thing that made me feel guilty was the relationship. I explained everything, waited a year, waited another year (not sure what for), then said I was going for it. He said he knew there was no point trying to stop me as even if he thought it bizarre his values are pretty much my values - if it's who you are, there's no point trying to pretend you're something you're not or just feeling like crap for the rest of your life. Plus I guess he knows I'm incorrigible. I can take a while to make up my mind but once it's made up that's it.   

Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 13, 2017, 10:06:58 AM
Painfully true...

And I am no exception to it.  I could blame my parents for teaching me that everything LGBT was terrible, wrong, and awful.  (basically bigotry justified by religion)  But even when I had cast that off I still managed to tell myself that this was impossible.  I knew I needed to do it and I found every reason not to.

Everything got in the way people without being trans struggle a lot too. I've had to rule out so many things in my life to get to where I am. On top of that I've been in school/college and working. I always kept in my mind that I don't want to be a statistic. I can be hard on myself sometimes.. but it's out of fear like everyone already said

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The thing that held me back is still keeping me from taking any significant steps.  Family and to a smaller extent work.

My kids are teen and preteen and have struggled enough with my ex and I getting divorced.  I'm very involved in their lives and don't want to put any more pressure on them or cause them to face ridicule as a result of my decisions.  Although my ex and I get along well, she has no idea about my issues and she is quite conservative and I don't see her being very receptive to me transitioning.  Most of my family is very conservative as well but I do have some siblings that I think would be supportive but my dad...  Can't see that happening.  So here I am, trying to find a halfway point that will keep me off the radar but still alleviate some of my issues.  Still working on that answer.

I also own my own business and do contract work with local (rural and conservative) counties here.  I strongly believe that, although my contracts wouldn't be terminated, they wouldn't be renewed when they come up for bids again.  That isn't something I can put in jeopardy at this time either.

So I have no real idea what to do but I'm going to just keep moving on.

Fear. And a complete lack of anything resembling self esteem. I loathed myself utterly, especially for having my crossdressing urges (yet I still did it). I told myself I'd never be passable, I was too tall, too ugly, too deep a voice, etc....

I eventually had to overcome that fear & self-loathing, and realize that none of that mattered. It was either give transitioning a try or end it all. Well, I tried the latter (failed, thankfully), and decided what the hell do I have to lose? Let's give transitioning a try. It's worked out amazingly well!!

Fear of ridicule, fear of failure, fear of losing all that I have gained.

When I was asked this a month or two back by my counsellor, after a brief pause my answer was 'me'.
I alone am holding myself back, so there should really be no problem.
Of course there is the fear but as we are 'transitioning' into a new life and reality, then we have to accept that there are unknowns, just as there were for our first puberty, but as most of us have some, or a lot, of experience in worldly matters, then these should really be seen as challenges and not blockers.
Everyone on this site will have experienced fear about some aspect of their life or journey yet we are still here. It shows that we are tacking life and its constant fluxes and changes of path. But that is what is so good about living, in that we can make choices to make ourselves and others happier and more content.
Sorry for the waffle, but when I start getting doubt or fear over doing something, I think of this, and not externalised fear factors and it work for me, I am in control so its OK.
I will get where I want to be, one day soon.
Hugz
Katie   

For me, I was actually held back by making too much progress. I was in denial for a long time, and the relief of not fighting being trans actually threw me. I was feeling the best I had ever had as an adult, why would I want to change things? I tried one last attempt to make things work as a guy, and it did delay me for about a year. While I do deeply regret how long I waited to get started, I'm not too broken up about that extra year. I gained a lot of valuable information about myself.

1.Money
2. Job
3. Overall Environment.

But Money holds me back the most, because with money, the last two would be nill.

Quote from: Sarah_P on December 17, 2017, 01:51:45 PM
Fear. And a complete lack of anything resembling self esteem. I loathed myself utterly, especially for having my crossdressing urges (yet I still did it). I told myself I'd never be passable, I was too tall, too ugly, too deep a voice, etc....

Me too, add useless school qualifications, a dead end job which was easy money & fear of losing the few friends I had.10 years later I knew I had to go for it or die. Not by my own hand, I lacked the courage but in an accident while out of it on drink or drugs. I fell down the stairs through a glass door drunk, with a few minor cuts, knocked a radio into the bath, that sort of thing.