When you made the decision to go on hormones, did you still feel scared? Or not?
Were you scared of the unknown? Or that you wouldn't like the results after all?

Were you freaking out and thinking if you made the right decision?

When did this start to dissipate?

Or were you just comfortable right from the start,  ?

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As for me: Yes, I'm definitely scared. But not anymore that much, thanks to you guys here  ! But I'm still little scared of the idea that I might go bald (!!! NO!!!) or what if I don't like something after all... (like the feeling of growing facial hair, for example). Though my rational mind knows that I do want all the changes, especially the body shape ones. And everything, really  !

But I was very scared at first - funnily I'm not that scared anymore, though. 

More like after 4 years of therapy, it's about time. The actual though was "You mean all I have to do is ask for them? Why didn't I think of this before?"

QuoteWhen you made the decision to go on hormones, did you still feel scared? Or not?

I never felt scared. I was just concerned about whether they would have much effect, potential side effects etc. Once I learned enough about the transition process to know that HRT was recommended and essential to lower the voice, redistribute fat, feel comfortable etc. it seemed to me HRT was the primary essential ingredient to transition, rather than the surgery or any social transition per se. Then it didn't matter if I got scared; it would have to be done. Same with the surgery.

QuoteWere you scared of the unknown? Or that you wouldn't like the results after all?

The fact we all read about how "results may vary" and nobody quite knows what to expect in terms of speed of changes and amount of changes, I had a bit of trepidation; but as I say, it was pointless because HRT would have to be done. Regardless if my changes were big or small, I saw no other option and taking hormones "by halves" or is not recommended.

I wasn't sure how I was going to feel about some of the changes. Initially I wasn't liking the idea of some things, but over time this proved to be a non-issue. But at first I had more concerns than I do now, has to be said.

QuoteWere you freaking out and thinking if you made the right decision?

No. It's a big deal, definitely, I knew some changes are irreversible and in that sense once I got my T for the first time I took a day or so to think before taking it. I know I didn't have much of a choice though in my own heart.

QuoteWhen did this start to dissipate?

About 2-3 months in I had already become relaxed about all of it.

QuoteOr were you just comfortable right from the start

Mostly comfortable. It didn't keep me awake at night. I've made a habit of leaping into the unknown in life so it wasn't much of a deal in that sense, even if it was going to "change my life". Lots of things have done that before this. The main problem was that I was in a relationship and HRT I felt would hasten the end of that. If I had not been in a relationship I doubt I'd have hesitated. I wanted to see what it could do, whether it really could help repair a total mess like my life. I didn't expect much, in that I have been surprised in a good way.

No, I wasn't at all scared. I was 100% sure it's what I wanted to do. It was actually my brother who was nervous. Only because he was afraid I might change my mind later and the changes from hrt would be hard if not impossible to reverse. It seems silly he would think I would ever change my mind after growing up with me. But I think for him me starting hrt made it real for him. Even supportive family members can get nervous when physical changes start to take place.

I was never scared to start HRT.  I looked forward to it with eager anticipation.

The only parts of this journey that have scared me were coming out.  First to my wife, and then to my community.  The medical stuff, no problem, bring it on.

Not at all. I'd already socially transitioned and was living full-time. Picked up the prescription on the way to work,  had my first pill at my desk [emoji4],  quite a non-event for me.

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I mean I was nervous because of the risks that's about it. Otherwise I was excited because I want boobs and I always had a good butt so it would only get better right?

Now is a different story though!! When you all say get ready for the rollercoaster ride- you're really not joking I learned!

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I wasn't nervous or scared at all.  Went in with a clear mind and confidence.  I did though have a couple wtf moments in the first few months, due to a bit of the "am I really doing this."  Fleeting moments like that.  Haven't had one in months.

Not at all, I was eager to see if these mental changes people spoke of would take place.  Would I really come to realize my body should be female? Of course the mental shifts really only kicked in 5 months later, and I was feeling my boobs for itchy/soreness a half hour after taking the first pills, which made me think I had answered my own question.   

You don't face permanent effects from a couple of months of HRT, for MTFs anyway, so I wasn't alarmed about that.  Life threatening issues like DVT seem to be a thing of the past too, for a person in good health.

I was super excited when I got the point I knew I wanted them!

I had already done a few DIY courses of herbal hormones before I went to a real doctor for hrt.  Each DIY course I felt I was secretive and nervous.  I didn't want anybody to find out.  I just wanted to shrink and hide, but still I wanted the course.  Then after a while the urge left and I quit.  This time with hrt the trans beast broke me and I realized this condition is me.  I have no fear anymore of what I need and what I'm doing.  Dysphoria be damned, hrt is helping sooo much.  It feels warm, snug, and right.  Probably the only time I was nervous was at the doctors office that first day.  I was already doing DIY with prescription hormones then.  I knew this would be my life from then on.  After outlining all my history and issues to my doctor, she and I shed a few tears and I was given that prescription for hrt.  After that, no nervousness, I had come out to a medical professional and was deemed my condition was real.  Fear, and shame started to fade.  Sheesh I could go on describing that relief.  When I reported the next week for pellets, I was happy and calm.  I've been that way since.  I think just acceptance of yourself and having some support is what makes it less fearful and scary.  A few months later I have support from family, and friends, feels good.

Bari Jo

Quote from: PurpleWolf on December 22, 2017, 03:46:14 PM
When you made the decision to go on hormones, did you still feel scared? Or not?
Were you scared of the unknown? Or that you wouldn't like the results after all?

Were you freaking out and thinking if you made the right decision?

When did this start to dissipate?

Or were you just comfortable right from the start,  ?

---
As for me: Yes, I'm definitely scared. But not anymore that much, thanks to you guys here  ! But I'm still little scared of the idea that I might go bald (!!! NO!!!) or what if I don't like something after all... (like the feeling of growing facial hair, for example). Though my rational mind knows that I do want all the changes, especially the body shape ones. And everything, really  !

But I was very scared at first - funnily I'm not that scared anymore, though.

I was a bit scared, sure.  After all, everyone's afraid of the unknown.  But I did my research, so I knew what to expect.

I knew it was the right decision once my voice started to change, which started mere weeks after I started "gelling." [emoji4]  The other changes only reinforced my feeling.

After a year of gelling, the only thing I'm worried about now is male pattern baldness! [emoji6]

Ryuichi

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I was self dosing with herbals and doet before hrt anyway. The Doctor pretty much said "If I don't prescribe you'll do it yourself anywsy." so no,  starting hrt was a non event really. Since thevherbsls had started the process the effects (other than making it easier to plan mesls) don't seem all that different.

When I first began back in the 90's, I was apprehensive and anxious about if I was making the right choice...after a few months my questioning subsided and I knew I was ok.  Eventually I stopped as I had too much going on in my life at the time.

When I started again 20 years later, there was nary a thought when I explained to my doctor what I was going to do.  He referred me to my endocrinologist and I started that evening.

It is natural to question everything when starting on such a life altering path.  Part of that process is usually to question whether what we are doing is truly right for us.  I found having a therapist was essential for the few months while I acclimated, but then I was comfortable with the change and it just became "normal" to chemically be a woman.

Actually no. I had waited all my life but thought because of all my health issues it would never happen. Thanks to Dena and others it took only seconds to confirm when my Therapist asked if I wanted to go on E. What scares me is the hatred in the religious community.

I did my research, and I was totally fine with the physical effects and at peace with my decision to pursue them. But I have clinical anxiety and was very worried T would make it worse. After a couple months of my anxiety actually getting better on the days right after I injected, I figured I was safe.