So I came out to roommates (see other posts) and a few days later they asked about gender pronouns and naturally I said I preferred feminine. And they have yet done it still always misgender me if you are gonna bring it up please at least try. I am not that assertive until I crack and I am about to crack my roommates are gonna see a complete 180 by the end of the year.

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Quote from: Zquence on December 23, 2017, 05:24:42 PM
So I came out to roommates (see other posts) and a few days later they asked about gender pronouns and naturally I said I preferred feminine. And they have yet done it still always misgender me if you are gonna bring it up please at least try. I am not that assertive until I crack and I am about to crack my roommates are gonna see a complete 180 by the end of the year.

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It's been my experience that getting angry with people is the absolute worst thing you should do, sweetie. It just makes them dig their heels in even more.

Just ask to talk to them, nicely and politely, and explain the way you feel, and that you don't feel they've been respecting your wishes. And ask them if they would please start addressing you properly.

You can be assertive without being "grab the carving knife from the side" angry. Sometimes people wait for you to be angry to give them a reason to be a jerk. Don't give them the ammunition.

Quote from: Sephirah on December 23, 2017, 06:30:28 PM
It's been my experience that getting angry with people is the absolute worst thing you should do, sweetie. It just makes them dig their heels in even more.

Just ask to talk to them, nicely and politely, and explain the way you feel, and that you don't feel they've been respecting your wishes. And ask them if they would please start addressing you properly.

You can be assertive without being "grab the carving knife from the side" angry. Sometimes people wait for you to be angry to give them a reason to be a jerk. Don't give them the ammunition.

Ive been past grabbing a knife angry for a long time I am extremely calm until I lose my mind then I blow up. They are accepting it is just hard for me to speak up. I could be gently led to my grave and wont put up a fight but push my a little to hard or it takes to long the gloves are off. It is easy to take advantage of me but I keep track and when I blow I let everyone have it.

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Girlie you got to be patient with people!!!! I came out to people at work, family, and others in July. You will have some rebel to an extent, others that difficulty, and yet others that are perfect. You can't expect perfection from everyone initially. Give them time to adjust to the new reality that is you. Trust me I understand. I have a couple people at work call me the dead name. I have started just ignoring them but, again I am not biting their heads off. They then realize I respond when they call me by my name. My advice is don't take it personally even if you think they are doing it purposely we need to rise above ignorant attitudes. Should you address it after a few months yes!!! Bring it up or yes you will be run over. Patience is the key and understanding towards our cisgender friends!!!

I saw your other post that you support them by paying the rent? That's insane! They have it very good. Sorry that just caught my attention. You seem like a kind and giving woman but hope people don't take advantage. That will drive anyone to anger trust me.

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Quote from: Zquence on December 23, 2017, 06:37:59 PM

Ive been past grabbing a knife angry for a long time I am extremely calm until I lose my mind then I blow up. They are accepting it is just hard for me to speak up. I could be gently led to my grave and wont put up a fight but push my a little to hard or it takes to long the gloves are off. It is easy to take advantage of me but I keep track and when I blow I let everyone have it.

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Sweetie, maybe the emboldened part of your above post is the part you need to change. I don't know but I'm guessing things don't always work out like you hope when you finally lose it and the volcano blows.

I can relate to how you feel rather a lot. I rarely ever get angry. In fact I think there are only two people alive who have ever seen it. And I feel terrible because it scared them to death. 99% of the time I try to keep my composure, but sometimes things build up like a magma chamber in the soul. And then one day it just bubbles to the surface and then BOOM. Mount Sephirah erupts with fury and earthshaking magnitude. I have been described as a volcano beneath a glacier. And that's pretty accurate.

But it isn't a good way to be. Trust me. It really isn't. There are ways of releasing the pressure before it explodes outwards and flattens everyone in your path. Controlled ways. A lot of it is about self belief. Sometimes people don't believe they deserve their feelings and opinions to be heard and respected. I've been in that place a lot. A heck of a lot. When your self esteem is near rock bottom you don't think that you have the right to tell anyone else how to treat you, or that they should even listen to anything you have to say. So you don't say anything. And stuff starts to build.

The truth of it is that you're as valuable as anyone else in the world. And your feelings have as much right to be respected as anyone else's. Not only that... you have the right to express how you want to be treated, as an individual. You are beneath no one, okay? If someone asked you to treat them a certain way, would you do it? If so, why should it be different for anyone else?

It shouldn't. And it doesn't have to be.

I know it's a hard thing to change the way you approach life, sweetie. I've been dealing with the same thing myself for a long, long time. But it is worth the attempt. To take ownership of yourself and accept that you are valuable in this world. That you, and your feelings, do count. Okay? Have a think about it, okay? About releasing some of that pressure inside in a controlled way before it starts to get out of control.

I believe you can do it. And I believe it will be worth it. *hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on December 23, 2017, 06:52:43 PM
Sweetie, maybe the emboldened part of your above post is the part you need to change. I don't know but I'm guessing things don't always work out like you hope when you finally lose it and the volcano blows.

I can relate to how you feel rather a lot. I rarely ever get angry. In fact I think there are only two people alive who have ever seen it. And I feel terrible because it scared them to death. 99% of the time I try to keep my composure, but sometimes things build up like a magma chamber in the soul. And then one day it just bubbles to the surface and then BOOM. Mount Sephirah erupts with fury and earthshaking magnitude. I have been described as a volcano beneath a glacier. And that's pretty accurate.

But it isn't a good way to be. Trust me. It really isn't. There are ways of releasing the pressure before it explodes outwards and flattens everyone in your path. Controlled ways. A lot of it is about self belief. Sometimes people don't believe they deserve their feelings and opinions to be heard and respected. I've been in that place a lot. A heck of a lot. When your self esteem is near rock bottom you don't think that you have the right to tell anyone else how to treat you, or that they should even listen to anything you have to say. So you don't say anything. And stuff starts to build.

The truth of it is that you're as valuable as anyone else in the world. And your feelings have as much right to be respected as anyone else's. Not only that... you have the right to express how you want to be treated, as an individual. You are beneath no one, okay? If someone asked you to treat them a certain way, would you do it? If so, why should it be different for anyone else?

It shouldn't. And it doesn't have to be.

I know it's a hard thing to change the way you approach life, sweetie. I've been dealing with the same thing myself for a long, long time. But it is worth the attempt. To take ownership of yourself and accept that you are valuable in this world. That you, and your feelings, do count. Okay? Have a think about it, okay? About releasing some of that pressure inside in a controlled way before it starts to get out of control.

I believe you can do it. And I believe it will be worth it. *hugs*

Thank you, you made me feel special. I understand everything takes time and patients (I think that is the wrong one oops) but ughs they brought it up but what ever just keep my head down and move forward but I am tired of that i want to be fabulous but I am to shy I want people to see me as me but I cannot assert myself. Maybe one day idk am starting to ramble.

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Quote from: Zquence on December 23, 2017, 07:00:14 PM
Thank you, you made me feel special. I understand everything takes time and patients (I think that is the wrong one oops) but ughs they brought it up but what ever just keep my head down and move forward but I am tired of that i want to be fabulous but I am to shy I want people to see me as me but I cannot assert myself. Maybe one day idk am starting to ramble.

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You are special, hon. This is my point. No one should have to duck away and be afraid to say anything for fear of not being taken seriously, or just being brushed aside. No one.

You have as much right to be you in this world as anyone else does, okay? You do. You are valuable, and you have a lot to contribute to the world, and those around you. As well as to yourself. You really do. Who you are is precious. And should be allowed to be expressed to everyone around you, sweetie. You have a light inside you just waiting to shine.

I don't think it's that you can't assert yourself, hon. I think that either you're scared to, because you don't like conflict, or you don't know really how to because the only times you have are when you've been rocket fueled by emotion. I understand that, totally.

Don't worry about rambling, okay? Get it all out. Say what's on your mind. That's what we're here for. *hugs*

Let me ask you a question. What outcome do you see if you did as I suggested and just sat down with your room mates, calmly, and talked to them about how you were feeling? How do you see that going?

My first thought is how long did it take you to accept yourself as your chosen gender, and how long have you given the people around you? Because fair's fair, they might need awhile too. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Sephirah on December 23, 2017, 07:08:23 PM
You are special, hon. This is my point. No one should have to duck away and be afraid to say anything for fear of not being taken seriously, or just being brushed aside. No one.

You have as much right to be you in this world as anyone else does, okay? You do. You are valuable, and you have a lot to contribute to the world, and those around you. As well as to yourself. You really do. Who you are is precious. And should be allowed to be expressed to everyone around you, sweetie. You have a light inside you just waiting to shine.

I don't think it's that you can't assert yourself, hon. I think that either you're scared to, because you don't like conflict, or you don't know really how to because the only times you have are when you've been rocket fueled by emotion. I understand that, totally.

Don't worry about rambling, okay? Get it all out. Say what's on your mind. That's what we're here for. *hugs*

Let me ask you a question. What outcome do you see if you did as I suggested and just sat down with your room mates, calmly, and talked to them about how you were feeling? How do you see that going?

Ummm Im not sure, probably nothing because it would take work. Just got home said hey to a roommate and door closed -feeling down-

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