Searching questions for understanding, I am sorry if any of these have been asked before

Are there any questions I could/should ask myself that might help to better understand what I truly am?

but how long did it take you to accept who you are? 

How did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

Any suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

Quote from: Littlethings on December 24, 2017, 04:10:08 AM
but how long did it take you to accept who you are? 

61 years!  I wondered all my life.  Finally, at age 61, I joined Susan's and started to educate myself.  By 62, I was taking steps to transition.

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How did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

I didn't face a potentially hostile family, but I did wonder how much or little support I might get.  My wife was the most worrisome.  Not because I thought she would be hostile.  On the contrary, I had every reason to think she would be supportive.  But the risk remained that she might not want to stay with me.  I was not able to come out to her until I was clear in my own mind that, if she left me, I would accept that and move on.  At that point, I told her, and she is now my biggest supporter.

That is kind of my strategy: prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

I was pretty sure I would get support from my older brother, and I was right.  I was not so sure about my younger brother, so I postponed telling him until it was time to go full-time and tell the world.  We are not especially close, so my exit strategy was just to avoid further contact if it went badly.  As it turned out, he sent me a very lovely supportive letter.

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Any suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

I did not cope well with being in the closet.  Most of my life I was closeted even from myself.  Once I knew, though, the stress of being in the closet grew.  That pressure was what motivated me to stop procrastinating and tell my wife.  I remained closeted from the rest of the world only long enough to cover the logistics: getting into therapy, getting into a support group, getting my referral letter, starting HRT, and planning my coming out.  I could not come out fast enough, because I hated being in the closet so much.  It was 10 months from telling my wife to going full-time.

QuoteAre there any questions I could/should ask myself that might help to better understand what I truly am?

If you're questioning yourself, you're already on your way to understanding.

Quotebut how long did it take you to accept who you are?

I'm still working on that, admitting it was the first hard part. To accept you have to also accept how it's going to affect everything around you in your life. I'l let you know.

QuoteHow did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

My family is always hostile. Not in a bad way, if that makes sense. More like, no, not intolerance, I don't know. More, accept to your face and talk different when your not there. I am not talking about transgender, they don't know.

QuoteAny suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

I have not admitted to anyone outside to being transgender. At the same time, as I realize who I am, I embrace it. I am not trying to hide. Those that notice and care will ask me. So, I guess, I'm in the closet but the closet door is open?

I don't know if any of that helps, I stated for me as best that I could.

Quote from: Littlethings on December 24, 2017, 04:10:08 AM
Searching questions for understanding, I am sorry if any of these have been asked before

Are there any questions I could/should ask myself that might help to better understand what I truly am?

but how long did it take you to accept who you are? 

How did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

Any suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

First and foremost, you should absolutely respect and love and take good care of yourself. Not saying, you should ignore other people feelings or needs, but you should be honest with your desires, and choices and be comfortable with consequences of those choices. At least don't blame yourself, if something doesn't work and is not sustainable - go and try to change it.

If you decide to go public, think it through in advance. What would be the worst possible scenarios and would you be able to deal with them? You might want to test  your environment with little discussions (hey, I feel something makes me very depressed and want to talk to a psychologist - instead of - I am a transsexual and you need to accept it), or test your ability to function as a person of your desired gender by taking a vacation for a week (or a month) and just doing it full time away from home.

If you decide to stay in closet, you need to be honest about your reasons with yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself for doing it. Having some little retreat might help with stress built up. If it becomes totally intolerable, you can always go to gender specialist and talk it over.

Again, there is no right or wrong choices, just the choices that are less uncomfortable for you to bear.

QuoteAre there any questions I could/should ask myself that might help to better understand what I truly am?

What really helped me was looking at my future, and possible lives I could lead. Are there changes which you feel you can't have a future without making (such as changing pronouns, changing presentation, surgery)? Look into the changes you'd like to make, and the identities and people who also choose to do these things, and how well you think these labels fit you. Of course, being trans is a personal thing; no two trans people have had the same experience, and if in your heart you feel like you've found the right label for you, then there's nothing to question.

Quotebut how long did it take you to accept who you are?

I was 12 when I realised I was trans, and I told somebody about it two weeks after I realised. Realising and accepting are very personal things; no two people ever have the same experience. For me, it wasn't something I'd ever even considered, and I just thought I was a 'tomboy', until I met other people who felt the same way and realised that this was a thing that applied to me and that affected the way I feel about myself and my body.

QuoteHow did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

I didn't.
I came out very quickly, because it was something I didn't want to hide. My family disliked it, and said I couldn't be trans because I liked girly things as a kid, and I like makeup, and et cetera. Coming out shouldn't be an experience based on other people, but rather on whether or not you feel it is the right time to tell others. Of course, if you feel you'd be in immediate danger if you came out, then don't. It doesn't make your experiences as a trans person any less valid and commendable. Perhaps tell a trustworthy friend or two; it helps me a lot to confide in others.

QuoteAny suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

Try to indulge in items that make you feel a little less dysphoric! There's nothing that stand outs about buying little things like tinted lip balms, or getting your ears pierced, or buying the odd item of clothing that makes you feel good. Good luck, friend!

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Are there any questions I could/should ask myself that might help to better understand what I truly am?

This isn't something I feel like anyone other than you could really answer, as it's sort of a personal thing.  But to generalize a bit, ask yourself why you do the things you do, or why you feel the things you feel and actually allow yourself the time to explore those questions.  Don't shy away from them.  It can be hard, and it can be scary, and progress can sometimes be slow... but you have to be able to ask the questions.

Also, it sounds counter-intuitive, but allow yourself to explore your doubts as well.  If something makes you doubt what you're thinking, then take the time to explore that too.  The end goal is to find the answer that is right for you - and that is different for everyone.  It might be you identify differently, or it might be that your just curious, and there is nothing wrong with either or those answers.

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but how long did it take you to accept who you are? 

I'm... still working on it.  I've gotten pretty comfortable with accepting myself when I'm alone, but honestly, the thought of exposing all this to the world is definitely still a daunting prospect.  I've been actively exploring my gender identity for about two months now, but have struggled with all of this for a while.  I'm sure I've still got a bit to go.

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How did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

Again, I haven't come out to anyone I personally know yet.  I'm also lucky in the sense that I honestly don't care what most of my family thinks of me.  I have the luxury of being self-sufficient and it makes it all alot easier to deal with everything at my own pace.  That said, I know my sister and quite possibly my father are likely to never deal with me again if I ever tell them.  But, I'm sort of okay with that.  So I guess I don't have alot to offer on this.

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Any suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

Do what makes you comfortable.  There are lots of little things you can do that no one is likely to notice.  And alot of them, even if someone notices, it's easy enough to just say something like "I just felt like it."  or "it was an accident" or something like that.

I've found shaving my body hair helps.  You can probably do legs without anyone noticing - especially since it's winter and thus pants season.  Same with armpits and chest/stomach.  I do arms as well, and honestly, no one has ever noticed and/or asked me about it, so it's whatever.  Paint toenails if you want - just wear socks/shoes around other people.  Or do whatever other little things you can that make you feel a bit more comfortable.

Again, this is all a bit easier or harder depending on your personal situation.  But try out one or two things and see if they help and how the world reacts.  My experience is that most people don't notice the little stuff anyway.

Quote from: Littlethings on December 24, 2017, 04:10:08 AM
Searching questions for understanding, I am sorry if any of these have been asked before

Are there any questions I could/should ask myself that might help to better understand what I truly am?

but how long did it take you to accept who you are? 

How did you handle the consequences of coming out, especially to a potentially hostile family?

Any suggestions for coping methods for being in the closet?

Questions-
Who am i? Am i male female just feminine. Am i gay?! Would i be happyier if.....       if someone said well your just a man would you feel hurt because they just said something negative or called you a man?

How long
Im 35 and came out to myself about 6 weeks ago.... just taking it all in small steps as thinking about any possible end point and all the things that must come inbetween scares me.

Consiquesnces
Not at this stage yet but i thought i would play a little game with coming out to wife....and its still ongoing... how far can i go before she raises a question to me about it. Ie does she already know who i am before i did. 4 weeks ago epilated legs. 2 weeks chest and arms yesterday. Brought sports bras using her ebay account (she knew first) to wear every day....... no questions yet !! If i cant feel comftable raising the question myself well lets see if i dont have to be the one to ask it!

Coping methods
I started vaping but take it in small steps idenify what makes you most unhappy and tackle that. After thats done ask that question again and see where it leads you.

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