Hon, I'm mentally ill. I'm also trans. It's like a comorbidity - it's an intrinsic part of me, which means my world view is very different to someone who is cis, and in certain areas, I do respond psychologically as female. This complicates the unravelling of my mental quirks caused by my dysfunctional family over the years (at the moment we are looking at possible BPD or C-PTSD, with a side helping of trans and a possible seasoning of Stockholm syndrome as a result of parentification possibly with a slice of add just to spice things up..).
What this all means is that my perception of my gender, my gender and my assigned gender are not aligned, but my actual gender may not be completely as I perceive it because of the distortions in my perception due to my illness. But. I get dysphoria, socially when I need to be male (really struggling with that right now, whilst I'm less well), when I open my mouth (apparently I can sing, if only I wanted too, but to me it doesn't sound right), and my fundamental anatomy.
Throw on top the feeling of being an outsider, alien in a foreign land; you end up with self isolation, depression and anxiety. As my dear dysfunctional family insisted that folk like me were depraved, disgusting, unable to be tolerated or deserving recognition, and in a rural community, these feelings became internalised.
So I'm self negating. Hiding, running, from me, with no clear understanding of me, aside from fractured clues. Being trans has only made navigation of my mental health more complex, as it stokes my anxieties...
Rowan