Susan's Place Logo

News:

Based on internal web log processing I show 3,417,511 Users made 5,324,115 Visits Accounting for 199,729,420 pageviews and 8.954.49 TB of data transfer for 2017, all on a little over $2,000 per month.

Help support this website by Donating or Subscribing! (Updated)

Main Menu

Did you ever feel you were mentally ill for being trans?

Started by PurpleWolf, December 22, 2017, 04:21:54 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Jailyn

I never felt mentally ill! People have told me since coming out that I am mentally ill. I feel like jumping them cause we are not ill in the least!
  •  

Devlyn

I've been crazy a lot longer than I've been transgender!  :laugh:
  •  

Christy Lee

Quote from: dist123 on December 22, 2017, 07:11:20 PM

Yes!! I totally relate it's stubborness and I feel it's silly now. I so badly didn't want to be "weak" or whatever that means but I get my thinking now. It's hard being a girl! I feel vulernable I wanna run back to safety...

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

I havent tried being a girl yet, not like ft so idk, but i find it quite difficult being a guy and having to be the man in whatever... i havent even stopped to consider how hard it would be as a girl, ive always tried not show vulnerability i think its weak
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy
  •  

Lucy Ross

Great reply, Viktor.  You delineate the distinction between neurosis and true mental illness perfectly.

Gender therapists are trained to ferret out schizophrenics and sufferers from multiple personality disorder from those who simply have dysphoria.  The former will state with the firmest conviction that they became women trapped in men's body's yesterday, etc.  The latter may have a true female personality in their stable.  You'll know if you're one of these, or not, rather. 

I never had the slightest concerns about my overall sanity, but it was difficult to discover why my backstory failed to match the standard model for transsexuals, which has the person having an epiphany at a very young age, identifying strongly with their target gender, and desiring to take part in their activities and wear their clothes, etc, none of which pertained to me in my youth, until I took up crossdressing at 12; then these same persons go through life engaged in this massive struggle with their gender identity, until it can no longer be suppressed, which didn't fit my bill, either. 

It was only until I obtained the books True Selves and The Uninvited Dilemma, the latter long out-of-print, that I learned that it is possible to be dysphoric about one's gender and not realize it, the problem being folded into a whole other host of personal issues or aspects.  Other narratives I read here helped confirm what I was feeling, and my therapist assured me that this is a normal state of affairs.

Figuring out who you are gender wise is still sorely ad hoc.  I've read a whole bunch of posts here from people who think they are MTF but never wanted Barbies as children.

Few people know about my gender identity, when they do find out and they just can't handle it that's their problem, they're misinformed or strongly biased to the degree that we should just part company.  I've read so much on this I can answer any question they can come up with, and am just through with figuring out who I am.  Shame and embarrassment just aren't in me any more; I just find these feelings I have interesting.  What leads us to want to change our bodies in this way, why does it hold such a grip? 
1982-1985 Teenage Crossdresser!
2015-2017 Middle Aged Crossdresser!  Or...?
April 2017 Electrolysis Time  :icon_yikes:
July 12th, 2017 Started HRT  :icon_chick:
  •  

Kylo

Quote from: Lucy Ross on December 22, 2017, 10:15:51 PMWhat leads us to want to change our bodies in this way, why does it hold such a grip?

The grip it holds comes - I think - from the incessant reinforcement all around us at every moment of "the problem". I figured this out in life faster the more I came to understand just how different the sexes really are and just how deeply we're wired to respond to them differently. We can all distinguish between feminine and masculine characteristics usually instantly and with such precision we can often identify and respond appropriately to the gender of a voice in under a second, a silhouette from 100 yards from the way they look and move, etc. and we then tailor our responses permanently to a person based on this...

...and because people do, being trans is a never ending series of stressful reminders of our own dilemma that piles higher and higher with time, our every human interaction (including with ourselves) having to pass through the eye of it. We can't change the way we or anyone else is wired, and we can't change the way we respond to the genders instinctively, or the biological gender dynamic... in the end the only choice is between whether to change our characteristics and role to more easily exist, or to live out our lives in some way that accounts for/gives outlet for the problem. I guess this answers both questions for me, although I'm sure there are as many more specific reasons as there are people and situations...

Like you I find my own case interesting, and I'm curious to see what happens to it as transition progresses, and whether the disconnect there has always been between mind and body and self-image changes. It's as much a great discovery of the truth/fact in that sense as it was to discover whether the earth was round or flat, or to circumnavigate the globe for the first time... albeit on a personal level and more like a mapping of an internal world. 
"If the freedom of speech is taken away, then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter."
  •  

DawnOday

Not necessarily mentally ill. But I did feel less than acceptable and that caused depression and self loathing. In fact. loathing of just about everything and everybody.
Dawn Oday

It just feels right   :icon_hug: :icon_hug: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss: :icon_kiss:

If you have a a business or service that supports our community please submit for our Links Page.

First indication I was different- 1956 kindergarten
First crossdress - Asked mother to dress me in sisters costumes  Age 7
First revelation - 1982 to my present wife
First time telling the truth in therapy June 15, 2016
Start HRT Aug 2016
First public appearance 5/15/17



  •  

foreversarah

I've dealt a lot with depression and anxiety, but they were primarily due to the way I was treated at school and, more recently, at work regarding my health issues. At work, my anxiety cleared almost immediately once I was treated properly at work.

While neither were triggered by being trans I think being trans and having to deal with dysphoria at the same time made my mental health even worse.

Whether being trans is a mental health issue on it's own, I don't think so. It can cause depression and anxiety certainly, as I've had small anxiety attacks due to being trans - jealousy of cis women, hating my body etc. But it hasn't been as extreme as the two incidents I referred to above.

Ultimately, everyone's different so some are more resilient to dealing with being trans, and others not so. There's no shame if you are more vulnerable, mental health wise, to being trans. You're also no more or less trans if you are able to deal with the mental health aspect of being trans than others.
  •  

RobynD

Not mentally ill at all. My depression and anxiety predated transition. GD itself cause a good measure of this. Situational depression came later related to issues around family etc.


  •  

krobinson103

Short answer? No. Its something I've lived with for a very long time. If anything when I actually did domethinh sbout it, a massive sense of relief.
Every day is a totally awesome day
Every day provides opportunities and challenges
Every challenge leads to an opportunity
Every fear faced leads to one more strength
Every strength leads to greater success
Success leads to self esteem
Self Esteem leads to happiness.
Cherish every day.
  •  

Christy Lee

Quote from: foreversarah on December 23, 2017, 01:11:30 PM

Whether being trans is a mental health issue on it's own, I don't think so. It can cause depression and anxiety certainly, as I've had small anxiety attacks due to being trans - jealousy of cis women, hating my body etc. But it hasn't been as extreme as the two incidents I referred to above.


This is how i feel jealousy of cis woman, hating my body, sometimes i even dislike cis woman just because there woman, i hate what CIS woman expect of men sometimes, i feel why i can i be like that?  and i hate that about myself

Quote from: foreversarah on December 23, 2017, 01:11:30 PM
I've dealt a lot with depression and anxiety, but they were primarily due to the way I was treated at school and, more recently, at work regarding my health issues. At work, my anxiety cleared almost immediately once I was treated properly at work.


I also suffer from Anxiety and depression, unrelated to being Trans, but i think if i wasnt Trans perhaps my anxiety and depression wouldnt be so prominent in my life........

Quote from: foreversarah on December 23, 2017, 01:11:30 PM

Ultimately, everyone's different so some are more resilient to dealing with being trans, and others not so. There's no shame if you are more vulnerable, mental health wise, to being trans. You're also no more or less trans if you are able to deal with the mental health aspect of being trans than others.

I also think being trans and dealing with unrelated anxiety and depression, it can lead to you being more vulnerable to being trans, and i myself have been and am still afraid to deal with my issues, that ive locked them in a door at the back of mind, at this time however i feel like my Gender Disphoria is at the forefront and perhaps also responsible for my unrelated anxiety and depression
Whose that girll?
ITS CHRISTY

02/05/2018
Started Therapy
  •  

big kim

Yes as a kid I thought my future was dead jail or the loony bin. I didn't care which one, I didn't give a rat's ass about anything or anyone
  •  

Michelle_P

Well, I didn't know what I was growing up, other than not liking my assigned sex and wishing I were different.  I knew that if I expressed this I'd be punished.  I picked up from context, jokes, comedy skits, occasionally hearing of folks like Christine Jorgensen referred to as 'sick', that these thoughts I had were wrong.

I was caught at age 15 and sent round to psychologists.  This was back in 1968, when the DSM and the standards of care were a little bit different than now.  I was prescribed testosterone injections (I hadn't started puberty at age 15), and counseled by a religious authority. They taught me that I was mentally ill, and I was convinced that I needed to suppress this.  I managed to do that for about a decade, when the conditioning failed and the 'impure thoughts and sinful urges' returned. I kept that hidden another 30 years, although I tried to learn about my condition on my own.

So, yeah, I was trained and conditioned to believe that I was mentally ill and needed to be cured.
Earth my body, water my blood, air my breath and fire my spirit.

My personal transition path included medical changes.  The path others take may require no medical intervention, or different care.  We each find our own path. I provide these dates for the curious.
Electrolysis - Hours in The Chair: 238 (8.5 were preparing for GCS, five clearings); On estradiol patch June 2016; Full-time Oct 22, 2016; GCS Oct 20, 2017; FFS Aug 28, 2018; Stage 2 labiaplasty revision and BA Feb 26, 2019
Michelle's personal blog and biography
  •  

nightingale95

I knew what I was, but I was raised in a very conservative Christian household so I did not think that it was okay.

Now it just feels like a physical illness. There is something attached to me that I want fixed ASAP.
  •  

Bari Jo

Quote from: Michelle_P on December 23, 2017, 09:19:16 PM
So, yeah, I was trained and conditioned to believe that I was mentally ill and needed to be cured.

This is exactly how I feel, only I was trained and conditioned by society, not by doctors.  It is better with acceptance, but I still get this feeling often, and have to work through it each time.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
  •  

Jazmynne

I didn't ever think I was mentally ill but I did keep thinking to myself over and over for at least a year, how can I keep having these feelings of being female, especially at 60 years of age. I decided at the  time my hormones must be off, imagine that.     
  •  

Laurie

  When I was a kid, trying to figure out what was wrong with me, why I liked wearing girls clothes, playing with girls, and wished I was a girl. I discovered in books in the library, that I was a deviate and /or mentally ill. That fit right in with my sure knowledge that it was wrong and perverted. Add another 50 years of feeling like that and you may get an idea why I have trouble accepting myself. Having to take an antidepressant to keep from wanting to do myself in is another reason for me to question my sanity.
  I guess my answer would be yes.
April 13, 2019 switched to estradiol valerate
December 20, 2018    Referral sent to OHSU Dr Dugi  for vaginoplasty consult
December 10, 2018    Second Letter VA Psychiatric Practical nurse
November 15, 2018    First letter from VA therapist
May 11, 2018 I am Laurie Jeanette Wickwire
May   3, 2018 Submitted name change forms
Aug 26, 2017 another increase in estradiol
Jun  26, 2017 Last day in male attire That's full time I guess
May 20, 2017 doubled estradiol
May 18, 2017 started electrolysis
Dec   4, 2016 Started estradiol and spironolactone



  •  

Sno

Hon, I'm mentally ill. I'm also trans. It's like a comorbidity - it's an intrinsic part of me, which means my world view is very different to someone who is cis, and in certain areas, I do respond psychologically as female. This complicates the unravelling of my mental quirks caused by my dysfunctional family over the years (at the moment we are looking at possible BPD or C-PTSD, with a side helping of trans and a possible seasoning of Stockholm syndrome as a result of parentification possibly with a slice of add just to spice things up..).

What this all means is that my perception of my gender, my gender and my assigned gender are  not aligned, but my actual gender may not be completely as I perceive it because of the distortions in my perception due to my illness. But. I get dysphoria, socially when I need to be male (really struggling with that right now, whilst I'm less well), when I open my mouth (apparently I can sing, if only I wanted too, but to me it doesn't sound right), and my fundamental anatomy.

Throw on top the feeling of being an outsider, alien in a foreign land; you end up with self isolation, depression and anxiety. As my dear dysfunctional family insisted that folk like me were depraved, disgusting, unable to be tolerated or deserving recognition, and in a rural community, these feelings became internalised.

So I'm self negating. Hiding, running, from me, with no clear understanding of me, aside from fractured clues. Being trans has only made navigation of my mental health more complex, as it stokes my anxieties...

Rowan
  •  

AquaWhatever

What's so bad about having a mental illness?  Most of us had depression which is mental illness.
I have OCD which is also a mental illness.
I'm not ashamed on the slightest.

I don't think I ever thought of it exactly as one, but it would make sense to me if it were.
  •  

Allison S

Quote from: AquaWhatever on January 01, 2018, 07:40:32 PM
What's so bad about having a mental illness?  Most of us had depression which is mental illness.
I have OCD which is also a mental illness.
I'm not ashamed on the slightest.

I don't think I ever thought of it exactly as one, but it would make sense to me if it were.
Yeah I have depression and anxiety so it sucks. I think being trans adds to it because it's so stressful. Also my terrible living situation and job that doesn't pay much for me to find a decent place to live in nyc. Sometimes I think about ending it.. it's very painful

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

  •  

Sephirah

In all honesty no, it was more the other way around. Before coming to terms with who I was... that was the time I felt mentally ill. Often literally. Realising the truth actually felt more like a cure to a lot of what I was feeling. An answer to many of the questions I had about myself, and why I felt the way I did.

I suppose it helped that I have never really been someone who has trusted what my body tells me more than my mind. Before coming to terms with who I am, and even after, my physical characteristics contributed a much smaller amount to my sense of self than my mental characteristics. I have always tended to live more inside my own head, I suppose. Always felt a sort of detachment to the... well... to use a Fallout term, the "skinvelope". Whether that's a good thing or not, who can say. But it always felt to me like having the wrong filter applied to my interactions with the world, and the world's interactions with me.

What made me mentally unwell was trying to figure out why it felt like I was wearing a costume and being unable to find the zipper to undo it and take it off. It was the cause of a great deal of anguish and pain. Feeling stuck, and forced to see the world through someone else's eyes. Realising, and accepting the truth of who I am was like finally gaining a measure of freedom. And in that, a lot of the mental consternation went away as I finally had a reason. Even if, at the time, I wasn't sure of the solution.

Many people in my life since have told me I'm crazy, and a lot worse. That I'm mentally deficient, insane, confused, flat out lying... a whole litany of other stuff. But I never really let that bother me, because I spent far more time looking looking at and examining myself than anyone else ever has, or will. So I don't give as much weight to their opinions as they would probably want me to. :)
Natura nihil frustra facit.

"You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection." ~ Buddha.

If you're dealing with self esteem issues, maybe click here. There may be something you find useful. :)
Above all... remember: you are beautiful, you are valuable, and you have a shining spark of magnificence within you. Don't let anyone take that from you. Embrace who you are. <3
  •