Recently I get to know a man from Facebook, we both wishes to get together soon, how should I confessed to him that I'm a pre-op using words in a romantic way, any sisters here have good suggestion?

In all honesty, I can't think of a romantic way to tell him, unless he is interested in your penis. Try just telling him the truth. If he accepts you for it, then all is wonderful with the world. If he rejects you for it, you saved yourself from a disaster waiting to happen. It's not like you and he will have a serious relationship without his awareness of your situation. You may even have an opportunity to teach him about trans issues with your own first hand experience.

A straight man does not really have issue with a beautiful transwoman with her penis, neither he liked her penis specially, but accept it as part of her. Only a bio male may possibly like her penis. What concerned me is how to fit in the topic as part of the love confession, with suitable words. I do not view this as something to be proud of, but is part of the pain of growing up, which he should be aware (that I'm the one suffering the pain) and should have empathy for if he loved me, and not that he has the reason to reject me as though it is my fault (for transitioning). At least if he can't accept he doesn't have reason to view it as my fault but have strong empathy for me, and regret the fact that he didn't truly love me enough to be able to accept me for what I am. I want the words that is able to generate that understanding and feelings of something like: 

"It is only for the love of man like you that is the reason I have became a woman."
"I want to be the beautiful woman for man like you, you are the man of my dream, you are the reason I have became a woman."
"Man like you is the reason I have lived for, you are the reason I have became a woman."

I am looking for more good example of sentences like this to break the ice romantically to finally said the truth to him by adding something like:

"I am not a true woman but because you are the man I loved, I want to be the true and better woman in your life".

I try to avoid using the medical terms for pre-op, transwoman and so on, as these will be having opposite effect to those romantic feelings generated from the sweet and loving words.

Quote from: Jacelyn on December 26, 2017, 12:26:01 AM
I am looking for more good example of sentences like this to break the ice romantically to finally said the truth to him by adding something like:

"I am not a true woman but because you are the man I loved, I want to be the true and better woman in your life".

You think something beginning with "I am not a true woman" is going to do any good?

You are a true woman, and if you don't believe it then no man ever will.

Also, the 'romantic' sentiment that you "became a woman for men like him" is a little messed up. You didn't become a woman, you always were a woman. You transitioned so that you could be at peace with yourself and live authentically, I hope. Sorry, but saying you transitioned for men sounds a little bit sick.

I've seen your opinion on sexual reassignment surgery. You seemed awfully confident about why you don't want it and why you're so against it, to the point of offending others.

It's curious that you're struggling to find a way to tell a man the same thing.

Quote from: Lady Sarah on December 25, 2017, 09:44:44 PM
In all honesty, I can't think of a romantic way to tell him, unless he is interested in your penis. Try just telling him the truth. If he accepts you for it, then all is wonderful with the world. If he rejects you for it, you saved yourself from a disaster waiting to happen. It's not like you and he will have a serious relationship without his awareness of your situation. You may even have an opportunity to teach him about trans issues with your own first hand experience.

Sarah is right. For me if someone really cares for you and loves you then they accept you for whomever you are and whatever things may be wrong with you. You should just tell him honestly don't try to pretty it up or candy coat it. Most that we tell won't, they will have ask straightforward questions like "So this means you have what, a penis?" They will ask straight up because they want to understand.

Quote from: Ellement_of_Freedom on December 26, 2017, 06:12:04 AM
You think something beginning with "I am not a true woman" is going to do any good?

You are a true woman, and if you don't believe it then no man ever will.

Also, the 'romantic' sentiment that you "became a woman for men like him" is a little messed up. You didn't become a woman, you always were a woman. You transitioned so that you could be at peace with yourself and live authentically, I hope. Sorry, but saying you transitioned for men sounds a little bit sick.

I've seen your opinion on sexual reassignment surgery. You seemed awfully confident about why you don't want it and why you're so against it, to the point of offending others.

It's curious that you're struggling to find a way to tell a man the same thing.

I considered myself a woman in form and intelligence but not a nature woman, by saying I'm not a true woman here refer to the fact I am not a nature woman, that's why I add that I want to be a true and a better woman for him in term of my aspiration in the spirit of love. On issue of SRS, I justified my point here that if I had that surgery, I am not free from having to confess to him the same thing and if he accept me, he is doing totally in the spirit of love, not the fact that I had an SRS, and he may not like me to have that surgery because by then I would be less sensitive down there, and there will be scars and imperfections, etc.

Once you fall in love with a man, and he has become important part of you, you will be thankful that you had became a woman, and that is what I mean "you are the reason that I became a woman", because at that moment, he is really the only reason in your mind. Previously you may be motivated to become a woman by other factors, but when the man you loved and who also loved you came into your life, he is the true and final reason of your womanhood.

Quote from: Jailyn on December 26, 2017, 07:25:46 AM
Sarah is right. For me if someone really cares for you and loves you then they accept you for whomever you are and whatever things may be wrong with you. You should just tell him honestly don't try to pretty it up or candy coat it. Most that we tell won't, they will have ask straightforward questions like "So this means you have what, a penis?" They will ask straight up because they want to understand.

Depend on the man, a man with good manner, who is sensitive and respectful toward the woman will maintain the flow of the romantic tone, he will not ask the specific because he understands. My target is such a man.

Telling a guy you like you're trans is hard no matter how you do it. First of all NEVER say you aren't a true woman, not to anyone. It's hard to get a CIS person to consider us a
"Real" woman. If you say you're not a true woman they will never consider you "real". Saying that tells someone that you don't even consider yourself a real woman so why should they. You're just as much a true woman as any CIS woman is.

As for telling your guy friend, I can only share my own experiences with it. I've only told a CIS guy I'm trans twice. The first time was a guy named David. Both times I've had the
"I'm trans" conversation I made sure we were in a public place, that way if he has a bad reaction he's less likely to assault you in a public place. David didn't get violent but his reaction was bad. He said " sorry, I'm not into dudes". He also told me it wasn't cool to deceive straight guys and I needed to be careful. Then he told me I was lucky he was a nice guy and that I could just as easily have gotten my ass beaten. Actually being rejected by him didn't bother me that much. After he said all that to me it was clear he was a huge ->-bleeped-<- and would have made a lousy boyfriend.

With my current boyfriend I told him on our third date. I told him I really liked him and that I thought he needed to know I was trans. He wasnt immediately accepting at all. He didn't say anything mean about it but he said he needed to think about it. I was sure that's the last I would see of him. But a week later he called me and wanted to talk. He told me he was ok with me being trans as long as I was planning on having surgery fairly soon. He said he wanted to date me but he had one condition he hoped I would be ok with. He told me he never wanted to touch or mess with my boyparts and that he would prefer never to even see them. That was fine with me because my boy parts have always been off limits and I would never want anyone messing with "it".

It's hard to say how a guy is going to react. It's unpredictable.  Just make sure your safe from possibly being assaulted and just be honest. If he rejects you and says something nasty then he's showing you that he's an ignorant Dick you wouldn't want as a boyfriend.

Quote from: Julia1996 on December 26, 2017, 07:55:49 AM
Telling a guy you like you're trans is hard no matter how you do it. First of all NEVER say you aren't a true woman, not to anyone. It's hard to get a CIS person to consider us a
"Real" woman. If you say you're not a true woman they will never consider you "real". Saying that tells someone that you don't even consider yourself a real woman so why should they. You're just as much a true woman as any CIS woman is.

Instead of saying I'm a trans, I am saying I'm not a true woman, it is another way of stating that I'm a trans. I will not say I'm not a true woman to anyone else but my bf during the moment of my confession with him, and after that no more. Anyone can see my Facebook how I introduce my self as a woman literally.

I do not use I'm a trans. in a romantic sentence, it is not appropriate for the mood, but saying I am not a true woman, carry an inferiority complex already which I want him to be aware, that it effects me emotionally, if he is sensitive and caring he knows not to hurt my self esteem further, if he cannot be aware of that, he is not worth it. Saying I'm a trans. instead carry no such meaning of inferiority complex but a message that "I'm proud to be a trans", this invite challenge from him to hurt your feeling.

Another example:

"I wish I could be the true woman for you, I wanted what you said in those words, my heart is in pain for knowing I can only have these in my dream, this is the reason of my tears." (actually crying with tears)

If a man want to hurt the woman who said this with the insult as you have stated, then he has clearly no true love for her, nor any sense of kindness and she can forget him immediately. But a man who love her, find this as the opportunity to express true love by the comforting gesture, and what is supposed to be a rejection due to his prejudice toward transwoman may evaporize due to a situation of a true woman (in spirit) is expressing her vulnerability.

Just out of pure curiosity, is "true woman" a culture specific terminology or your own word choice?

Quote from: Roll on December 26, 2017, 09:36:42 AM
Just out of pure curiosity, is "true woman" a culture specific terminology or your own word choice?

My own choice, I do not mean this to be a fixed choice, if I can find a better alternative that is not associated with any medical terms. my next alternative is 'real woman', if he failed to read the meaning of 'true woman'.

Quote from: Jacelyn on December 26, 2017, 10:18:57 AM
My own choice, I do not mean this to be a fixed choice, if I can find a better alternative that is not associated with any medical terms. my next alternative is 'real woman', if he failed to read the meaning of 'true woman'.

Okay, so it doesn't have any meaning beyond the literal then is what I was wondering. What about instead of using words like true or real, you said something more along the lines of "I wasn't born physically a woman". That way you aren't labeling the you of today as anything short of a woman, but at the same time say what you are trying to?

You could say " I'm not a genetic woman".

Thank you both, I think these are good alternatives that I will consider.

Quote from: Jacelyn on December 26, 2017, 07:44:21 AM
he may not like me to have that surgery because by then I would be less sensitive down there, and there will be scars and imperfections, etc.

I don't think that's entirely accurate but good luck.

Jacelyn because it seems clear that English isn't your native language, it's a bit hard to read nuances in your descriptions, so let me ask some questions.

Do you have reason to believe this man will be flexible about you having a gender non-conforming body? I've interpreted you to say a man who loves you truly won't care.

Have you exchanged photos? If your profile image is you, you pass really well.

Are you going to be ok if he rejects you? I'm simply concerned for you :-/

Do you have a time frame for when the revelation has to happen?



Even without your answers, here's how I might approach it:

"I love you deeply and think you care for me as well, I need you to know that I wasn't born female. I hope you can still care for me as I love you with all my heart."

Now I'd also say that I plan to become physically female and mention that that will take time, however you mentioned not wanting to use any clinical language so that may be off limits.

To Ellement_of_Freedom, thanks for your good wishes.

To SadieBlake:

He is a traditional man and I have no clue of what his reaction would be. The reason I have waited after the relationship has developed is to hope that the love that he has for me would enable him to accept me over his prejudice for transwoman (if any).

Yes, we have exchanged photos. The profile image is me, thanks for the positive opinion on my passability.

If he reject me I would be emotionally affected, probably last for weeks with depression. Thanks for your concerned for me.

Last night was the time I said the sentence as stated in my last example, he didn't grasp the real meaning. So today I was thinking about the two suggestions being given to me by two sisters on this forum. Since today he ask me why I am so cold today and wonder what's happening, so I said I was thinking about telling him a truth about me but was worrying about his reaction, so he ask me to say it, so I told him I was not a genetic woman, but he said I was confusing him, so I said I was not physically born a woman, and he finally grasped the meaning. Later he tell me that he still love me, words can't describe how much these words mean to me.

I like your suggested sentence, I would have try it if you tell me earlier. Thanks...

Glad to hear things went well for you. How long have you known each other?

I hope someday I can pass well enough that this would even be an issue in the first place.. I know when that time comes it'll be difficult

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Quote from: dist123 on December 27, 2017, 11:31:57 AM
Glad to hear things went well for you. How long have you known each other?

Thanks. We know each other not long (this month only), he found me in facebook and I liked him, he already treated me as a wife, and I treated him as a hubby too and address him as such.

Since the day of my being a woman, I have been lonely. I never had any man in my life, but I know my heart is calling for him every night in prayers, and I believe he is the man that I have being calling for in prayers.