For months Ive had questioning if I am transgender.......I know my whole life I have not ever really had suppressed guy feelings. I know I have always been a tom boy and been more into nerdy stuff like anime, Disney, etc. I do like wearing sweaters and makeup...and I have never wished for a penis or no boobs. I have never wished to be renamed to something else except maybe a different name to find my name at a gift shop. These last few months have been so hard....Because up until these last few months.....I never felt depressed about my gender.....although I have asked my parents if its weird that I am not as girly as my sister....other than that.......as far as I know I have not asked or wanted to be a guy....I have felt comfortable in my own skin.....but now all my brain thinks is I am "a guy" and not a girl....I mean yeah I have felt self conscious about my body but that has been through looks etc. Not that its a girls body.....My question is......how did any FTM know they were or are guys? If you would like to share! <3

If people hate me for asking.....I am sorry..

If anyone hates me for asking I am sorry....

Hey, there is nothing wrong in asking whatsoever!

I have to admit as a MtF I knew from an early age but I also know everyone is different

I don't think anybody can know 100%. When you look down and see a body that doesn't match what you feel, it introduces doubt. When I decided on treatment I determined that I felt the doubt was much less than the feeling I was a woman so treatment was my only option. If you decide on treatment, it will not be because you are 100% sure but because your doubt is small.

I haven't got a clue if I'm Transgender or not. I suffered for many years with the symptoms often labelled as Gender Dysphoria. After changing gender roles and living full-time,  this has very largely resolved my Dysphoria. My HRT has made great positive mental changes to me.

I was assigned male at birth,  and now live full-time as a woman. If this makes me Transgender by some people's definitions,  then I am, but that's just a label; do what you need to to feel right and happy in yourself,  try not to label it. X

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I was a nervous wreck during my first appointment when I asked to start HRT. At my follow-up four months later I smiled through the entire appointment. I was calm and happy to be there. My happiness was contagious, as my doctor began smiling as soon as she entered the room. I think we both knew then that this is the right path for me.

I knew when I realized that 1/2 of the population mad me: jealous, envious, mad, pissed off. Why them and not me?

I've been Denise for 10 months and I haven't looked back.  I look forward to each day and being able to walk down the street not "wishing" as I pass any woman.  Do I miss my old self? No, well maybe the slightest bit when I'm standing in line in the ladies room. 

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The only things in life that you can be 100% sure of are death and taxes.

I was more than 90% sure when I started this journey a couple of years ago.  Starting RLE, I was about 98% sure.  The convincer was my first experiences living as a woman.  I was so calm, so happy, I felt so right that I knew this was the right path.

You can only be 100% sure of anything when you look back at the past.  The future (other than said death and taxes) is always less than 100%.  So create some past for yourself to look back at.  Get out there as the person you know yourself to be, just for a while, and see how it feels.

My most convincing experience was half a day that I spent in the city (where no one knew me) waiting for an appointment.  I was dressed as Kathy, and I spent the time wandering around the city centre, window shopping, talking to clerks, enjoying an espresso in a coffee shop.  I had been to a safe nightclub the night before with some of my trans friends.  It was all wonderful!  I felt free and alive.  No one gave me any hassles, no one stared.  I even talked to a store clerk about being trans: my dead name had come up on the screen when I used my card, so I made a joke about how I guess it was time to update my information.  It was all good.

I went back to playing male for a few more weeks after that, but it gave me something to look back at and be 100% sure that this was the right path for me.

I think the only thing we know for sure is what we need to do at any given time, to enable us to not hurt. To not feel awkward and uncomfortable. And that's different for different people. Steps we can take to make life bearable, and maybe even enjoyable. I'm not so sure it's based as much on knowledge, as it is on intimate feelings about oneself. A kind of self awareness that is somewhat removed from what someone "knows".

For some people that is a rock solid, unshakable, unquestioning belief in who they are. Something which doesn't change and only strengthens as time goes on. For others that is a fluidity which may change on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. As I say, it's different for different people. No less genuine, and no less demanding of attention or action. But I have heard from a lot of people, and 99% of what they say begins with "I feel like", not "I know...". I don't think we can ever truly know. But we can, and do, feel. It's the main way for our inner selves to communicate with our outer selves. And in a lot of ways is more important than knowledge.

I would say go with your feelings, and your intuition. The language of the subconscious.

I don't know if im sure im still scared. But so far I'm liking the changes! Just knowing my body is becoming more feminine gives me relief. Knowing that hrt is what I'm doing to help myself in this life feels like a huge weight's been lifted..

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I havent always known %100 i mean ive known 100% that something was wrong i wasnt like the average male, but i dont exactly fit the typical trans path fom as a kid, its just theres this inner nagging voice, telling me i should have been born female, why arent you a woman? should i transition? this voice has always been there, but i have always ignored it, its always been more about Social expectations that come with being a guy for me more than body disphoria, i just HATE the idea of being a man... OMG

Although recently ive had some experience with MTF subliminals there are ones that lower T and raise E etc, or the MTF ones,  havent noticed too much change, except for the sensation ie touch, feeling, its like a euphoric calm that ive never felt before really.... and i had no idea just how awkward i felt in my own skin, i love how it makes me feel and next year i think may have decided to start transitioning, ive found a gender therapist/sexologist nearby that im going to start seeing in the new year, not only for that but other things as well

I know because I have a history of 3+ decades of problems with being referred to as female (never could bring myself to accept it), problems using female anatomy and dissociating from a female body, problems relating personally to females, problems when others expect female behavior, appearance and habits from me and don't get them, etc. 

When I take male hormones, am referred to as male, start looking more male through HRT and surgery etc. and these problems suddenly seem to resolve themselves completely and I feel good and at peace, I think it's safe to say it was the right "guess".

All there is to go on is whether or not something feels bad or good, and perhaps even more importantly, for how long.

Every day of my life since as long as I can remember I have thought about being a woman and when I wasn't actively thinking about being one, it was bubbling away in the background. I also wasn't sure until I started to look at my life in the context of being trans...all my major life decisions were driven by my search for some kind of answer. I didn't always know it but upon reflection  I can see it easily now...the one thing that really sticks out as obvious(now), is that cis males don't usually even think about their gender where as I could not stop thinking about it...ever.....I still would not believe it until I saw a  therapist...she guided me to arrive at the "diagnosis" myself which in reality was me learning to finally accept that I was Transsexual and always have been....there is no certain criteria but I found myself looking for it, kind of like a check list...

BJ, I'm sort of the mirror of your situation.  I've been pondering the same question, only I was born male.  I started really exploring all of this about two months ago, and it has been hard.  When I first decided to face this, I felt scared, and confused, and sort of like something might be wrong with me.  But over time, I've been able to calm a lot of my fears and learn to feel a bit better about myself.

There are two things that helped me out, so I'll share them with you in case they might help as well.  First was understanding that being transgender does not necessarily mean being transsexual - i.e. actually transitioning.  We as a society like to treat gender as a binary thing, but if you think of it more as a sliding scale between male and female, things become easier to grasp.  Just because you're a tomboy doesn't mean you want to be male.  Maybe you just don't like the typical female archetype.  And that's fine.  Maybe you were born female, but you just have a more masculine personality.  Also fine.  Maybe he just like male clothes and activities more.  And that is fine too.  Or maybe you were born female and what you need is to transition.  All of these are fine, and all of these are 'transgender'.  If you think of it more as a scale like this, it makes everything a little less scary to explore.  You're not trying to find out if you want to become male - you're just trying to figure out how uncomfortable you are with being female and/or how comfortable you are being male.  Not everyone who is transgender necessarily needs or wants to transition, either.  So don't feel like you have to.  Do what's right for you.

Secondly, if you can, try and find a gender therapist.  This honestly has helped me so much.  They will give you a safe place to talk about all of these feelings and thoughts and allow you a chance to talk to someone who has some idea what you might be going through.  They're not going to tell you what you are, but they'll ask the probing questions that help you figure it out.

Honestly, I still don't know what the heck I am or how I want to identify.  It still troubles me sometimes, and I still doubt myself both as a male and a female alot.  But I feel alot better about myself because of these two things.  So... hopefully they help you too.

I don't know about FTM, but as a MTF my indication came when I was very young I realized I always related to the female actresses in movies. I can't really remember ever putting myself in the shoes of a male actor. When ever I would look in the mirror I always felt like a stranger was looking back. These are just a few things I don't know if it will help or not but I hope you figure things out.
ScarletRed


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I knew from start that I'm a guy. I put up a fight as a toddler when mom tried to put cute girly cloths on me.

But it took me 40 years to admit to myself that I am a guy. It was so simple until puberty. Chest started growing and it ruined my self image completely and crumbled my self confidence.

Tried to dress girly but felt like a crossdresser not doing a good job.


Tony

I've found reading all of your comments very helpful and insightful.  I don't think that I really accepted that I was transgender until I was divorced and living alone in a new city and actually had time to process my feelings. 
That was eleven years ago and I've made a lot of personal progress to become who I truly am.  Prior to that my feminine personality was always there but I was masterful in repressing them by making "macho" life decisions and career choices.  I believe that for many of us life has a way of interfering with who we truly are.

I am sorry if I have offended anyone......it just has been frustrating for me because before my mind decided to ask the question if I am transgender.......I was very comfortable with who I was.....I had no issues being female...but now its like  my mind will not let it go despite not ever wanting to be represented as male....yes I am a tomboy....and I have grown use to that......but I still would enjoy going shopping for clothes etc. I do love nerdy things like anime, video games, etc. But I still like dressing up girly for dates....The things I have felt self conscious are my boob size, acne when I had it, my weight....etc.

I'm not sure it's necessary to decide whether you are "really" trans.

The relevant question is: what makes you most comfortable?  What do you feel like doing?  How do you feel like presenting?  Do you feel more "you" if you say you're male?  Female?  Some mix of the two?  Or maybe somewhere in between?

And it's not a single choice.  It's mix-and-match from a very long list of choices.  There are AFAB people who feel like they're really male, but like pretty skirts and make-up.  There are people who feel like presenting male one day and female the next ("gender fluid".)  Prom dresses and beards.  You name it, there are people out there rocking it.  If you would be happiest as a woman with no breasts or otherwise looking more androgynous, go for it.

There's no logic or thinking or argument or test to resolve if you're "really" trans, or what kind of trans.  The only real "proof" is if you transition to whatever you think will feel best in whatever way you think best, and you feel happier and more at home in your skin.

P.S.: if anyone is offended by your question, IMHO they should just get over themselves.  (I have a somewhat earthier image in mind, but I don't think it would be allowed here )

I always thought I was a cross dresser and by definition of others a pervert. So I kept it private. What convinced me that I was more than a cross dresser was when I learned I had purposely let my first marriage to the love of my life collapse. Then I learned it was determined in utero that I would be having confusion as my body was created male and my brain developed under the influence of massive doses of female hormones. Lastly once I found this website and realized I was not alone after all. It's made all the difference in the world. I'm still not comfortable presenting in public except at my support group meetings and therapy visits, but I am getting more comfortable all the time. If I lived downtown, I would probably present more often, but alas I live in the burbs where tolerance is not as strong.