Sweetie, that's natural. The more we hope for something, the more we're afraid something will happen to screw it all up. I've been there more often than I care to remember.
I'm not going to tell you not to worry, because I know that won't do any good. You're going to, no matter what I say haha. But I will share with you a little trick I've learned. And it goes along the lines of "If you can't make it, fake it."
It basically goes like this: Start to plan in your mind the things you're going to do when everything goes perfectly. The next steps you're going to take, the plans you envision for down the road. The things you're going to do once you've gotten the go ahead. Think about how happy you're going to be and what you're going to say when you can't wait to tell people.
I've found that is far more productive than worrying over something you have no control over. You won't know for sure until you get there, so there's nothing you can do about it, you know? Not right now. Whatever happens you can deal with it, but there's no sense in tying yourself in knots over something that may, and by the sounds of it won't happen. So put it out of your mind.
You have no idea the amount of times I've been worrying myself to death over something. To the point where I would lay awake all night thinking about it. And making myself feel just awful. Only for it to happen and turn out way, WAY better than I thought it would. And then I'm like "Okay, why on earth did you spend all that time, and sleepless nights getting yourself so worked up? If you knew then what you know now, you wouldn't have."
As hard as it is, sweetie, having a positive attitude about something is way less stressful leading up to it. I don't know whether I believe in stuff about wanting something hard enough that you get it... but it certainly doesn't hurt. It's super hard to do, I know. Especially if it's something you're pinning all your hopes on. But you
can do it. Just think of your life beyond that point, as I say. When everything goes right.
