Quote from: Julia1996 on December 21, 2017, 08:13:02 AM
Wait until your nipples get sore. That happened to me within 2 weeks of starting hrt. I was glad because it meant my boobs were growing but was also very annoying. At one point it hurt to sleep on my side. Then there's when you pick up something large and it presses against your chest. OUCH!

I still remember a month in when I picked up a pile of cardboard, and supported it by holding it to my chest. Needless to say, the cardboard was swiftly dropped. Ouch is right!

Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)

Quote from: Roll on December 21, 2017, 09:37:55 AM
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)

It's a mixed blessing. When my kids are climbing all over me, my poor boobs take a beating!

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Quote from: Megan. on December 21, 2017, 09:44:09 AM
It's a mixed blessing. When my kids are climbing all over me, my poor boobs take a beating!

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I know exactly what you mean. I don't have children crawling on me but my dog likes to literally walk up my body if I'm laying down. A couple of times she's stood right on my breast. Ouch doesn't cover it! My brother used to like to come up behind me and do a headlock on me. He wasn't rough or anything, it was his typical guy way of playing. Once when he did that he ended up with his arm across my boobs. Well, at that time they were more like bumps. That hurt! I milked that for like 3 days. I told Tyler I couldn't do housework because I was too sore and that he was going to have to do it for me until the injury HE caused was better. It totally worked! For like three days I had him doing all kinds of things for me. Lol

Quote from: Roll on December 21, 2017, 09:37:55 AM
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)

I've yet to find it getting old.  I smile every time:)

Bari Jo

I've bumped into doors and things it's like a sharp pain. Very tender nips we have! [emoji23]

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Quote from: Roll on December 21, 2017, 09:37:55 AM
Going to be honest, that sounds wonderful. (Though I'm sure it will get old and irritating quickly.)

It does prompt a combination of a smile & a grimace.

my chest didn't get sensitive until a few months into hrt! I started in July but I didn't really feel breast development until late October or early November I think, I can't exactly remember, but I'm definitely feeling it now! I'm feeling it even more since I got my dose increased last friday! I can't jog without a bra now, and it hurts when my friends give me hugs (I'll still never turn down a hug though!), and yeah, I do hit em a few times a night while I reposition myself when I'm sleeping, that hurts a little lol. none of this bothers me though

My chest very rarely "ached".  Started just around the end of week one/beginning week 2.  Sure they got sensitive and we're painful to touch but mostly it was an avoidable thing unless my kids or the cat decided to rough house.  Every now and again a door frame or cabinet door would bump them and damn!  The weirder part is when they, or just one, will randomly hurt suddenly.  Then you have to be all, "what is it girl? Is there a storm coming? Did Timmy fall down a well?".

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Feels so weird to think I have already taken 12 days worth of HRT. (It bothers me the counter starts on day 0 on the ticker!) Also, super amazing.

Anywho, a few things I wanted to post about...

So I came out to my younger brother. Went as expected, and didn't phase him in the slightest. He did the oversharing about his sexual escapades in return thing a little, but that's okay. One of the things he said actually did help a lot, but not really something I can share here.

To touch upon what I mentioned in unhappy and happy threads... Jesus, Sunday and Monday were a stressful nightmare with no outlets. Meal turned out great, but I would rather have not done it at all still. Mostly because of what happened Tuesday... I don't know how much I've mentioned it here, I can't remember, but I have long had a large feeling of being neglected and ignored. Well, more than a feeling, confirmed reality by third parties actually. This is kind of hard to explain in full without getting into a super long thing that isn't worth dwelling on, so simplified version: After everything I did the previous two days, virtually completely by myself... After everything they know I'm going through with me being at a sensitive time... Almost everyone went to lunch at a place they 100% knew I wanted to go without inviting me. Not a single freaking word. I found out later because my dad had texted my younger brother asking if he wanted to go, but he didn't for a number of reasons, and when he came back to the house he mentioned it. If he had not said something, I wouldn't have even known they had went. This is just the latest in an endless line of such things that is really hard to explain, but coming right after the Christmas stuff was just too freaking much. I am just incredibly hurt, sad, disappointed... you name it. The worst part is, I shouldn't be. It is ridiculously typical, I should be used to it by now. My dad and step mother are fostering a massive divide in the family, and I'm not talking about like extended family and what not but their actual various children. It's the reason this is the first time my younger brother has come down in forever, and my older brother wanted nothing to do with any of it and didn't come at all.

Hey hun,  I'm really sorry about the family strife. It's a sad reality that many would rather hurt others to build themselves up,  rather than understanding the mutual benefits of love and support.

As the saying goes, you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.

Well you've got a bunch of loyal friends here who love you and want you to be happy.

Focus on yourself,  and let others waste their energy on hate,  be above it.

Hugs. X

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Hi Ellie, that's unfortunate.  I can tell you I'm in the same boat when it comes to desserts.  I proved myself that I can do it and they can be lazy, so now they are all lazy.  However the other strife is inexcusable.  I can think of only one reason that maybe it's okay.  Maybe they wanted to discuss your choice in transition without hurting you by doing it in front of you.  My family does do that, and they are for the most part supportive.   still it hurts, and I feel for you.  warm hugs.

Bari Jo

It wasn't transition related for sure, half of the people there did not know.

The thing is... It's not intentionally malicious, which makes it harder in a way. It's just complete self absorption and lack of consideration. It's really hard to explain without getting into a lifelong history of, if I'm being totally honest, being the victim of just pure selfishness. (And it's not just me, it's based heavily around a 100% clear favorite child, which builds everything around them at the expense of everyone else. And while pretty much everyone else has washed their hands of it and just accepted the unfair treatment and bitterness that goes along with it, like a moth to a flame I keep thinking "Oh, I'll cook Christmas Dinner" or any of a number of other tasks I take upon myself to try to earn some consideration. Which is then paid lip service to with "you do so much around here, we need to do ___ for you sometime" that never, ever materializes. Ever. So yeah.)

And the obliviousness isn't just in taking or not taking action, but also common interaction. Like I was really depressed sitting in the living room, and my dad was just going on and on about something incredibly trivial, looking right at me. And I couldn't muster a smile or say a word or anything I was just so down.  But he didn't even notice. And I know it was obvious because my sister took one look at me and immediately asked what was wrong and gave me a big hug before I could even say anything. (Another perfect example... my step brother is super stressed dealing with his pretty much movie level insane father, and on top of it hasn't been able to get any sleep because of people bringing dogs over who won't stop barking, when he has to sleep during the day because of working night shifts at a hotel during the Christmas rush. So he sort of stormed out to go to work with no sleep and irritated, and people were just like "what was his problem"... when, you know, his problem was really, really obvious if they had paid attention to anything at all.)

But I'm going to try to not wallow too much, just had to vent a bit here.

Though I am itching for the second my sister goes off to college so I can just get the hell out of here and start fresh without all of this nonsense. If not for my concern for her and not wanting to ever make her feel like she was abandoned, I would be out of here already, finances be damned.

I feel for you.  If you ever want to take a break and visit OC, let me know, door is open.  It's not a bad place to lay down roots too.

Bari Jo

Hi Ellie,

  I'm sorry you are feeling down, unappreciated and left out. I'm sure dealing with family that are oblivious to how you feel and cannot see the hurt they do you is hard. I suspect this isn't a new thing with the "favorite " child. It is unfortunate, but it doesn't sound like it is going to change either. Take solace in that your sister does see your pain and is on your side. I haven't got any words of wisdom for you, Ellie. Just know she and those here appreciate you.

Hugs,
   Laurie

As usual, I appreciate and absolutely <3 you all for caring!

I always feel so bad complaining, because in the scheme of things stuff like this is just not that big of a deal and people have it far, far worse. It just all feels so unnecessary and strange to me, because despite it being my dad I never really felt that way growing up, buffered my mom going the other extreme (she included everybody no matter what, and would panic that people might even possibly ever feel left out or neglected).

Quote from: Bari Jo on December 27, 2017, 01:40:19 PM
I feel for you.  If you ever want to take a break and visit OC, let me know, door is open.  It's not a bad place to lay down roots too.

Bari Jo

I hope so much I can take you up on that someday. Traveling is still a bit beyond me at the moment and for the foreseeable future, but I've thought several times of how cool it would be to do the tour around the country or even globe and visit everyone I've met here down the line. Seeing the mentions in posts by you, Laurie, Kendra, etc. talking about seeing people from Susans just seems so cool to me.

 Hey Ellie,

  I think that road trip is a great idea. If you become able to do it I highly recommend it. There is just something awesome to getting out on the road going from one state to another, from this town to that town meeting everyone you can from Susan's along the way. That would be so cool to do and fun too. You could even return home as a different person from the experience. If you can, you should do it.

Hugs,
  Laurie

(darned kids!)

Aw Ellie I'm sorry, I can definitely relate to the whole being left out thing, it really sucks and it's been happening to me a lot lately and it really hurts. there's a group of girls I'm always trying to do stuff with and they're constantly doing stuff together and they leave me out of it and they say that I shouldn't get upset when people do things without me. That really pisses me off, you can't tell me how I'm allowed to feel, a feeling is a natural reaction that I can't control! These girls have all had boyfriends for a while and none of them ever neglects any of the other ones. If someone ever made any one of them feel bad there would always be someone there to have their back, and I don't have that. I bet none of those girls have felt lonely in a very long time, and I think this is the loneliest I've ever felt! I've actually been writing songs about it, I have one finished called "I'll never be one of you". It sucks though, I don't hate them, I really wanna be friends and hang out all the time, I just get bummed out when I'm not included. I'm supposed to be going to a drag show with a few of them tomorrow night, but we'll see what happens.

Anyways, this is your thread so I'll get back to you lol... Have you noticed any physical changes yet? Skin and hair less greasy?

Road trip! Road trip! Road trip! ...I love 'em. [emoji4]

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Ellie I've veen reading your posts here but haven't responded yet I don't think. I know how hard it is to feel like you don't belong or are just not good enough (both far from true).

Feeling hurt and sad is normal sometimes. Maybe even angry!

I see people everyday at my job as a counselor who are suffering through emotional pain. I always want and hope that they find what will help them. Yet I know I can't do that for them automatically.

Realizing I'm trans and doing something about it has helped me personally. I'm not bothered by things that used to get to me easily.

Point is you're on track for where you need to go and that will bring you fulfillment someday!

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