Hi I just recently joined and I'm a 25 year old transgender woman. I have yet to go through with any real changes however but my hope is to some day start hrt and go from there. I only recently discovered this about myself as it's something I didn't even really want to think about. I use to live in California but moved to Texas after finding my wife online. Things went very well with us and what was only originally suppose to be a visit turned into moving in and eventually marriage. It was quite a drastic change and my parents were very much surprised when I told them I basically wasn't coming home. They were supportive enough though and my new family accepted me for the most part.

Things got a bit more complicated after that and I think because my wife made me feel so comfortable and safe that it made me finally consider things about myself mainly if I was transgender. The shoe seemed to fit as they say and looking at my life from the perspective of a transwoman just made a lot of sense. Like I was looking at a picture of shapes and colours but only truly understanding what it was a painting of after I learned that about myself. This was not welcome news to my wife however and it was looking like we might get divorced.

We fought a lot and at the height of her anger she had begun telling her best friend about our issues. To this day I'm not sure what she told her, but her friend had started teasing me about being feminine thereafter which was in some small way humiliating and scary for me. I know it was lighthearted and she didn't mean anything by it but having a secret like that just out there worried me because I worked with her and her father and our family and friends likely would not take well to hearing that I consider myself to be trans. I'm pretty sure that she thinks my wife was exaggerating but the thing is she really wasn't.

This whole problem had to be resolved and I didn't want to lose her so I told her I wasn't serious about it, which eventually evolved into it just being a kink or fetish. That I only wanted to be a woman in the bedroom. Surprisingly this went over well and she indulged me in things such as doing my makeup, painting my nails, and letting me wear some lingerie. The only thing is I don't have the heart to tell her that it's more than just a sexual thing for me, and much less our friends and family.

I'm a long way from home and I'm in a place where being completely shunned and shut out of everyone's lives is a real possibility. Were any of this to happen I don't know where I'd go or what I'd do. I don't even know how my own parents would feel about it. I often wonder if it's worth it and I'm scared, I worry and although everyone says I should do what I want and live life my own way I don't know what that is yet. I've never come to such an impasse in my life and I just have no damn idea in the world what I'm going to do.

Sorry my story got so... dramatic, but I thought it was important information and a fairly unfiltered look into this part of my life which is every bit new and exciting as it is scary. I am hopeful and it's not all doom and gloom joining this site is just one of my first steps to exploring a new chapter in my life.     

Hi Morticia 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's!  I'm Jessica an official greeter here.  Susan's is a great place to get insight and answers that we all have.  Nobody is more dramatic than me sometimes, so feel at home.  I'll posts some link to help you get better acquainted with the site. 

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Hi Morticia 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Thank you kindly gals, I believe I have seen you around recently as well on some of the other introductions. Glad to make your acquaintance <3

Welcome to Susan's Place. If you have already spent much time on this site, my response isn't going to be much of a surprise. Your first step should be locating a gender therapist and exploring your feelings. At some point, it would be best if your wife joined you in therapy. After you know what you want to do, we can help you with advice on how to take it farther. In the meant time, enjoy the site and join in on the conversations.

Thank you and yes that is one thing that often comes up. I would love if my wife would even consider talking about it more openly unfortunately I think she may need more time to come around to it. If I'm being honest with myself I have a pretty good idea where I want to be and to what extent I'd like to transition but how that fits into my life currently is a much harder thing to factor in. However I'll still gather information and continue to learn about other people's experiences.

Morticia, some women only need to have the girly things in private to satisfy their female self.  Whereas some cannot imagine another moment as a man.  There are many points in transition that can give the happiness that is needed.  You have to decide what is right for you.  I have to point out that if I had the option for transition when I was 25, I would have been young enough to have enjoyed life longer as who I really am.  36 years later...here I am, finally having the chance.

Hi Morticia,
   I love the name. My name is Moni and I welcome you as well. Thank you for sharing. I came to terms with being trans in the last few years. I don't know what your future holds but I will offer one word of advice. Figure yourself out. Work on what this means to you. I ran from my truth for decades, and it meant a lot of unnecessary misery for me and my partner. No, running is no answer. I wish you good things. I know it is a scary place for you. See you around, Hon!

Morticia, you are almost exactly me 25 years ago except I never told my wife a was trans.
She knew my love of girly things as just a kinky side of me. She even bought alot of my panties for me. She got to a point where she hated seeing me in ugly man underware.
25 pretty wonderful years later 3 kids, nice home and pretty well off I finally came out to her
She couldn't handle it and we are now separated.  I would not trade that 25 years for anything but I needed to finally be me.
There are many places on the trans spectrum I think a good therapist would help you figure out where you stand. It can change over time but maybe just maybe what she is allowingight keep you happy and content for awhile? Forever?
P.S. welcome to Susans

Thank you moni haha, I know this is something unavoidable and needs to be talked about. That is one of the other biggest things I've gotten advice about is honesty and communication.

Wow Jessica you look great for 61 if my math serves me right, which it might not. (I kinda have a small dyslexia problem),I sometimes have to reread things to get it right and even then I still get things wrong haha. But yeah I hope I look that good later and I definitely want to make a firm decision hopefully in the next couple of years I certainly don't wanna spin my wheels and either be too afraid to make a choice or simply put it off.

It's funny how a lot of us are in the same boat huh? One thing I have been trying to do is prevent divorce without denying who I really want to be so it really helps to hear stories like yours.

There has been some very exciting news and that is my wife seems to be more willing to talk to me about transitioning. She still has said she doesn't want kids if I'm a woman because I guess she's worried that they would need a real father and the possibility of kids picking on our children weighs on her mind, but hey its a start!

I know she loves me and I hope I continue to make progress with her. Thank you all for the kind words and advice  <3

Quote from: Morticia on December 29, 2017, 09:49:30 PM
Thank you moni haha, I know this is something unavoidable and needs to be talked about. That is one of the other biggest things I've gotten advice about is honesty and communication.

Wow Jessica you look great for 61 if my math serves me right, which it might not. (I kinda have a small dyslexia problem),I sometimes have to reread things to get it right and even then I still get things wrong haha. But yeah I hope I look that good later and I definitely want to make a firm decision hopefully in the next couple of years I certainly don't wanna spin my wheels and either be too afraid to make a choice or simply put it off.

It's funny how a lot of us are in the same boat huh? One thing I have been trying to do is prevent divorce without denying who I really want to be so it really helps to hear stories like yours.

There has been some very exciting news and that is my wife seems to be more willing to talk to me about transitioning. She still has said she doesn't want kids if I'm a woman because I guess she's worried that they would need a real father and the possibility of kids picking on our children weighs on her mind, but hey its a start!

I know she loves me and I hope I continue to make progress with her. Thank you all for the kind words and advice  <3

I have to confess my avatar is a pic from faceapp.  When it was generated, I cried because it look so much like me .  I just needed fuller cheeks, which have been happening.  I'm not far from this goal.  Oh and by the way I do feel 16 at the moment.  A 16 yo girl with sore tits!

If you even remotely want your own children, get your little swimmers on ice before you start hrt. 

Hugs, Jessica 💁‍♀️

Morticia,
   Didn't you know 60 is the new 40. Glad to hear your news. I am still with my wife and it has worked out. It is possible. 
Moni
So how is Gomez? lol

I see Jessica, are they sore because you opted for implants? That's cool your cheeks are filling out mine were very gaunt when I was 120-140 pounds not very feminine!

Haha you know how it goes ball room dancing whenever possible that is if he isn't with fester lol

Quote from: HappyMoni on December 29, 2017, 10:08:04 PM
Morticia,
   Didn't you know 60 is the new 40. Glad to hear your news. I am still with my wife and it has worked out. It is possible. 
Moni
So how is Gomez? lol

You know you and Jessica have a point whenever I have time to myself and I get to let my feminine side have her way I feel like a teenager for the first time. My teenage years were pretty dull and uneventful probably because I didn't identify very well with being male, it always felt awkward and unpleasant. I absolutely abhorred the stereotypes people thought of me for being born male, but now I feel so happy being girly and I  feel 10 years younger <3

Hello Morticia,

Welcome aboard sister! You have arrived at a wonderful place to help you with exploring life's possibilities!

I'm in CA but my husband and I travel to TX once or twice a year... Usually to see concerts around Austin and the hill country... We planned to go to Port A during 2017 until the hurricane had its way down there! We'll go back after they rebuild!

All will be well Morticia!!! Amazing things await you!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

Quote from: tgirlamc on December 29, 2017, 11:55:46 PM
Hello Morticia,

Welcome aboard sister! You have arrived at a wonderful place to help you with exploring life's possibilities!

I'm in CA but my husband and I travel to TX once or twice a year... Usually to see concerts around Austin and the hill country... We planned to go to Port A during 2017 until the hurricane had its way down there! We'll go back after they rebuild!

All will be well Morticia!!! Amazing things await you!!!

Onward we go!!!

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

I never knew just how hard it was to accept and go on with life after coming to the realization that one's self is transgender but if there is one thing I see a lot of around here it's the forward minded attitude of which I feel is personified through you. It's a feeling of confidence that gives strength to the weary hearted and lost sisters and brothers out there. Thank you and all of the lovely gals here. I was fortunate enough to not be in the way of the storm but I do hope the effected areas get restored quickly so you can visit soon <3

Well Morticia, the place you find yourself can be scary and hard to see the future. Each person facing this has their own personal bubble of scary things when it comes to facing their reality. When I came out I was convinced I would lose every person I told. I was very lucky not to lose much. I had to fight the enemy we all face, fear. I am not saying you should take any specific action, that is your call, but it is helpful to come to Susan's and talk, vent, learn and help others with our experiences. Glad you are here, Hon!
Moni
If you talk to Cousin It, I could use some hair care tips. Oh Moni, stop with the Addams family cracks. See what I'm dealing with here, being me? lol Anyway, here's hoping you can be who you are.

Hi Morticia

Fortunately you still young so you have a long time to decide and anyways you should put yourself first because it's your life. take your time to discover your feminine side to know if it's really a fetish or it's your real self and you want to live 24/7 as a female.

I wish you the best

Haya

Hi Morticia, welcome to Susan's Place! Not to brag, but I'm Cousin It certified in hairstyling. 
See you around the site!
Hugs, Devlyn

Hi Morticia,

  I'm Laurie. I thought I would have a word with you. It seems Thing has been coming around to visit Clyde who Is sitting here on my desk. Who's Clyde? Well i"d better let that Mooney... umm Moanie female explain it to you. What I needed to talk to you about is, well you see Cylde is deseased and his remains are preserved in a decorated jar on my desk. I don't know if Thing prefers preserves or just doesn't understand. Perhaps you could have a talk with him?
  What's that? Your new and this is your intro thread? Well what's that got to do with Thing? Oh sorry (I guess) Yes yes welcome to the club by all means come on it    Yes this is Susan's Place You were told everyone here is sooo nice?  Ha ha that's a good one. I'm about the only nice one around here. Conceited??!!? Me? Well!! I never !  Fine, just fine! Welcome to Susan's place. There are you happy now? sheeeesh Alright I'm going. I'm going.

Hugs,
  Laurie

P.S. You will talk to Thing won't you?