A FAQ for the Significant Others (SO's) of Transsexuals.
Q) What is a Transsexual?
A) A
transsexual (sometimes transexual) (TS) person is born with a permanent identity with the opposite gender to their assigned (usually at birth) sex. Transsexual men and women make or desire to make a transition from their birth sex to that of the opposite sex, with some type of medical alteration (gender reassignment therapy) to their body. The stereotypical explanation is of a "woman trapped in a man's body" or vice versa, although many in the transsexual community reject this formulation. For the exact wording of formal medical definitions, see gender identity disorder.
Q) When did it start?
A) For most it started at birth. Indeed, some remember their first thoughts were that something was wrong and that they were the opposite gender of what they were perceived to be. Some suppress it until much later in life.
Q) So why wasn't the problem dealt with then?
A) Should a child voice their distress with being brought up in the wrong gender, parents didn't believe them or dismissed it as a phase they would grow out of. Some may have believed that forcing a boy to be more masculine and a girl to be more feminine would solve the problem. This would often force the child's feelings into hiding.
Q) What is life like for a transsexual child?
Being forced to be something you are not is cruel, and it may lead to trouble in school and in social situations because they do not identify with their peers. It can foster low self esteem, bullying, name calling and withdrawal. Some may not even have friends of the same gender. Children who find themselves in this situation may start acting like their peers, just to protect themselves. Its either that or ostracism. So blending into their assigned roles is an act that can last a lifetime.
Q) What are the effects in Puberty?
A) Puberty can pure hell for the transsexual and serious problems can begin as their bodies mature with the wrong secondary sexual characteristics. Imagine how an MTF feels as her body grows hair and muscle mass. Normal erections become both confusing and even terrifying. Imagine a FTM who starts his period and is revisited every 28 days. Imagine growing breasts instead of muscle. Some parents may have no idea that their TS children live a daily nightmare that can lead to some becoming dangerously suicidal.
Even at this stage teens rarely tell their parents because they don't think their parents will understand. Parents give off many hints about how they feel about what they consider to be normal in their community. If they would not accept a son as gay would they accept him as a Transsexual? Many schools do not have safe guards in place to protect those who are TS. Many also know that their peers would never accept them as TS. The only option is to stay in the closet where its emotionally dangerous and physically safe.
Q) Is there sex involved.
A) Being Transsexual is about Gender not about Sex. Sexual Orientation has nothing to do with gender.
Q) What can be done.
A) The first step is to seek therapy with a Therapist who specializes in these gender issues. This may result in the diagnosis of
Gender Identity Disorder (GID) in which case a recommendation for
Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT),
Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS/SRS), and
Real Life Test (RLT), may be made.
Q) We're very close. Why didn't he/she tell me before we were married?
A) Some Transsexuals either suppressed it or kept it at bay with sheer will power. Some hope that the right partner will make a difference. Eventually though it breaks free. Many have described it as a spiritual awakening and others as an out of body experience. Once this happens the path for the TS becomes clear and some will not be deterred.
Transsexualism is a severe test for a marriage. While some survive many do not.
Q) What happens if a Transsexual does not have surgery?
A) Almost every transsexual is different and for some the surgery is not essential, and for others it is. Surgery does not make the person who they are. For some surgery is an impossible dream due to medical, financial or even physical reasons and because of this some can report having had suicidal thoughts or attempts at some point in their lives. However there is no proof of numbers.
Q) Is he/she Gay?
A) A person who is transsexual is not necessarily gay or lesbian, but they can be. A female born male who is attracted to males would be heterosexual, and visa versa. However there is still much debate on this and its difficult to say before hormones and surgery.
Q) Can I make him stop being Transsexual?
A) No!
Q) So what can I do?
A) Communicate with them, share and support them, become educated on this, seek help from support groups such as this, establish a support network, be honest and upfront, and never say never. Just to start.
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With kind permission from Peggiann - Steph[/edit]
