Hi Again Alenko,
I am far from a gender therapist who is most likely the one who can better help you explore these relatively new feelings if you truly find yourself questioning your gender. I say if because of your comment in which you said this was a fairly recent activity for you. A lot of us can remember clues in our past that could have pointed to our gender identity issues.
In my case I didn't think it really wrong for me to like playing with girls. Heck I had five sisters and a brother that was quite a bit older than I was. At home I played with my sisters. I liked jacks, hopscotch, jump rope, hula hoop etc. I soon discovered their clothes went not for boys. In school I was expected to play with the boys and I did but I preferred swinging on the bars and jump rope with the girls over baseball and kickball. Society at the time was very much boys are boys and girls were girls and boys didn't want pretty things and pretty clothes. But I did. I discovered wearing girls clothes was exciting and forbidden and though I enjoyed it I knew it was wrong so it had to be hidden. And I discovered it was sexually exciting too which made it even more wrong. Exciting , enjoyable but very wrong.
As I got older I started worrying about why I enjoyed it so much I wanted to do it every chance I could get. I began looking in libraries to see what was wrong with me. What I found made me feel even worse. I was mentally ill, a deviate, a pervert. I even found a name for what I was. I was a transvestite. I tried to stop but I couldn't. it continued. As a teenager I dated cute girls how I envied them. I wanted to be them not get into their pants. Well I did want to get into their pants but not in the way other guys did. I wanted to wear them and I wanted to be them.
I could go one for another 50 years but you get the idea. For me it was a life long thing of wanting to be a girl. I cross dressed right up until last year when I found a new term. Gender dysphoria. The more I read about it the more I knew they were talking about me. I was taking HRT about a moth later. I wasn't a cross dresser like I had thought for so many years I am transgender I am a trans- woman. That is what I was missing all those years.
In your case you may have found an enjoyable pastime in cross dressing. You find it exciting, arousing and enjoyable for it's self. Dressing up and looking pretty may be all that it is for you. And that is just fine. Lots of men do it and that is all they do because it is all they need. There is absolutely nothing wrong about it. It is simply something they enjoy doing. On the other hand it could be your awakening to the woman who has been hiding within you and it may turn out that you like me need and want more than the joys of dressing up. you could be non-binary where sometime your female self want her turn and at other the male self take over and you live a live of switching between them switching when the need arrives. Or you can be gender fluid were you are part female and part male being a blend of those two.
Only you can figure out who and what you are. Enjoy what you are doing and explore it. Try something different on for size. Experiment until you think you have an idea and then see a gender therapist and let them help you decide which you prefer being. Is it normal? I'd have to answer yes for how else will you discover who you are? Good luck, Alenko.
Hugs,
Laurie
