Quote from: Roll on January 01, 2018, 11:13:35 AM
Part of me wants at least some huge shocked or dramatic response. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

If i still felt like a man i might say something like " geaz! Woman wants to get all emotanal on someones ass" *puts popcorn in the microwave in prep to watch a cat fight



Though its fantastic that everyone has been suportive so far maybe you can change how you tell people from now in order to get a bad responce ? 

Quote from: Roll on January 01, 2018, 11:13:35 AM
Seriously, at this point coming out is starting to feel anti-climactic and weird. I don't want anyone to have a negative reaction, but I keep preparing for one and when it doesn't happen I have all those nerves and adrenaline that just sort of go nowhere. Part of me wants at least some huge shocked or dramatic response. Does that make any sense whatsoever?

I don't find it weird at all.  The process does become mundane after a while.  The nonreactions are honestly some of the weirdest.  To us this is a big deal so to just get "meh" feels so decidedly odd.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk

Ellie, pretty soon you will work up less adrenaline when you come out to someone, because your body will realize it's not needed.  And soon after that, you will start enjoying it.  Towards the end of my coming out process, I was looking for anyone else to come out to because I liked it so much.  No lie!

When people closest are told then each person further away from you have less of an impact. So in a way if becomes easier; sort of matter of fact.

I think part of it is that I just... I dunno, it's like I don't trust the casually supportive reactions? My younger brother had probably the most clear cut and honest response, and just the way he phrased things and how he acted I have no doubt he meant every word. But that also triggered a contrast with almost everyone else, and I started to really worry what they aren't saying. I know, I know, that is a really bad road to walk and I should take a win as a win, I'm just not wired that way. It's not that I'm a pessimist even, it's that my self-esteem is still pretty much non existent (though comparatively far better than it was).

Ellie,

  Now you listen to me youngin. If you go too far down that road I 'll Slap you up the side of the head and you know I will. Now just you stop that nonsense.... You hear me??

Hugs,
   Laurie

Like you are gonna drive to Sea Island Ga to do it???  Huh,. girly??  1200 miles for a dope slap.  I don't think so.
Maybe get Ellie on Slapchat and take care of yo bidness there.  And it is deleted in 15 minutes.

Quote from: KathyLauren on January 01, 2018, 01:32:53 PM
Ellie, pretty soon you will work up less adrenaline when you come out to someone, because your body will realize it's not needed.  And soon after that, you will start enjoying it.  Towards the end of my coming out process, I was looking for anyone else to come out to because I liked it so much.  No lie!

Haha! I know that feeling well. I had such a good response from everyone that I really wanted to tell everyone I possibly could. But short of shouting it in the streets I kind of ran out of people. I've considered posting something on Facebook or Twitter, but I really don't have many followers on either (and most of them already know).

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 01, 2018, 10:44:46 PM
Like you are gonna drive to Sea Island Ga to do it???  Huh,. girly??  1200 miles for a dope slap.  I don't think so.
Maybe get Ellie on Slapchat and take care of yo bidness there.  And it is deleted in 15 minutes.

LOL It is less than 3,000 miles. Practically just down the road. I could stop by on my way to Florida.

Laurie

ZOMG! I missed sooo much. My life went sideways for a bit over holidays and I got lost. :/

Julia Serano said in her book that her sense of smell changed and eventually stayed. She said everytime she nuzzled her wifes neck it was like the smells made little fireworks go off in her head. Like the smell was now attached to feelings.

I've read alot lately about the long term drop off. People who act totally cool at first but then just ghost you. I hope that doesnt happen but you might mentally prepare for it JIC.

I missed you so much. I'm so happy for you though! Your living the dream now!

The sideways bit started with a big response I wrote to you, but got lost, and the... you know... life happened. 

Quote from: Izzy Grace on January 02, 2018, 02:20:17 AM
ZOMG! I missed sooo much. My life went sideways for a bit over holidays and I got lost. :/

Julia Serano said in her book that her sense of smell changed and eventually stayed. She said everytime she nuzzled her wifes neck it was like the smells made little fireworks go off in her head. Like the smell was now attached to feelings.

I've read alot lately about the long term drop off. People who act totally cool at first but then just ghost you. I hope that doesnt happen but you might mentally prepare for it JIC.

I missed you so much. I'm so happy for you though! Your living the dream now!

The sideways bit started with a big response I wrote to you, but got lost, and the... you know... life happened. 

I've been wondering how you have been doing!!!!!!!!!! So exciting to see you are still moving forward!! I hope the holiday stuff has settled, they are always tough in the best of situations. ;/ Saw your pic in the fabulous thread, posting that was a huge and wonderful step, or at least was for me! I also truly feel that you will have wonderful results with HRT!

Fortunately I do feel confident the few people I genuinely care about more than anything else, and will want in my life for the long term, are with me for the duration. Just last night I had the most wonderful time just being straight up silly with my sister for over an hour with an insane conversation switching between accents and pronouncing the word "drawer", all triggered by the phrase "buttered pecans". Yes, it was entirely as illogical as it sounds. That is what I want to never lose more than anything else. (Buttered pecans means absolutely nothing, but it just sounded like a really perverted euphemism. )

And not living the dream just yet, but getting closer than I've ever been.

Yeah, I'm so sorry. I know you know how things can get to you and make you disengage and its just that time of year. That's exactly what happened. I sure hope you're right. Really my resolution is to just accept myself like you accept me in that picture. I need to get there.

Good! I think that's gonna be huge, that's your support structure right there and I know that one, in particular, had you worried and look how it went.

Hah! I know its not a dream, but that's really amazing because you know its really real from that kind of interaction. You're on HRT, you feel aligned, theres a path forward where you get to live out loud now. It might not always be sunshine and songs but that is really something, you should bask in it, alot.

So... uhhhh. This is going to be a case of over sharing probably, but whatever.

Since yesterday the power has been down here, flickering on and off today. (Seems semi stable at the moment.) With no hot water and freezing temperatures, I did not take a shower yesterday for obvious reasons. The problem is that I also skipped Tueday just because I didn't smell at all and felt perfectly clean. And I was being lazy. The result? I got to put my HRT body odor to the test! ... And wow. Yeah. Pure female smell.

Here's what may be the more interesting, if entirely undesired, part... I've never had smelly feet. Ever. No clue why, just not something I ever had to deal with. Neither did my brothers really (it was commented on a few times contrasting to other people, so not just like I was used to it or something). My sister on the other hand... um. I'll leave it at that it is a noticable problem. When I went to take a shower a few minutes ago while power was stable and had hot water, I took of my shoes (obviously). Yeaaaaaaah. So immediately noticed I had magically developed the same issue my sister has. So familial lines of foot odor can apparently be gender hormone based. Fun.

Kewl Roll!!!!!

I just got this crazy desire to dance around the house and I never liked dancing until now.

Quote from: Cali on January 04, 2018, 03:47:05 PM
Kewl Roll!!!!!

I just got this crazy desire to dance around the house and I never liked dancing until now.

  And so it starts... the psychosomatic euphoria of beginning HRT. Oh the insanity of it all. Just wait until the crying starts. Good boobs yet?

To be honest, my twin sisters (in honor of the Texas Canyons) could be cupped in my hands before haven't been too active. 

Cannons, don't want anyone visualizing big mountains around canyons

Quote from: Roll on January 04, 2018, 03:08:19 PM
So... uhhhh. This is going to be a case of over sharing probably, but whatever.

Since yesterday the power has been down here, flickering on and off today. (Seems semi stable at the moment.) With no hot water and freezing temperatures, I did not take a shower yesterday for obvious reasons. The problem is that I also skipped Tueday just because I didn't smell at all and felt perfectly clean. And I was being lazy. The result? I got to put my HRT body odor to the test! ... And wow. Yeah. Pure female smell.

Here's what may be the more interesting, if entirely undesired, part... I've never had smelly feet. Ever. No clue why, just not something I ever had to deal with. Neither did my brothers really (it was commented on a few times contrasting to other people, so not just like I was used to it or something). My sister on the other hand... um. I'll leave it at that it is a noticable problem. When I went to take a shower a few minutes ago while power was stable and had hot water, I took of my shoes (obviously). Yeaaaaaaah. So immediately noticed I had magically developed the same issue my sister has. So familial lines of foot odor can apparently be gender hormone based. Fun.

It's the opposite in my family. I don't have any foot odor. My dad's feet can be pretty smelly sometimes but my brother's feet! If it's hot and he pulls off his shoes, that stink would burn the fuzz off a peach.  Of course I don't have to gather his dirty socks, they walk to the hamper by themselves.

Not transition related (well, not directly at least), but oh god I am so stressed and freaking out right now at my school workload for the coming months. My spring semester began today, and I've now had time to look over my courses and get a handle on what will be required in them. Unfortunately, every last course I am taking this semester is just a nightmare...

First, they told me the wrong textbook editions. So that's a great (expensive as hell) start. So now I have to wait on the right textbooks to get here on top of everything else.

I also don't find out the name of my professors until the start of classes, and found out that one of the guys I have I've had before, and he is hands down the hardest grader I've encountered. (He is one of those people that finds giving out an A almost sinful.) So that's fun. On top of it, he is teaching probably the most difficult class on my schedule in terms of being detail oriented (advanced data communication and networking). Though maybe the more black and white nature of the answers will play in my favor, since the previous class was a more subjective business class. Can't exactly mark a right answer wrong on a multiple choice just because you don't like giving out on A.

Next, I found out 3 out of 4 of my courses have proctored midterms. Now that might not seem weird or like a big deal, but sort of goes against a large part of the reason online classes are great to begin with. Then, it's material that really should be project oriented, not tested on, and my experience so far is they give you insane and pointless human compiler type exams that are just plain tedious and horrible. The part that genuinely and truly sucks? They are all on my birthday... So I get to spend the day in a testing center taking 4-5 hours of midterms on my birthday.

And last but certainly not least, all four of my courses have huge semester long group projects(before I only had one per semester, so this is just plain bad luck). Now some people might read that and think "that's a good thing, other people can do the work for you". But no, no... I'm the one who does the work for other people. Always have been. And where everyone else is happy to just get through it with a C and move on, I'm in my senior courses desperately trying to maintain my 4.0 since I will need it for the program I really want in to at GA Tech. In other words, I could do great in the course otherwise and still not pull the grade I need because of other people slacking. I hate relying on other people.  (I suppose that is what a lifetime of social isolation gets you.)

Oh, and all 4 courses are just the epitome of boring. Usually I have at least one that I am interested in, but not this semester. I'm down to the dregs. (Though I suppose they are better than summer's IT Policy and Law... that should be a riot...)

I am just thankful as hell I'm only doing the 12 credit hours this semester, normally I have been maxing my credits each time (overloaded twice) to get through it all as fast as possible. I would not want to do these courses with two other courses on top of them. (And after this semester, it drops off even more, where I'm only doing 6 during the summer, 9 in the fall, and 6 next spring. The timing on when courses were available pushed me out to next spring and messed up my original plan to be done already.)

Okay, got that out of my system. I feel a bit better now.

Hang in there Ellie, I'm sure you can do it. I know I couldn't... never took a real college course for anything. I couldn't write an essay if my life depended on it.