Hello everyone, 😊

   I have been lurking the forums for a few weeks now, so thought it was time to interact with all you fine people. I would like to pre-warn you that I tend to be a bit of a rambler from time to time (more so with writing than vocal interactions), will try and keep this intro short though for the sake of quick greetings and save everything else for the appropriate forum/topics.

  I'm a 40-year-old Scottish born Male with self-identified Gender Dysphoria, not been to my local
GIC yet for a "Professional diagnosis" since there is a 13-month waiting list ☹ of which I am 1 month into.

It has been 4 weeks since I finally seen though all this thick white fog which has surrounded me since as far back as I can recall. I have always felt different as if the body I was existing in (not living) was a stop gap and I was meant for something greater. It is only now since my epiphany that I see more and more pieces from my past are part of the same puzzle, and as I keep finding more pieces to fit into the image I wonder why I did not see it sooner. The following paragraphs detail some of those pieces if you will.

From as early as I can remember I have always been drawn to women's garments, like most young curious people you experiment with whatever you can get your hands on, for me it was family female clothes (Yeah even now I still cringe at my younger self for wearing someone else's clothes...) but as I got older and earned a wage I bought my own feminine clothing once in a while before I would supress my feelings for years on end till the cycle started again.

Emotionally, I have always felt more feminine than male but again this was buried way down when in public and even to my family where I have always taken a don't hug me, or kiss me on the cheek policy, which is sad and depressing to me, it just seemed the more I kept people at a distance the easier it was to keep my emotions in-check less my female self be outed but also the harder it was mentally to break the cycle.

Appearance wise, I have always hated my body even tried working out you know to get more masculine, those moments were short lived though as I always came up with excuses to quit. The first time I shaved any part of my lower body was probably like 22 years ago now which were my legs. Tis only in the past 2 years where I have consistently shaved my legs and anywhere else hair resides it just makes me feel more in touch with myself feminine side. For the past 2 years that was me sort of stealthing I guess until I was ready to admit that I had Gender Identity issues.

So here I am typing to strangers on the internet and divulging some secrets from my past with the hopes that I can learn more about myself from reading you own experiences.

  Sorry for the Novel with random paragraphs, sometimes I just type what comes into my head.
 

                             Hugs and Kisses

                                                        Natasia  😊

Hi Natasia 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

Hi Natasia, welcome to Susan's Place! I have been lurking these forums for many years, for the last seven I've been a member. I've read a lot of posts, and there isn't anything unusual about what you've written. You're among friends here, friends who are on the same path that you are. We know what you're feeling. You just keep posting whatever pops into your head, it's going to help someone else find their way. 

See you around the site!

Hugs, Devlyn

Quote from: Natasia-O on January 05, 2018, 06:32:22 PM
Hello everyone, 😊

   I have been lurking the forums for a few weeks now, so thought it was time to interact with all you fine people. I would like to pre-warn you that I tend to be a bit of a rambler from time to time (more so with writing than vocal interactions), will try and keep this intro short though for the sake of quick greetings and save everything else for the appropriate forum/topics.

  I'm a 40-year-old Scottish born Male with self-identified Gender Dysphoria, not been to my local
GIC yet for a "Professional diagnosis" since there is a 13-month waiting list ☹ of which I am 1 month into.

It has been 4 weeks since I finally seen though all this thick white fog which has surrounded me since as far back as I can recall. I have always felt different as if the body I was existing in (not living) was a stop gap and I was meant for something greater. It is only now since my epiphany that I see more and more pieces from my past are part of the same puzzle, and as I keep finding more pieces to fit into the image I wonder why I did not see it sooner. The following paragraphs detail some of those pieces if you will.

From as early as I can remember I have always been drawn to women's garments, like most young curious people you experiment with whatever you can get your hands on, for me it was family female clothes (Yeah even now I still cringe at my younger self for wearing someone else's clothes...) but as I got older and earned a wage I bought my own feminine clothing once in a while before I would supress my feelings for years on end till the cycle started again.

Emotionally, I have always felt more feminine than male but again this was buried way down when in public and even to my family where I have always taken a don't hug me, or kiss me on the cheek policy, which is sad and depressing to me, it just seemed the more I kept people at a distance the easier it was to keep my emotions in-check less my female self be outed but also the harder it was mentally to break the cycle.

Appearance wise, I have always hated my body even tried working out you know to get more masculine, those moments were short lived though as I always came up with excuses to quit. The first time I shaved any part of my lower body was probably like 22 years ago now which were my legs. Tis only in the past 2 years where I have consistently shaved my legs and anywhere else hair resides it just makes me feel more in touch with myself feminine side. For the past 2 years that was me sort of stealthing I guess until I was ready to admit that I had Gender Identity issues.

So here I am typing to strangers on the internet and divulging some secrets from my past with the hopes that I can learn more about myself from reading you own experiences.

  Sorry for the Novel with random paragraphs, sometimes I just type what comes into my head.
 

                             Hugs and Kisses

                                                        Natasia  😊

Don't worry Natasia. This is your healing period. You have a right to seek normality. Whatever that is. It is such a great relief to get it all off our chests. It's been a year and a half and I still haven't had enough rants. Eventually you will decide the road you want to travel. Perhaps join a support group as I believe you don't have to wait to join them. Thankfully the ladies have lots of patience. And great advice. There are a number of ladies here from across the pond.   I found this information on line.  Hope it helps.

Transgender Support Programme in Glasgow & Lothian based upon the most successful parts of the previous Scottish TSS project:

Information & 1:1 support
Social events
Confidence building workshops
Transition support courses
Monthly newsletter
While the Lothian Transgender Support Programme events take place in Edinburgh, people are welcome to travel from other parts of Scotland to attend them.

Welcome from a half Scot in Blackpool

Welcome Natasia!  It is a great feeling to allow yourself to speak words that have always been silent.  To allow the thoughts flow through your comments, trying to find explanation for the fear we all feel.  I'm glad you have stopped lurking.  We all get support from everyone's experiences.

Hi Natasia I'm a 40 y/o trans-woman in Bedfordshire. I'm a little further through my transition and the GIC process,  and have been living full-time since last April.
Many of your words echo with me, and I also lurked here for many years until I think I was ready to admit to myself what was probably always true!

Good luck with everything, see you round!

Megan. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

Hi Natasia,

Welcome aboard!  I'm new here too. I'm 43 years old and at the start of my journey.  I have learned a hell of a lot reading the posts here as there seems to be people at every stage from questioning through to living full time and completing their transition.

One thing that DOES seem to be common (and please correct me if I'm wrong) is that those that choose to ignore the internal female feelings suffer and suffer a lot (I know I have).  They also seem to end up transitioning anyway many years later, but I think the whole concept of a full transition at the start is a truly wonderful thought but absolutely terrifying as this masculine 'shell' we have created for ourselves which we exist in in society is gradually stripped away leaving us naked and exposed as our real feminine selves. 

I don't know about where you live, but where I am (Staffordshire UK) exhibiting feminine traits is one of the biggest taboos you could ever commit and cross-dressers are regarded as perverts and akin to paedophiles and rapists.  Especially in working-class poor areas such as where I live.

People are ignorant and although we try to educate them, it will be a very long time before things change.

I too have not had any professional diagnosis either but have an appointment with my GP in 2 days to start things off.  In December I reached a point with my dysphoria where I could not eat, was crying a lot and having panic / anxiety attacks and felt like I was dying.  I could not bear the thought of living as a male and thought I could never practically transition so I was trapped. 

I hope you find peace with your true self and hope that the wonderful people on here ease the way for you.

Vicky xx