Quote from: Asakawa on January 12, 2018, 03:40:16 PM

So, Roll after stating all of that what do you want to be???

A girl, with or without the trans adjective.

(I should say I use the phrase "want to be" instead of "am" simply in this context as a distinction of physical progress. I don't put much personal stock into an internal male vs female divide in a Cartesian philosophical sense, as I believe I can't say what it feels like to be either a man or a woman, because I don't have the context of the other to compare it with and I generally don't like to declare absolutes I am not truly absolute about. As such, I consider myself simply me, whatever that may and choose not to dwell on what it means to "feel" x gender. However I know that in order to match how I feel I "should" look physically in the core of my being, I need to transition physically. As such, I am a bit agnostic on my internal feeling of gender but believe that all signs point it to being female if such an internal distinction does exist as many believe it does. Simple version: To be happy and live life I need to present binary female, and anything beyond that is academic in my mind and I try not to dwell on it besides speaking of it in the abstract philosophical sense.)

I have never met anyone exactly like that but if I did I doubt that I would be offended or anything. I have 2 friends that call themselves tomboys. One who transitioned and one a cis female and both of them really identify with that. I know one girl who identifies as a tough girl, she is great, not completely passable but works hard at it and EVERYONE just takes her for what she presents. There was an amazing drag performer at the last pride event, when I talked to him, he said that he loved being pretty, the glamor of dressing and putting on makeup. That it doesn't bother him if people think he is a girl sometimes but he never felt like a girl and would never transition.

People take their identifiers very seriously. Christians, liberals, elitists, hillbillies, stubborn, flexible, spontaneous, and the list goes on and on. Male and female. They can get touchy about it too. I identify as female, it doesn't take anything away from me if someone identifies as male but looks more female than me. Do I understand the way some people identify themselves? No, not even a little but it doesn't bother me either, we don't have to be best friends after all. Hahaha, I do actually have a bestie like that though. We were Skyping, I was cooking and she was busy cutting lengths of rope. She looked so funny with her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth a little, a tape measure, a knife and a bunch of rope scattered around the living room, I finally had to ask what in the world she was doing. She said that her bondage class teacher was very specific about rope length. I thought that she was submissive but apparently even they need to learn the ropes. 😉 I don't get that whole thing but I don't love her any less because of it.

We can be a little tolerant right? I do believe that for TRANSSEXUALS like me the battle is not gaining acceptance,  but getting people to see the distinction between us and the greater transgender umbrella. That doesn't mean we have to be intolerant though. Being accepting for us should be so much easier but sadly that is not always true.

Quote from: Devlyn Marie on January 12, 2018, 12:25:08 PM
I'm part male and sought to feminize my body, if that's what you mean.

Hugs, Devlyn

That is me too. It took a lot for me to admit (to myself) that I needed to be feminized yet still identify as male.
I'm keeping my beard but plan on losing another 15-30 pounds to get my weight down to 150 or 160 so I look even more feminine in my maleness.
The orchie will be my final step to feminization.
We are all different and we need to identify who we are and then go for that completion in what or how we need to look.
I have been fighting this for 55 years and now that the journey has started, I wonder why I took so long?
I have to admit that transition would have been far less acceptable 40 years ago.
We are living in much better times for us all.
AJ

Quote from: FinallyMichelle on January 12, 2018, 05:21:55 PM
She said that her bondage class teacher was very specific about rope length. I thought that she was submissive but apparently even they need to learn the ropes. 😉 I don't get that whole thing but I don't love her any less because of it.

Wait... bondage class is a thing? Wha... I... wait. ... What? ... I'm going to wander over here for a bit, I have to process this.

... I wonder what the grading curve is like.

These are all incredible responses! I am glad I asked. I was hesitant at first, but I was wondering if there were more people that felt the same way as I did. I still have a lot to learn, but I am glad that there are so many people that are open about this sort of thing . I'm glad I was not yelled at since it kind of was a controversial question.

As someone who identifies with having breasts and a vagina (female body), as being sexually female, who would love to be pregnant and bear life (though not ready for full motherhood, but surrogacy would do at least ), and who is drawn into being a wife and girlfriend more, I can't ever agree with that.

When my 1st wife wanted a divorce, I fought for and won custody of my two very young boys.
I was mother and father to them and I enjoyed both roles.
I fought for custody to protect them from things that happened to me when I was under 10 years of age.
My mother is in part, the reason for my need for feminization.
She repeatedly told me that I was supposed to be her girl and then early in my childhood she took a whole bottle of sleeping pills in front of me trying to commit suicide. My childish mind thought that if I got rid of my male junk, she would never try that again.
I am loving the breast development and the testosterone suppression and when the orchie happens in September, I will be a more complete version of myself.
As a single parent for many years, I thought it was horrible when the boys went to their absent Mom's when I was their true Mom.
I hated puberty and saw that as the end of my childhood which I enjoyed because before that, I was the same as girls.
After puberty, I was forced into maleness and all of the mind-crap & physical stuff that men are.
I am a hybrid, an asexual blend of both sexes.

Quote from: Roll on January 12, 2018, 07:55:05 PM
Wait... bondage class is a thing? Wha... I... wait. ... What? ... I'm going to wander over here for a bit, I have to process this.

... I wonder what the grading curve is like.

Yes it is. Tristan uses Shibari to restrain me. It's a form of very elaborate bondage. I asked him how he learned to do it and he did actually take classes for it. I doubt it's offered at the community college but it is a thing. I don't know about the grading curve but when you take the classes you bring a partner to do it on. That would have been his ex. That could be why they broke up. Lol, I'm joking.

Stating myself to be a masculinized female (from the other perspective) would be counter-productive to the whole point of transition. I would be immediately thought of either as a crossdresser, or a non-binary person, or someone who can't "pick a side", and would be afterwards treated like one instead of the goal which is not to be. I know this because both men and women routinely treat tomboys and masculine women as closer to women than men. 

The whole point of going through all this rigmarole of transition is to cross to the other side, and not be constantly reminded of the one I came from by others...

Thanks for starting this. It reflects much the same conflict in myself that I am trying to work through.  I followed some of you who seem to be in a similar, nonbinary space, hope you don't mind.  More later, gotta get going to the snowy mountains!

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Although I am not on HRT, sometimes both men and women admire my beauty as a woman like "You have nice leg lines" and "You are so much slim". But some women add like "You are anyway a man". I feel like I am a kind of faked woman.

I can tell whether a man considers me as a man or a woman by the glitter of his eyes. Women tend to be closer to me physically, sometimes touching me easily and sometimes even grasping my shoulders or hands, once they see me as a woman.

And some women I first meet tend to be blunt and even rude to me, but they suddenly become very kind to me with a big smile with relief, once they hear my low, manly voice. As those women are not jealous of me at all and do not think me as their potential competitor, they like to talk with me. They tend to be more friendly to me than to other women.

Both men and women tend to treat me as a woman, but they know well that I am a man. Also many people assume that I am unmarried, but are surprised when they know I have 3 kids.

I have no objection to people's responses to me, as I think and accept that I am unique. A merit of my uniqueness is that I do not need a name card to introduce myself. People remember me too well. As long as the perception of me is positive, it does not matter so much whether they consider me as a man or a woman.

barbie~~

QuoteMy mother is in part, the reason for my need for feminization.
She repeatedly told me that I was supposed to be her girl and then early in my childhood she took a whole bottle of sleeping pills in front of me trying to commit suicide. My childish mind thought that if I got rid of my male junk, she would never try that again.

That is a very rough childhood. I'm sorry to hear things were like that for you . Was ever becoming a girl something that was in you before your mom said anything like that? I'm so happy to hear you were able to keep your children and able to provide them on top of being a double parent for them. That is something not many people can do.

QuoteThe whole point of going through all this rigmarole of transition is to cross to the other side, and not be constantly reminded of the one I came from by others.../quote]

Why is that though? Can't we be proud from where we came from? From the other side? It is kind of our origin too. I wonder, if society as a whole was very accepting and maybe even worshiping of a male transition to a female yet still remaining in a male role... would we still feel the stigma that we feel from 'knowing' where we came from? When we are reminded of it by others?

Quote from: Asakawa on January 13, 2018, 11:25:36 PM
That is a very rough childhood. I'm sorry to hear things were like that for you . Was ever becoming a girl something that was in you before your mom said anything like that? I'm so happy to hear you were able to keep your children and able to provide them on top of being a double parent for them. That is something not many people can do.

QuoteThe whole point of going through all this rigmarole of transition is to cross to the other side, and not be constantly reminded of the one I came from by others.../quote]

Why is that though? Can't we be proud from where we came from? From the other side? It is kind of our origin too. I wonder, if society as a whole was very accepting and maybe even worshiping of a male transition to a female yet still remaining in a male role... would we still feel the stigma that we feel from 'knowing' where we came from? When we are reminded of it by others?

My dysphoria is a little different. I actually need to be rid of the testosterone and the testicles. If the testicles are removed along with the scrotum, I will no longer need (or be able) to attack, abuse and try to kill them. I needed to stop 55 years of self-abuse to prevent a possible accident that could cause me to bleed out. Castration will give me the smooth look I need to see between my legs. I love that erections are rare and the sex drive is now controllable.

I hated puberty and the maleness that it brought. I am loving having gotten rid of the male smell by blocking with spiro. My deodorant needs are now far less and I like that. So, in getting rid of the testicles, I need a hormone to protect my mind and bones. Since I hate testosterone, my hormone has to be estrogen which offers the plus of getting some feminine breasts and some estrogen based body changes.

I never fully identified as "one of the boys" and I avoided any kind of "packing up" like animals that boys & men do. That "packing up" causes stupidity and males do things they wouldn't or shouldn't normally do if alone. I was always different and I envied the girls and wanted to play with them. As a boy, I had to fit in with the boys and I was jealous of the few feminine boys who were allowed to act girly and play with the girls.

My world of alcoholic, tough roll model men would never had allowed me to be feminine. I played 4 years of football even though I disliked the roughness of the game. My dad demanded it as he had to have his son involved in that "manly" sport.

I always felt like an outsider, neither accepted by males or females - a lone wolf but a fairly successful one. I was always a leader, probably because I was smart and was possibly perceived as aloof. That aloofness was really my dysphoria of not fitting in. Every place I worked, I was promoted to management so in that respect I had favor by being a male. So, the dysphoria worked to my advantage for most of my life but I would always feel fake and sabotage my success.

On my hormone regimen, I feel women are nicer to and more open me. I fell more comfortable when interacting with cis-women. My concentration is much improved as my ADD symptoms are lessened quite a bit. I wrote a book about my life, my counselors have all read it and tell me it explains a lot. I have a sequel to it in process. I hope it sells well as the proceeds will go toward helping others like us.
AJ

I identify as myself, labels are really subjective and I find confining.  I used to try to find something I could be part of, changing myself to fit in better as that label and ultimately failed and felt miserable.  The label "man" does not fit me, I have been informed multiple times how it does not apply to me.  Men are supposed to do this, men are supposed to do that, and of course the guilt from others to try to force me into that label.  I have grown tired of it. 

Being a woman comes with it's own host of demands in our society, some of which I could never fulfill (chromosome argument) and likewise it is a label that would be confining to me, I know people would say real women do such and such, behave in such and such a way, and just as I have been doing all of my life, I would have to put on a mask to fill this society's version of what a woman is. 

I am not excitable enough to be considered effeminate, most of my emotions have been covered by a stoic mask to conceal them out of fear.  It is pretty noticeable by most people, I am like a statue until they have gained my trust.

I don't get upset by how people wish to identify themselves, for example if a white person wants to identify as black (or vise vera), I don't go into a fit of rage, demanding they stay within the confines of their socially accepted race.  I don't get upset at otherkins, and try to put them in their place.  If someone wants to identify as a feminized male, then all of the power to them.  None of these people's identity have any impact on me.

I'm exhausted from a life of trying to fit in with others, as something I am not.  I want to be a woman on a physical level, it is a primal desire that exists, almost as though if there were a soul it is as though it were placed in the wrong body.  Something that is incredibly hard for me to express, much like any emotion is difficult to explain down to it's roots and origins.  I don't know of any label that encompasses it fully, transsexual works on a certain level because it is vague enough to fit me. 

I'm really not sure, identity really confuses me at times.  The way people use identity labels to control one another's behavior bothers me, I like to think we are all individuals, with a lot of different traits, none of us quite fit into any label perfectly.  In my mind, if the world were stripped of identity labels, there would be a lot less demand on all of us, and people would be more free to be themselves without others telling them how a real <label> does such and such    But, I'm kind of weird like that. 

Sorry for the ultra long, pointless post. 

Quote from: zamber74 on January 14, 2018, 09:30:15 AM
I identify as myself, labels are really subjective and I find confining.  I used to try to find something I could be part of, changing myself to fit in better as that label and ultimately failed and felt miserable.  The label "man" does not fit me, I have been informed multiple times how it does not apply to me.  Men are supposed to do this, men are supposed to do that, and of course the guilt from others to try to force me into that label.  I have grown tired of it. 
.....

Sorry for the ultra long, pointless post.

Not pointless at all. I find your response and logic enlightening. When we drop the "tags" of life and how we are supposed to act or look, we then become whole, genuine and who we are.
Thank you..

Quote from: barbie on January 13, 2018, 07:48:25 PM
Although I am not on HRT, sometimes both men and women admire my beauty as a woman like "You have nice leg lines" and "You are so much slim". But some women add like "You are anyway a man". I feel like I am a kind of faked woman.

I can tell whether a man considers me as a man or a woman by the glitter of his eyes. Women tend to be closer to me physically, sometimes touching me easily and sometimes even grasping my shoulders or hands, once they see me as a woman.

And some women I first meet tend to be blunt and even rude to me, but they suddenly become very kind to me with a big smile with relief, once they hear my low, manly voice. As those women are not jealous of me at all and do not think me as their potential competitor, they like to talk with me. They tend to be more friendly to me than to other women.

Both men and women tend to treat me as a woman, but they know well that I am a man. Also many people assume that I am unmarried, but are surprised when they know I have 3 kids.

I have no objection to people's responses to me, as I think and accept that I am unique. A merit of my uniqueness is that I do not need a name card to introduce myself. People remember me too well. As long as the perception of me is positive, it does not matter so much whether they consider me as a man or a woman.

barbie~~

You look so much like a real woman Barbie and you are not even on HRT. Is there any reason why you have not started a HRT regimen? I think you look great as is. I think that all the compliments you get are fully deserved because you have a feminine body. Since you are not on HRT does that mean you usually use forms for bras? I'm just curious sorry to ask. It's nice to see that you are so accepting of yourself and that you have a feminine body . Also, the behavior from women that you receive is really interesting. I think you are very lucky to be in a position that let's you see so many things in a different perspective!

QuoteOn my hormone regimen, I feel women are nicer to and more open me. I fell more comfortable when interacting with cis-women. My concentration is much improved as my ADD symptoms are lessened quite a bit. I wrote a book about my life, my counselors have all read it and tell me it explains a lot. I have a sequel to it in process. I hope it sells well as the proceeds will go toward helping others like us.

It's nice to hear that your transition is helping you love yourself more than you would have otherwise done so. Your life story sounds very tragic it's always sad that people's life can be so difficult sometimes. I think all our lives have difficulty, but some have it very rough. This kind of reminds me of my ex-gf and how after I shared with her that I was trans she said that she did not want to hear the whole story because she knew that tans live's tend to be very tragic. Funny, because she always shared with me all of her troubles with her family and friends and I always listened.

I really hope your book helps others in a similar situation that need help AJ .

I identify as female; it defines me. I stated I was male for a period of my life because I was made to or was afraid to be me, but that time is gone.

I have a few friends that are they. They explain being both male and female genders. Sort of orbiting around two planets, one male and the other female. Both are MTF and had GCS, breasts and long hair and wore female cloths. They would explain using the men's room and not taking HRT for a while as feeling they identified as male during that period. It was tough on them as they look female and had changed all their documents.

The trainer I use to go to is Madam Midge. She is a really tough trainer and would school you if you wanted that experience; I do not. Although I never have been exposed to it so perhaps it would be a good experience.

When I looked at pics of Peter I could feel his pain coming though the pics. At least that is my perception of the pics as time passed.

If someone wants to identify as male and feminize go for it.

Quote from: Asakawa on January 14, 2018, 01:33:16 PM
Is there any reason why you have not started a HRT regimen?

Yes. It happened about 8 years ago.

The surgeon is very famous here as he has successfully conducted SRS for several hundred patients.

After talking with me for about 15 mins, he said he can not prescribe HRT for me without approval of my wife, because I said clearly to him 1) I do not want divorce, 2) my kids are the most important object in my life.


https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,71775.0.html

barbie~~

Do they even give you hormones if you say you're male? I doubt it.

This is probably a very controversial and taboo topic but I think cisgender people should be able to have GRS.

As a mtf, I know it's hard to be a woman. Sometimes I passively think it would be easier if I stayed a boy. I'd still want a vagina but then I'd also want long hair and a feminine face lol

I just get it. Even as a "boy" I wanted a vagina. Only recent maybe in the past 2 years or so I started wearing makeup. I still don't like makeup much. I do like being feminine but the attention from men is really crazy. I'm not saying I'm the most attractive but it can be a lot sometimes.


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