Explain the situation with your employer.

I used a sports bra, undershirt and dress shirt and that was good. I was an A cup before my BA.

Today I was having a meal with others in full cis guy mode in a dress shirt and it was a good time with good food.  I did not think my shirt was too tight, I thought it was rather baggy.  However one guy mentioned that I was pushing out and pointy up there.  I did not say anything, I just shook my head and we all laughed and they mentioned that I was not wearing a sweater like the rest of them to keep warm.

However afterwards I did take a closer look while sitting and I now realize that I should wear looser work clothing, not this shirt.  I have to take a medicine that for guys that can cause moobs and mine are def. in the rounded B size now.  So perhaps some hiding is needed!

I am not transitioning or go out as a woman but I do enjoy a more fluid androgynous look at times.  Sometimes I notice others doing extended looks at me when I am in a more androgynous look, esp. when I do not wear a loose top.  I have not hidden them, such as wearing bras, and so on.  In a way, it is fun to notice them looking, but perhaps not fun at all if I knew what they were thinking as they were looking!  Sometimes I wonder what I would look like up there if they did get bigger, I guess I would need to compress them perhaps with one of those male medical bras.

I am not attracted to males at all.  I think I share some male and female gender characteristics, and I do not wish to be out with makeup or in a dress or heels.  I do enjoy pastels, softer fabrics, and I get emotional.  I enjoy lots of male things too.  I am still a guy and do not wish to be a woman.  I am much more attuned though now to my fem side.  Will I change to be something more like many of you here?  Who knows.  I do emphathize with so many posters and their specific situations and I am learning a lot here.  Thanks much.

Hugs!

  Hi  Chrissy,

  I'm Laurie, I read your post and the first thing I notice is you've chosen to use both a female name and a male name combined with the female one first. Most cis guys would not do that. I also get a feeling that you are questioning your gender a little. Again cis folk do not do that . It doesn't enter their minds to do it, that's because they know who and what they are. It isn't that easy for us though, we question or know that we are not in the right bodies for who we feel that we might be or are sure we are in the wrong body. You may easily be  non-binary and comfortable as a male sometime and female at others. Or gender fluid where  how you feel can flow in the spectrum between the two ends as the circumstances change. Whatever you are you are welcome here.
  I see that you are new here. So please let me say, Welcome To Susan's Place! Come on in and take a good look around.  Perhaps I can even get you to hop on over to the Introductions Thread and  create a post to tell us a little bit more about yourself so we can get to know you a little better and greet you properly. I'll add some links and information below that can help you get more out of our site. Please take time to become familiar with them especially the RED one as we are always getting questions that are answered there.
 
Laurie
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Hi AlyssaJ,

There are schedules like yours, with set dates, and timelines, where you go from A to B to C etc and react accordingly to all the unforeseen circumstances that come along, like your unexpected growth; although at 9 months HRT your growth isn't much in the first place, if you ask me.  At 5 months I'm at about the same point breast-wise.  Genetics/build/random chance are all factors of course, along with delivery method/dosage.

Are your eyebrows permanently like that, or was that a temporary change for the camera?  Because if you look like that at work I think you already definitely lean towards female in appearance, and a bit of show in the upper chest would fit right in.  Saying goodbye to anything form fitting will downplay things for the time being; my work and drab clothes are really ill fitting so no one picks up as of yet, and people don't actively obsess over things like this, we get super paranoid about what others think but they have plenty else on their mind.

Seems to me there's a whole battery of things you can do to lean back in the masculine direction, clothes, and also just acting more like a dude.     Maybe.

Your having to bear what your clients will think is a toughy, though.  Hope you find a solution.

As others have said you can always blame manboobs on a touch of cancer, or working out.  Although why your arms would get thin and your pecs start to stick out is a bit of a puzzler... 

Where I work, there are many older guys with huge moons... no one gives a second thought. There are plenty reasons (medical and otherwise) why a guy is getting boobs. If he isn't showing any other androgynous traits or behaviors, no one would give a second thought. (And if he does, he'll be judged because of those and not because of the size of the boobs alone).

I was wearing d-size breast forms during day in full guys mode once (for fun, or for 'testing' myself if I could live with them if I start taking E)... so I went full day around to a countryside full of rednecks wearing very visible volumes. But again - those were the only things, the rest of me had no traces of androgyny. I was confident, looked everyone in the eyes, smiled and did not even try to hide them or act anything out of normal. _no_ one ever said anything rude to me, although I've been sirred a lot (as one might expect in a redneck countryside). It was a fun day and a great experience.


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People don't notice much if you redirect attention (ie not shaving or wearing male clothes). Its getting harder now, but for the first three months its pretty easy to hide.

My point is that there is no need to hide anything. If anyone questions, just say - 'yeah, medical condition', (or 'I need to take a medication that gives me this side effect, but I need to take it or I will die'), but don't act embarrassed and people will not care

I measured C, but I have to imagine I'm closer to a B cup... Still hiding successfully, however I'm overweight and had a small set before hrt anyway, so people probably think nothing of it if they notice.

Oh yeah im getting a little bit nervous about this as well. 😆 lol I have a c cup breasts and getting very feminine. 😆 I've been wearing a sports bra to work with a tank top under my work shirts to cover up. 😆 so far you can notice my breast if I only wear a t shirt i couldn't hide it from anyone  .so I just have to get used to it from now on. 😆 lol haha.  Even my daughter said to me dad what the hell is that? ? 😆  I just said that im getting fat and chubby  but sooner or later I'm going to be noticed everywhere I go. 😆

Where's AlyssaJ these days? Haven't seen her for a while.

Laurie,

That was such a sweet and thoughtful reply.  You gave me some things to think about.
I should post an introduction but I am really not all that interesting, some of the people here sure have amazing transitional experiences or tough life struggles and many here have clearly defined life goals. 

Perhaps I am a gender fence rider or simply want to be on one side of the gender fence more at times than at others but I am overall satisfied with being a guy.  I have a strong desire to typically present my male self. 

Sometimes I wonder why I tuck my hair behind my ears and run my fingers through my thick hair and twirl it at times.  The best explanation is because I like doing it.  Deeper thought has me remembering some attractive women who did this and when it was not annoying to watch, it was entrancing to watch.  Maybe there is a connection there, but far more more likely to the women with pretty hands in their gorgeous hair than a desire to be a woman.

Bye for now.  Thanks Laurie.

I wear a jacket all the time at work, but off work, Hawaiian shirts and present as an androgynous male. Just not able to transition at my current job and home environment yet. Been on hrt for the past 5 years.  I'm somewhat overweight and have long hair. I would say at the 3 1/2 year mark, is when I hit the point of no return aka no more vneck/crew neck tshirts and dress/work ->-bleeped-<-s only. I have to double layer them, and baggy too.

Very good point! I was in a somewhat similar situation: I only spend a few days every year in HQ and rarely meet coworkers since I work home office. But I spend at least one week every month at customers. Lucky for me it was only a limited number and with most I was not worried. Only one I worried about was a strongly religious organization.

One lady at my main customer busted me about 8 month before coming out publicly. She just noticed I was wearing more and more female attire and shoes, along with nail polish. A month before coming to, I called one of their VP's and let him know, he even followed up with their HR department (which funny enough has no jurisdiction over me). On my next visit I told the rest of the group. Many hugs and encouraging words, and they where just happy I did not quit my job. Took them a while but right before the holidays, they had updated all their internal systems and issued a new badge for me. They also invited me into their pride group.

The second large customer I just included in my coming out email. No issues either and I got a new badge on my next visit :-)

The religious group I pretty much handed over to a coworker (before I even started transition) but I have talked to some individuals since and they are all fine with it too.

I had to turn down one project in the middle east, but my manager fully understood when I told him that I would fear about my own safety.

I do have to admit that it is somewhat easy for me, the industry I work in is generally very accepting

I will add one new customer this year, but now that I am all Sarah all the time, I don't expect much problems.


Very cool of your work to actually hire a consultant to help craft the message! Very nice to see an employer really taking care of you and valuing your work...

Quote from: AlyssaJ on July 12, 2017, 09:36:42 AM


Well it isn't about being dishonest, but trying to avoid letting the cat out of the bag in a way that I (and my employer) do not have control of the message.  My concern isn't with co-workers.  Heck I hardly see them anyway and yeah I would have opportunity to explain like you have above. 

My concern is our clients who I meet with pretty regularly. My company is investing a lot of money in a consultant to help them craft the message about my transition to our clients.  This is being done both in the interests of the company and well as my own. If a client notices something like breast development before they're aware of my transition, the response is a total unknown.  They could respectfully keep quiet about it and just assume I have some medical issue.  That would be a fine scenario.  However, my concern is the other very possible response which is they keep quiet to my face but it colors their opinion of me and/or my company in some negative way resulting in a loss of business or poor treatment of me personally.  While we can't control how a client will react, controlling the initial message helps prevent poor reactions where possible (some people will just be closed-minded jerks no matter what).

So hence my concern.  Now of course I could just be blowing all of this out of proportion and loose dress shirts will hide things sufficiently until I start full-time, but I want to be prepared.  I really wasn't expecting anyone to notice yet so when my wife asked, it took me back a bit.

That is a very nice story Sarah1972, and I love your avitar!

I was wondering if any of you could suggest some TG tests to take that might shed some light if one is non binary, gender fluid, or even maybe specifically MTF TG.  Not so blatant as "You will not be content with your gender image unless you have breasts and a feminine figure and live as a woman, and if this is not so, you are likely binary gendered."   

I guess maybe counseling is another vehicle.  But it would not be like counselling a lot of you do as part of transitioning, or would it?  I mean, you already know what you want, you are determined and clear.  This counseling would be just to help figure things out.   Whatever the results, the person must ultimately decide what the next steps are.   

Taking each day one at a time...

Chrissy

Tests are useless, talks with a councilor, be it a gender therapist, respected pastor or a trusted friend might help to realize what _you_ want and maybe provide different perspective.

But in the end, only you must figure out what you want to do with your life


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Quote from: ChrissyRyan on January 17, 2018, 04:49:35 PM
I guess maybe counseling is another vehicle.  But it would not be like counselling a lot of you do as part of transitioning, or would it?  I mean, you already know what you want, you are determined and clear.  This counseling would be just to help figure things out.   Whatever the results, the person must ultimately decide what the next steps are.   

You'll see lots of recommendations on this site to see a gender therapist.  That's what it is referring to: a counsellor who will help you figure things out.

Once we've figured it out and know what we want, we have to see them a couple more times to get referral letters and stuff, but most of the work is figuring it out.

So, yes, if you are still searching for answers, seeing a therapist is one of the best things you can do.

Hi everyone    I am thinking serious about Estrogen, but don't have plans to come out at work.   I am early 50s, 5 foot 11 inches and about 175 pounds.   

I am worried about breast development and outing myself. 

Do you have further thoughts about how long you can hide them?

And do you have other technics for hiding beyond sports bras?   Ie shape wear.   I am a hugger at work and a bra would out me. 

Thanks

Karen

Mine were never really small to begin with (a legacy of low t and being over weight) so it was 3-4 months in a female colleague pointed out that a bra might be a good idea. Since I wasn't trying to hide anything anyway I just went with it. They are c cup now after 1 year and 3 months on hrt and given all  the other changes trying to pass as a man would be stupid at this point. I did find sports bras did help a bit if you wanted to minimise.

Would a "thinning waist belt" worn higher, over the breasts, hold them in?
Maybe that is like a binder!

Chrissy

Hide them in plain sight. If somebody asks, just say it's a side effect of a medication your taking. You would even be telling the truth because your treating Gender Dysphoria and the side effect is that it feminizes your body.