Quote from: Sophia Sage on January 15, 2018, 06:07:33 AM
Transsexing was next.
For me, that involved moving to a new location and practicing non-disclosure. Developing new female friendships. Getting a boyfriend. Getting a new job. Developing new interests (and exploring a few older ones, too). Regardless, it was all social. Being out in the world, just as another woman, learning what it really means to be a woman in this day and age.
Learning what it meant to be myself.
First time poster here - I pretty much took the same route as you after my SRS in late 2003 with regards to non- disclosure. I was tired of the whole "out and proud thing" (especially since I transitioned in a workplace with 700 people - most of whom knew me, since my job as a Quality Engineer put me in touch with a lot of people). Sure I had a lot of people who supported me, but there was all too often that air of that I wasn't a woman (which I of course am), but a "trans". There was also the hassle I'd had, where I was almost fired 3 months before my surgery for getting seen leaving a seldom used Ladies Room (the HR manager [who had worked at a company, where he had experience with another pre-op MTF, and as a result, knew what he could get away with legally], wouldn't let me use the Ladies Rooms, or even designate a Unisex bathroom, forcing me to use a Men's Room, that had the lowest usage). I told myself before my SRS, that I would leave my old workplace on MY terms not theirs (I was not about to quit in a huff [like an old friend of mine did in 2000], and wind up destitute). This became an even stronger internal chant for me when I went back to work in January 2004, to be told that there was now a Unisex bathroom I could use, but that I still couldn't use the Ladies Room (ugh!). So, in short I put the job search into high gear, and waved bye-bye to my old job (surprisingly, my coworkers threw a pizza party for me on my final day of work!), taking a job in another city, that I still have today.
As others have mentioned, SRS is just a goal in life (albeit probably the most important one to us). After you have it done, life still goes on. How driven you are by other goals, depends upon your personality. Me? I still have goals, though with my long work hours, lack of time, energy, and money, they are tempered by realism. For instance:
1. I'd love to find Mr. Right, but hey I was 40, when I finally (barely) had the money for my SRS to be done, and once you hit 40 (and even moreso at my present age of 54), dating and marriage (it would be the first time for me - I've never been married) can get tough. All too often it seems like unmarried guys my age are either gay or they're creeps. Still, in recent times, I find that I am once again contemplating getting back in the dating game, despite the slim pickings.
2. Ye Olde FFS - while I look OK (passing was not much of a problem for me), I wouldn't mind looking better. Last month I even paid Dr. Zukowski a visit (he's just a 75 mile drive from me), and was quoted what it would cost for me to have major FFS (above and beyond the nose job and trachea shave I had when I had my SRS) . It's doable but for mega financial pain for me. Also, as I alluded to earlier, I've been working at my present job stealth for almost 14 years. Considering the hullabaloo that occurred back in early 2014, when got I severe dermatitis (one of my coworkers said I looked like a burn victim - my dermatitis is immune system based, since I've had it occur at places all over my body if I touch an allergen), that resulted in a misdiagnosis (after a secondary flare-up of dermatitis) of scabies (my primary care doctor made the diagnosis [I couldn't get in to see my dermatologist]), that I inadvertently told my coworkers about, and they blabbed out to umpteen different people (which raised enough of a ruckus that I got called into the facility manager's office for a major chewing out), do I want to try to deal with explaining to people at work, why I look like the victim of a major car crash after having FFS? Not so sure about that. I have to do a lot of thinking about it. I can't afford to get fired from my job, because of a mega ruckus caused by me having FFS.
There are other goals/things that I'd love to do, but hey, l need to be realistic about those too. I think most of us realize that with regards to goals once we are post-op.
In short though (after a long, rambling intro/talking about my goals in the context of the thread), I do feel I need at least some goals in life post-surgery (even if it's something relatively minor, like saving for another guitar), after all (and probably most of us who had SRS are like this) I don't want to just drone/coast my way through life, since I'm still kind of a driven person personality-wise (IMO, you have to have a driving personality, to achieve having SRS, considering how much effort it takes financially to afford it).
My 2 cents worth,
Ellen
