*I'm sorry if I say anything wrong, I just don't know how to describe what I'm feeling very well yet, I've only just recently (in the last month or so) even begun trying to figure things out to myself.

I'm 19 just finished the first year of uni, but I'm going through this really hard stage. So just as a bit of background for a long time (all through high school and a through my first year of uni) Now, I know at times I've hated my body, and at times even not liked being a male, during high school, I just thought it was stuff everyone thought of. But now in uni, I'm beginning to think that I might be transgender. I'm scared about discussing it with any friends just yet because I don't know how to explain it and I don't want them to treat me any different. Anyway, It's not like I completely hate being a man, but for as long as I can remember, I've always felt I guess jealous of all my female friends, or as I walk by stores looking at cool girls clothes that I wanted that I dunno aesthetic. In video games, I always choose to play as female characters because I for some reason feel more connected to them and I'm able to become immersed more. And for other examples, currently, in uni, I'm studying acting. And whenever I've had to play female characters, I've felt more confident and happy. And now recently after actually allowing these feelings to come to the surface more, I've even begun changing in my dreams, in dreams I'm not a man I'm a woman. And again I feel confident, strong, happy. Hell, even one friend that I have told that I've been having questions about my gender bought me a small makeup kit, and as soon as I made myself look somewhat more feminine I felt the same feelings. But I'm conflicted. While through all this I love working out, I love looking at my own muscles as I dance. I don't know what that means. Recently when I think to myself that I am trans I feel freer, but then I just don't know what it means, I'm scared that if I am, what does it mean for my career as an actor, and I'm scared what my girlfriend will say.

So I guess in short,
Should I discuss things with my girlfriend and my friends?
Should I start experimenting with my looks more?
And what do you think I should do from here, what does it mean?

You didn't say anything wrong, sweetie, and you've certainly come to the right place. *big hugs* Trust me, most of this stuff can be a big confusing mess at the start. You're certainly not alone with feeling this way.

The thing you should do, if you can, is look for a therapist who specialises in gender issues. And tell them what you've told us. As hard as it is to hear this, hon, most of those answers are ones you can only come to from inside you. I wish there was a checklist that could tell you who you were or what it all meant. It would certainly make life a whole lot simpler. Talk things over with them if you can, sweetie. And maybe they'll help you work out for yourself what it all means.

I will say that the things you've talked about, are very common themes here. Have a look around the forums, at other folks' stories, and see if anything resonates with you. You're very welcome here and you've found a place where you won't be judged for who you are. So stay a while if you want, and have a read about what other folks are going through, see how you feel. And don't be afraid to ask questions or join in on discussions, okay?

It's up to you, really. I thing you shouldn't be scared to discuss your dreams and wishes with your good friends and especially with your girlfriend. But if you do so, you might lose them. Are they worth keeping at the cost of hiding your true feelings about yourself? Would you rather wait until your girlfriend becomes your wife to open her eyes that you are not who she married? In my opinion, the more open you are, the less you'll be scared of someone finding the truth. But it's up to you to live your life.

Welcome!

It IS a confusing time to realize you might be transgender. I was confused for 10 years.

As said, you should think about being open. You might lose friends or girlfriend. But if you lose them...you don't need them. In that case they don't like the real you.

A gender therapist can help you take the steps of coming out.


Tony

You said a lot of stuff that kinda sounds like my background story. Jealous of girls cause of the the pretty clothes they get to wear, only playing female characters in games, dream where everything becomes great when i transform into a woman, and not really feeling like I hated being man. I was in denial about for 30 years. I'm not saying that you are in the same boat though. Could just be you feel more connected to woman or dislike stereotypes or want to cross dress or you feel like both a girl and a guy. But you won't know if you don't explore things. There is a chance you could lose some friends or your girlfriend by talking about this with them. But there is a chance you'll become closer because of it. And not knowing how people feel about you, can hurt more than losing them.

And just a side note, there is more than one way to be a girl. I know a girl that is a body builder and loves wearing shiny and flowery dresses.

Hi, Daisy!

Welcome to Susan's.

It certainly sounds like you might be transgender.  Your description sounds a lot like me.  But I put up with that feeling for 60 years before I did something about it.  I don't recommend leaving it that long!

Does your university have a student counselling service?  They may have a gender therapist on staff, or would at least be able to refer you to one.  Talking to a therapist would be the best way to explore your feelings and start making plans.  Or perhaps there is an LGBT organization on campus where you can make connections and obtain information.


Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Quote from: Sephirah on January 15, 2018, 09:46:56 PM
You didn't say anything wrong, sweetie, and you've certainly come to the right place. *big hugs* Trust me, most of this stuff can be a big confusing mess at the start. You're certainly not alone with feeling this way.

The thing you should do, if you can, is look for a therapist who specialises in gender issues. And tell them what you've told us. As hard as it is to hear this, hon, most of those answers are ones you can only come to from inside you. I wish there was a checklist that could tell you who you were or what it all meant. It would certainly make life a whole lot simpler. Talk things over with them if you can, sweetie. And maybe they'll help you work out for yourself what it all means.

I will say that the things you've talked about, are very common themes here. Have a look around the forums, at other folks' stories, and see if anything resonates with you. You're very welcome here and you've found a place where you won't be judged for who you are. So stay a while if you want, and have a read about what other folks are going through, see how you feel. And don't be afraid to ask questions or join in on discussions, okay?

Thank you for the welcome, I've felt very safe here since I found the site, and reading others stories is definitely helping me figure things out. And in a lot of others, their experiences are definitely resonating with me, which is both really comforting and somewhat scary, as I don't really know what to do from here. I think now I want to experiment more, only I just don't really know how to do that, would you recommend going to a Gender therapist?

Quote from: KathyLauren on January 16, 2018, 05:48:45 AM
Hi, Daisy!

Welcome to Susan's.

It certainly sounds like you might be transgender.  Your description sounds a lot like me.  But I put up with that feeling for 60 years before I did something about it.  I don't recommend leaving it that long!

Does your university have a student counselling service?  They may have a gender therapist on staff, or would at least be able to refer you to one.  Talking to a therapist would be the best way to explore your feelings and start making plans.  Or perhaps there is an LGBT organization on campus where you can make connections and obtain information.


Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Yeah, they have counsellers but I've been going to this place next to my uni Headspace, it offers free counseling, though they don't specialize in gender I think, I'll have to ask. You said you don't recommend leaving it that long, and that really hit me, and after thinking over it but I just don't know how to experiment to see how I feel. What should I do to try things out? I'm a bit worried wearing different clothes and stuff because of uni.

Welcome Daisy.  For the most part there are a handful of not too wacky people around here that will come up with a tidbit of wisdom to help you along.  And one was already given so i will second it.  Find a Gender Therapist.  On campus, off campus.  There is one nearby by and because of that they will be more affordable than at any time of your life and will help you immensely in figuring out your questions.
How much you dress feminine around school can be easy.  There are many clothes that are not very feminine or androgynous but still sized and cut for women that no one will notice.  So you can experiment without wearing a skirt to class if you are that concerned.  Also try to wear some makeup, shave the hairy parts of your body (it feels wonderful), nail polish - even clear, grow hair out.  Many small options for you to consider as you try on feminine life. You don't have to go Full Monty Girl, so to speak.
And Congratulations about asking these questions now.  Many around here are a lot older than you and we are only recently coming ot grips with this demon.  and more than a few wish we had dealt with it earlier.
Enjoy, be honest, ask for help.  Then one day you wont have those questions any more.  You will move on being very comfortable in your skin.

Quote from: JulieOnHerWay on January 17, 2018, 08:37:20 PM
Welcome Daisy.  For the most part there are a handful of not too wacky people around here that will come up with a tidbit of wisdom to help you along.  And one was already given so i will second it.  Find a Gender Therapist.  On campus, off campus.  There is one nearby by and because of that they will be more affordable than at any time of your life and will help you immensely in figuring out your questions.
How much you dress feminine around school can be easy.  There are many clothes that are not very feminine or androgynous but still sized and cut for women that no one will notice.  So you can experiment without wearing a skirt to class if you are that concerned.  Also try to wear some makeup, shave the hairy parts of your body (it feels wonderful), nail polish - even clear, grow hair out.  Many small options for you to consider as you try on feminine life. You don't have to go Full Monty Girl, so to speak.
And Congratulations about asking these questions now.  Many around here are a lot older than you and we are only recently coming ot grips with this demon.  and more than a few wish we had dealt with it earlier.
Enjoy, be honest, ask for help.  Then one day you wont have those questions any more.  You will move on being very comfortable in your skin.

Thanks! I will definitely take that advice, I actually hadn't thought of wearing feminine cut clothes, so I will definitely have to try it out. As well as the growing the hair out a bit more and the makeup stuff

And more advice.  Because you are just starting out and probably a thrifty college student seek out the thrift stores.  We are behind the learning curve that girls went through in their teens with mothers too, so to not make too many mistakes finding your style, buy thrift store treasures.  That way after you figure out they don't fit or it is just so NOT you you are not out a lot of money. Don't worry about the help clocking you either.  You are probably not their first TG girl of the day and most are there for the money, not to judge you.

I might suggest to find a 'gay' bar - not too far, but not on campus. Then dress it all the way and see if it is fun. Gay bars are generally very safe places to hang, and 'straight' people tend to avoid them like wolves avoid fire.

I won't count on 'wearing androgynous stuff' being unnoticed. Most people notice, few openly comment.

But the best thing you could do to yourself, would be openly coming out and go all the way in. Your college years is when you build foundation for your future life, and there's nothing more solid than being totally open in your explorations. Unis are also very safe place. And when you graduate - no one know what did you do there [emoji4]


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