The internet at my apt.s isn't the greatest and can sometimes be rather frustrating, especially when I'm in a hurry or trying to get something done and and my laptop suddenly develops a peculiar lag or just won't post very well and I have to reload and repost several times

This is when the vernacular tends to become rather interestingly colorful with the frickin' frackin' something something or other sniggle snaggle

How about you? Have you found yourself wishing your smart phone was just a bit smarter or trash talking any of your other devices?

YEP

Yes all the time especially at work where the computers and internet are Slow and I  have so much work to do

I have a habit of talking to everything that gets on my nerves. I threaten them too. " just for that  you go into the trash! "  Stuff like that. My family thinks I'm a little nuts. When my dad sees me do that he says something like " and it didn't even say it was sorry. What a rude laptop".  Yeah, my dad thinks his dad humor is  funny. 

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 19, 2018, 06:18:13 AMYeah, my dad thinks his dad humor is  funny. 

Dad humor is funny, it's you young'uns that just don't get it. .. Ok, benefit of the doubt, I'm sure you do sometimes ..

True comment here. My sister-in-law (kind of my oldest daughter as she lived with us during her terrible teens) and both my adult girls appreciate the humor I had now that they are older and think back. Dads way of helping development along, whether you think so now or not. Plus the added benefit of, when the awful day comes, that Dad is no longer there .. that voice will haunt you forever with those irritating little tidbits of fun

Quote from: V M on January 19, 2018, 04:51:52 AM
How about you? Have you found yourself wishing your smart phone was just a bit smarter or trash talking any of your other devices?

Is this a trick question? 

Yes    It's a trick to rock around to rock around that's right on time it's tricky, tricky, tricky tricky tricky

 For the most part, my devices do what I expect them to do however the one I talk back to from time to time is Siri. I ask her how to spell words sometimes and if she doesn't go out of her way to give me something other than what I ask for, she must have hearing difficulty. After several tries I will switch to a computer dictionary or use another word.

Then there is Google. Yesterday I was looking for a radio part called a vibrator used to provide the proper voltages needed to operate vacuums tubes. They stopped putting them in radios about 50 years ago so I knew they might be a little difficult to find. It turned out they were very difficult because the internet is loaded with vibrators of the sexual kind. At least I was lucky enough to find a design to make a solid state replacement should I need one.

Yes.  My employer just released the newest, shiniest, neatest, most feature loaded, and unfortunately buggiest spectrometer yet.

They doubled the price on these things and the customers are still getting more bugs per dollar than ever before (what a deal!)

I should have been done with this install three days ago so yes, there has been much trash talk here.

Where I work there is a pretty famous screen message if the system cannot find a file. I do see customers and other running around in t-shirts with this error printed on. Apparently it is so famous that you can buy t-shirts with it.   Same customer also made glasses for the holidays with our company logo and the slogan "This is why we drink" (beer and wine glasses). I always try to hold back trash talking our stuff. But you are so right. I love the slogan "more bugs per dollar"

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 19, 2018, 08:56:24 AM
Yes.  My employer just released the newest, shiniest, neatest, most feature loaded, and unfortunately buggiest spectrometer yet.

They doubled the price on these things and the customers are still getting more bugs per dollar than ever before (what a deal!)

I should have been done with this install three days ago so yes, there has been much trash talk here.

Oh yes. Maybe my own not so much, since I don't want to hurt my device's feelings.   ... 

I'll often curse everything at work (I'm the resident IT person), hardware and software both. Mostly I just curse about the utter incompetence of our ISP (which is literally the only one available to us). If we had more in the budget we could get some better hardware & software (our print server for the public computers is.... not great), but alas that's what happens with non-profits.

Quote from: Colleen_definitely on January 19, 2018, 08:56:24 AM
Yes.  My employer just released the newest, shiniest, neatest, most feature loaded, and unfortunately buggiest spectrometer yet.

They doubled the price on these things and the customers are still getting more bugs per dollar than ever before (what a deal!)

I should have been done with this install three days ago so yes, there has been much trash talk here.

The problem is a race to market. For example when I worked for Boeing we installed an ERP system. It cost over a billion dollars to implement. When we were done, they decided not to roll it out to all facilities. The idea behind the update was to replace 10,000 different systems to a hand full of off the shelf software. Unfortunately the program was developed for process manufacturing. IE Items were list in grams, ounces, pound, tons etc. and not custom built end products that require measurements like ea. and sets. Our programmers ended up having to rewrite the code. Five years later they scrapped it. The biggest problem is they launched the program without the bugs fixed. I had the job of finding those bugs, writing navigational scripts but we were working from a prior version not the final program. No matter how much I protested we were doing it wrong, the timeline caught up with us and we launched anyway.      The story of my computer life.

Hi
As I build my own comps when I can afford I know their capability, and having had a download speed of 14k (yes true and on a hard wired connection, 100 yards from the fibre supplied broadband telecoms box) until about 6 years ago, so I am well aware of the inevitable lagfests but I am more stable nowadays with regards to swearing and throwing hardware through the window. Now with 50+Gb my son does the swearing despite being told MMOs tend to be bad for lag  sometimes (lots of swearing and banging/breaking of KBDs etc).
Mind you, in-between self med and GP prescribed meds, a gap of 4 months, I have broken a Chinese smart phone in half... Oops .. cost me £250 to replace (was Chinese co bad and still bad..) as for some reason my angry side got a bit bigger.. not good.
Take the E and relax girls..
Katie

Quote from: DawnOday on January 19, 2018, 12:58:17 PM
The problem is a race to market. For example when I worked for Boeing we installed an ERP system. It cost over a billion dollars to implement. When we were done, they decided not to roll it out to all facilities. The idea behind the update was to replace 10,000 different systems to a hand full of off the shelf software. Unfortunately the program was developed for process manufacturing. IE Items were list in grams, ounces, pound, tons etc. and not custom built end products that require measurements like ea. and sets. Our programmers ended up having to rewrite the code. Five years later they scrapped it. The biggest problem is they launched the program without the bugs fixed. I had the job of finding those bugs, writing navigational scripts but we were working from a prior version not the final program. No matter how much I protested we were doing it wrong, the timeline caught up with us and we launched anyway.      The story of my computer life.

Omg I have done that multiple times computers tv car what ever does not work right and I just admitted it

That reminds me, we had a patron that was getting really angry at his laptop. He kept banging on it with his hand, then he dropped it on the floor and stomped on it. When he threw it halfway across the room I had to ask him to leave. I think his track pad wasn't working or something, but he wasn't being very talkative about it. Actually, he hardly said anything as he further damaged his laptop, which was kind of creepy.

All the lagging and refusing to work, is why I disabled automatic updates. It still ticks me off when I am in the middle of something, and it starts looking for updates. Or, when it decides to disconnect from my Wi-Fi.
It was worse before I switched internet providers. Imagine trying to do anything with 0.1 Mbps! I'm sure I'd get reported if I mentioned which company screwed me over like that. I used to get 10 Mbps from that company, but they decided to make all their customers pay a much higher price for that internet speed, calling it an "upgrade". Now, that really made me cuss and yell.

Quote from: DawnOday on January 19, 2018, 12:58:17 PM
The problem is a race to market.

Absolutely.  And I'm the person who gets the joy of telling a customer why the new half million dollar spectrometer they bought isn't working right after I install it.  It's humiliating.

My monitor is one of those comedic tropes where a device doesn't work unless you physically abuse it. The car that won't start until you head butt it, the space ship that needs a punch to get going.

I still have not been able to figure out what the problem with the backlight is, or why whacking it in a certain way gets it to work when there's nothing wrong with the connections.

I suspect the designer at the company who made it is laughing his hair off somewhere.

My phone is a woman of ill repute. I let her know that occasionally. 

Quote from: Viktor on January 21, 2018, 10:13:26 AM
My monitor is one of those comedic tropes where a device doesn't work unless you physically abuse it. The car that won't start until you head butt it, the space ship that needs a punch to get going.

I still have not been able to figure out what the problem with the backlight is, or why whacking it in a certain way gets it to work when there's nothing wrong with the connections.

I suspect the designer at the company who made it is laughing his hair off somewhere.

I once physically assaulted a mixer. Our old mixer was old as dirt, my parents got it as a wedding gift. The power cord plugged into a little socket on the side. It got to the point were it would just quit and you had to wiggle the cord to get it going again. I was trying to whip cream with it and it just kept dying and I was constantly having to wiggle the cord. I was already getting very pissed and annoyed then when I grabbed the cord to shake it it gave me a good shock. It hurt! So I lost it and started beating the mixer with a wooden spoon and cursing at it. When I turned around my dad and brother were standing there laughing at me. What made it especially embarrassing was that 3 days earlier my brother was kicking the lawn mower because it wouldn't start. I told him not to be so childish and told him kicking it wouldn't make it start and to get a grip on himself.