Feeling a bit down today after a incident with my department manager...

So I'll start out with saying I'm not out yet to any one at work and I'm not really ready to come out here and this makes me more worried about coming out to them.

This is what happened
I maintain equipment for my company and I get to pick new equipment to order so today a new machine came in and my department manager came in to my shop to take a look at the machine. While he was in the shop talking to me about the machine he had a strange look on his face and kept looking down at my hands then he asked
" not to be rude or disrespectful or rude but what's up with the painted nails"

I replied to him with "oh my daughter painted them "

Then he came back with "oh ok good for a minute there I was beginning  to get worried you were one of "them" "

I did my best not to react by reverting back to taking about the machine and he didn't sting it back up ...

So now I'm feeling a bit down disrespected...

I'm not ready to come out to him yet but at the same time I'm screaming inside wanting to tell him something...

I can see how you feel that way. Maybe it was just a typical male reaction to reassure his Manlieness and maybe for yours too?
As for the future and coming out don't sweat it yet.
I would suggest that for now make sure you are the best you can be at what you do because at the end of the day he prob will not care what you look like or identify as if you are making his job easier.
Make him realize you are irreplaceable.
Hope this helps.

I'm sure men aren't inclusive to this behavior, but that is an underlying thought bigots have.  Some may hold those thoughts until they feel safe to say them, some say them whenever they like.  You gave your coworker an excuse to be a dick by not owning up to it. He tried to hurt you, thinking that it was your idea at first.  He hurt you by his bigotry calling us "them". 
I don't know the dynamics of where you work, but he won't change unless education is involved.  At least you will be able to continue to paint your nails since he thinks it's for your daughter.

I am so sorry about this incident. I know a few people who would talk the same.It is extremely frustrating to see such dumb comments in these days. I have used similar excuses early on in my transition (damaged fingernails which need repair).

Keep in mind, this is his limited view, not your fault in any way.

I know you mentioned you are not out yet, but depending on your company (size and location) you may want to consider talking to HR soon. You do not have to provide any names since I am sure you do not want to get your manager in trouble, but you could use this example to start discussing what is going on in your life. They may be able to hold some sensitivity training long before you come out.

Depending on company policies and location it will also provide you a bit more protection . If you are in a large company and it does not stop you could ask to be re-assigned (if you want to).

Stay strong and keep going your way!

I can see that too.  He might be okay once he actually knows, but until then tread lightly, but don't ever be ashamed at something you are doing.  This is the tact I'm doing.  When people notice my earrings, I just ask them what they think of them.  Then no matter what they say I tell them I love them, and I'm glad I did it.  I do my nails all the time, but it's clear.  Nobody has said anything there, but it'll be the same.  I'll ask the doesn't it look nice?  I've practiced to get them this good!  Stuff like that.  I've done that now for my hair, my shoes. My weight loss, my color choices.  Just own it, you'll feel better about it, and they are the ones that need to grow and accept.

Bari Jo

Incidents like this are tough, really put your mind into overdrive with a fear factor.  But you've had training about that sort of thing.  You need to make a plan right now, how will you react when this happens again?  Will you let it happen again?  The best defense is a good offense.  This is telling you that it's time to own this for all it's worth.  You have to "know" that painting you nails is OK just because you want to and when you're asked about it again it's OK to say that.  If you want to say more, say it like your the baddest girl in the room.  Challenge them and make them feel the A Hole for questioning your right to authenticity.  You're good at what you do, so they'll deal with it.
     Had a call from a friend before Christmas, a neighbor had his tractor break at a very inopportune time, and since I'm the fix it guy out here my friend called and asked if I'd look at the part and see if I could get his neighbor running again.  I said sure, bring the part over.  I was upstairs when he showed up, my wife yelled up and I came out to the shop just expecting my friend to have a part in his hand.  He knows I'm trans so I didn't think about my painted fingers and my T shirt (I'm a bit booby).  Well, he wasn't alone and oops, too late!  So I just went about things like there was nothing to discuss other than getting Henry's tractor going.  Nothing was said, fixed his part better than new, shook hands and he so appreciated my work, and the fact I didn't want any money, just said Merry Christmas, that he invited me over for his New Years party (didn't go, was out of town).  My friend said a comment was made that he noticed a few things, whats up, and my friend just said he hadn't noticed and it all went away.
     I made up my mind, and it may take a while to get there for you, that I would refuse to be ashamed about who I was and that was the real coming out point for me.  I told everyone, did it in a confident way that was matter of fact and made it clear that I was telling them because I respected them and wanted them to have the straight skinny.  I made sure they knew that I was good with this.  Really own this with no apologies and once you do you will find the experience liberating.  And there are lots of us here for you as a Brother and a Sister.  Toni

It seems like nail polish shocks people even more than wearing make up before or early in transition. I've worn nail polish since I was 14. I always liked black or blue polish because it looks good against my white skin. The first time my dad saw me with nail polish he didn't really say a lot about it. By that time he was pretty much used to my " weird" behavior. I was already wearing make-up so nail polish wasnt a big shock for him. My brother was concerned that wearing nail polish would cause the people at school to make fun of me but they already did and they weren't going to stop so why not wear nail polish if I wanted to. The first time my uncle saw me with nail polish he asked my dad why the ### I was wearing blue nail polish. My dad told him because I didn't look good with red nail polish. My uncle wasn't amused. Lol

Ignorance, don't you just love it. I would be happy to come and show your manager what being "one of them" entails. Don't let it get you down. Ignorance can be fixed, not easy but doable. My nephew said he could spot transgender people a mile away, to which I replied, oh really. It was still early in my transition so there was not much evidence. So far when I have been in public en-femme. i get lot's of looks but thus far no snide remarks. Thankfully I live in Seattle, a very tolerant city.

I sorry that your manager was so rude to you.  No one deserves that.   I agree with Sarah's suggestion about speaking to Human Resources if the place you work for is big enough to have one. 

I also think Bari Jo's suggestion about asking the person what they think of ____ ? is a nice way to flip it on them.  It puts them on the spot instead of you.

I hope things work out for you.  You have every right to be happy & respected. 

That's really sad that he even felt it was appropriate to ask about them at all. How about focus on the job at hand and let people express themselves how they want...

I don't think you should have lied about why you painted your nails.  It will make things more complicated when you eventually come out to him.

As Bari Jo said, don't be ashamed of what you're doing.  Own it.

I have a co-worker who is a director in another department who I see a good bit who was just up in arms awhile back when the bathroom thing was in the news alot.  He had lots of ignorant things to say about bad parenting and people making poor choices.  This was back before I had acknowledged to myself that I was trans (I knew but thought I would never be able to transition) and I tried to disabuse him of his notions.  This man (whom in other regards I even like) is part of the reason that I am terrified of what is going to happen when I come out at work.  I almost want to be able to go from androgynous to feminine overnight in some brilliant transformation.  My company at least has posted HR policies about non-discrimination and that sort of thing, but even still I suspect I am going to have to have some quite lengthy conversations with HR.  Someone's post above mentioned getting HR to host sensitivity training well in advance of coming out and I think that that is a brilliant idea!

             -Julie