I Realised, i am not the sweet person i used to be.i was always kind.caring,tender.
i have turned into a bitter, difficult, jealous,neurotic piece of s**t.
is it the hormones.?is it transition?is it the fact i realise i am incomplete?
is it the fact i don;t believe in love anymore?and love was the first and most important value in my life.
without love there is only hate in my heart.if not true hate a bitter sense.
i watched a movie and there was a wonderful line
What made you so bitter??
Observation.....
thanks for listening.i hope i am not a drama queen as we all think about other tss..
but i am in pain.
and i did not deserve that.or at least i didn;t see it coming.

It's the fact that life is not fair, that we desever better than we get from society, and that it is easy to let hate and resentment replace pain and fear.

Don't give in to it hon - hate and resentment ony turn into either despair or revenge, and neither leads to anything good. If they hurt you, shame them with the beauty of who you are.

I suppose it is very easy to become jaded when you are trans. Attitude is everything though; we have a choice in how we choose to respond and behave.

I least you know and you are bother by it. That speaks volumes of self awareness.

I am....... I wish to become.......We can cause i can't do it alone.....


Hugs,

Quote from: Robin_p on March 06, 2008, 02:45:57 PM
I least you know and you are bother by it. That speaks volumes of self awareness.

I am....... I wish to become.......We can cause i can't do it alone.....


Hugs,

exactly my sentiments. 

Life's not a cakewalk.  It is rather terrible at times.  We really can't expect others to truly understand, and all the bigotry that gets directed our way is like a thunderstorm.  It's just a part of life.  Hang in there.  Maybe you'll see something that redeems your outlook,

Quote from: deniz on March 06, 2008, 12:01:06 PM
I Realised, i am not the sweet person i used to be.i was always kind.caring,tender.
i have turned into a bitter, difficult, jealous,neurotic piece of s**t.
is it the hormones.?is it transition?is it the fact i realise i am incomplete?
is it the fact i don;t believe in love anymore?and love was the first and most important value in my life.
without love there is only hate in my heart.if not true hate a bitter sense.
i watched a movie and there was a wonderful line
What made you so bitter??
Observation.....
thanks for listening.i hope i am not a drama queen as we all think about other tss..
but i am in pain.
and i did not deserve that.or at least i didn;t see it coming.

i think it's unusual to find anyone who hasn't gone through dark and difficult times. i have met a rare few, but for most of us, it's like a rite of passage or something. be extra cautious in your dark days, and remember that you will play the biggest role in regards to getting through it. 

-ellie

Quote from: lady amarant on March 06, 2008, 12:49:32 PM
It's the fact that life is not fair, that we desever better than we get from society, and that it is easy to let hate and resentment replace pain and fear.

Don't give in to it hon - hate and resentment ony turn into either despair or revenge, and neither leads to anything good. If they hurt you, shame them with the beauty of who you are.

I'm a bit of a Star Wars fan (geek perhaps) but I couldn't help thinking about the line that Yoda said, "anger turns to fear, fear to turns to hate, hate turns to suffering." Anyway something like that. It is a progression of our thought processes if we keep those same tape recordings playing in our mind. The focus becomes like a vicious circle that is had to break.

I am sometimes angry because of all the lost years that I could have lived my true self but for lack of knowledge back in the good old days (not). But then I think I need to live life to my full potential now. To do that, the baggage has to be left on the train station platform. I need to head off on my new journey baggage free or at least as free as it can be. I try to turn my thoughts to, "what can be" instead of "what was."

hugs

Nigella

Quote from: Nigella on March 06, 2008, 05:58:25 PM
I'm a bit of a Star Wars fan (geek perhaps) but I couldn't help thinking about the line that Yoda said, "anger turns to fear, fear to turns to hate, hate turns to suffering." Anyway something like that. It is a progression of our thought processes if we keep those same tape recordings playing in our mind. The focus becomes like a vicious circle that is had to break.

Yay! A fellow devotee of the ways of the Force!

   I went thru a period so bleak that rolling in cacti would have seemed a joy. I had entirely lost my empathy.   I had begun to think that all men were monsters who went home at the end of the day to practice atrocities upon their families.  I was disconnected.  Bleak.  Literally almost unable to breathe.  Every word spoken to me hurt upon my hearing it.  I thought I would go for decades and die like that.

   However, it passed.  It took a long time because I didn't address it as early as I should have.  Part of the reason for that is that I was isolated.  It was a long time.  Seems like a full decade but may have been only 4 or 5 years.

   I think it's good you recognized it coming.  I believe it is a symptom of a depressive, or possibly obsessive, type state that can be handled.  It might take some hard work or it may be a matter of reorganizing your life.  Take some walks.  Look at trees and birds and things.  Exercise.  Find your stress triggers and eliminate them or make a plan to handle them head on.  You'll get better.  You probably just need some time to 'find' yourself again.  Sometimes, we all get overwhelmed or lost in a bad attitude and just need to find a way to break the spell.

   Look for things that cheer up up and let them do their work.   


Take care,  Love,


Rebis

Knowing its happening, there is a need to try to stop it.  Somethings, left undone, are far easier to get into than get out of - so best try to avoid it.  And bitter is a bad way to go through life.

We are terribly short attention spanned. The long cycles between the crappy times and the not so crappy times trite can be unsettling. Unless youhave some medical based malady, (at the expense of sounding trite) expect that "this too shall pass"

xox
Sylvia

Quote from: Nigella on March 06, 2008, 05:58:25 PM
I'm a bit of a Star Wars fan (geek perhaps) but I couldn't help thinking about the line that Yoda said, "anger turns to fear, fear to turns to hate, hate turns to suffering." Anyway something like that. It is a progression of our thought processes if we keep those same tape recordings playing in our mind. The focus becomes like a vicious circle that is had to break.

I am sometimes angry because of all the lost years that I could have lived my true self but for lack of knowledge back in the good old days (not). But then I think I need to live life to my full potential now. To do that, the baggage has to be left on the train station platform. I need to head off on my new journey baggage free or at least as free as it can be. I try to turn my thoughts to, "what can be" instead of "what was."

hugs

Nigella

Why is it that many TS's are Sci Fi fans? is it escapism? I never watch the stuff and prefer a good weepy movie...

Quote from: deniz on March 06, 2008, 12:01:06 PM
I Realised, i am not the sweet person i used to be.i was always kind.caring,tender.
i have turned into a bitter, difficult, jealous,neurotic piece of s**t.
is it the hormones.?is it transition?is it the fact i realise i am incomplete?
is it the fact i don;t believe in love anymore?and love was the first and most important value in my life.
without love there is only hate in my heart.if not true hate a bitter sense.
i watched a movie and there was a wonderful line
What made you so bitter??
Observation.....
thanks for listening.i hope i am not a drama queen as we all think about other tss..
but i am in pain.
and i did not deserve that.or at least i didn;t see it coming.

Since being on FT HRT for nearly 10 years I have become far less difficult but possibly less focused...

Quote from: Berliegh on March 07, 2008, 09:13:33 AM
Why is it that many TS's are Sci Fi fans? is it escapism? I never watch the stuff and prefer a good weepy movie...

Escapism yeah, but also a healthy dose of hope - SciFi and Fantasy present alternative visions of society, of the future, and it allows me to dream of and perhaps work towards those better societies. What can I say, nobody could ever accuse me of being a realist! 

I've always got time for a good weepy though.

Quote from: lady amarant on March 07, 2008, 09:24:10 AM

Quote from: Berliegh on March 07, 2008, 09:13:33 AM
Why is it that many TS's are Sci Fi fans? is it escapism? I never watch the stuff and prefer a good weepy movie...

Escapism yeah, but also a healthy dose of hope - SciFi and Fantasy present alternative visions of society, of the future, and it allows me to dream of and perhaps work towards those better societies. What can I say, nobody could ever accuse me of being a realist! 

I've always got time for a good weepy though.

I always prefer movies based on fact otherwise I can't take them too seriously. I think the same can be said with what can be achived from transition which can also drift into the realms of fantasy..