If you are all living in the same house I know that does weird things to the dynamic between parents, their kids, siblings and the newcomer etc.

Usually people move out in my experience when in a relationship to be by themselves because of that kind of stuff.

I think I smoothed things out with Tyler. I told him I was sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring him and that wasn't ever my intention. I told him he was still a very important part of my life and he always will be. I also told him I would watch the Netflix stuff we watched together with him on Sunday nights. I felt really bad after I thought about him feeling like I didn't want him around anymore. I never meant for him to think that. Tyler always did a lot for me growing up and I needed him a great deal. I thought he would be happy that I didn't need him so much now. It never dawned on me that he might feel hurt by it.

The situation is not too different from when a child moves out on their own. The parents are happy that their child has become strong and independent, but for that same reason they are sad because they no longer feel needed. I know on the rare occasion when one of my daughters calls for help it makes my day. You have a very special relationship with your father and brother, maybe even more special than you realize. Since Tristan moved in Tyler doesn't feel as though you need him anymore, but from your viewpoint you were releasing Tyler from activities that he may not have enjoyed and giving him more time to do what he wanted. Make Tyler feel useful and needed again, and everything will be OK.

Of course it looks like you already figured that out!

Quote from: Julia1996 on January 20, 2018, 05:59:36 PM
I think I smoothed things out with Tyler. I told him I was sorry if it seemed like I was ignoring him and that wasn't ever my intention. I told him he was still a very important part of my life and he always will be. I also told him I would watch the Netflix stuff we watched together with him on Sunday nights. I felt really bad after I thought about him feeling like I didn't want him around anymore. I never meant for him to think that. Tyler always did a lot for me growing up and I needed him a great deal. I thought he would be happy that I didn't need him so much now. It never dawned on me that he might feel hurt by it.

The vast majority of times that people get angry with us is because their feelings have been hurt.  Something one learns as they get older - time is the best teacher.

I know that it's an old thread and everything is resolved by now but I'm putting in my (not very original) twopence anyway, just because.   

As you mentioned, Tyler was not just your brother, he was also your best friend.  He's got to miss that.  I recall that Zoë was also understandably put out (figuratively as well as literally).

I'm sure that now you have it all well in hand by having a lot of special one-on-one time with both Tyler and Zoë.

Maybe Tyler will be happier when he, like Tristan, has a steady girlfriend who has become his friend as well as his lover.  Then you could all watch television and sometimes go out togther.  Two's company and three's a crowd but then four's company again.

First relationship I ever had and my sister called my date for all kinds and the fact I was spending time with them and not going home to visit. Now it's the other way around, she never spends any time around anyone but her own family. I think that's why people usually end up moving out to be with that person - living in a close family situation and dealing with the dynamics like that is difficult. I don't think I could live with a relationship and my siblings and parents in the same house, they'd be at each others' throats in no time.