So I've gone to get my Sunday shopping and the shop was heaving. Obviously lots of women about who I am so jealous of how they look and then I notice I am also so jealous of young girls too, they are pre all the crazy things they have to come and I find myself wishing I could go back in time and be a little girl growing up instead of a little boy.

I'll never get to experience all the things girls growing up do only what adult women do and that makes me so sad.
Argh this jealousy is so awful

I think that is the number one wish most women here want.  We are learning now what we should have learned long ago.  So, yes I'm jealous of young girls too.  I don't mean to sound creepy, but I sometimes wonder of pubescent girls, are they feeling the same as I do?  Do their breasts hurt like mine, are they having new emotions that send them reeling at times?  We are after all just pubescent girls too.

Jessica

I thought the same thing! Lucky little brats lol what's more painful is my own memories of those times. Slowly trying to let it all go. It's tough

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I suffer from this kind of jealousy too. I tried many times to ignore the feelings but it was impossible. when I see young girls growing and living their life just like any normal girl do I feel so sad because even if I passed as a beautiful woman now I will not be able to go back and live the period of adolescence again as a girl.

Quote from: Haya on January 21, 2018, 10:48:56 AM
I suffer from this kind of jealousy too. I tried many times to ignore the feelings but it was impossible. when I see young girls growing and living their life just like any normal girl do I feel so sad because even if I passed as a beautiful woman now I will not be able to go back and live the period of adolescence again as a girl.

It is a source of my dysphoria.  I am still in the process of releasing that pain and accepting this reality.  Another reality is also wish I was born rich.  Both those ships had sailed before my first breath.

I get that all the time. If I had one wiah it would be to start over female. It feels totally unfair that they get to grow up the right gender. Still, you can't reverse time so there is nothing I can do but get over it.

What I'm finding quite weird is that I NEVER felt like this growing up. I was always happy as a boy. Well I was never happy but I never questioned my gender one bit...at all...ever.

So now I am 33 am I regretting my childhood as a boy? Yes I am and I can't figure out why.

I get this badly too sometimes. What usually helps me is thinking " yeah I would have rather gotten to grow up as a girl and it sucks I didn't buttt it's not like I didn't get a childhood at all. I have so many happy memories growing up as a guy and while they may have been better as a girl I was still enjoying life none the less.

It's a good reminder that yeah things weren't perfect and I am sad on some of the things I had to miss out on but I still got to grow up in a wealthy family. In America. With loving parents. Support all around. In an age where life couldn't be easier and everything I could ever want has just been handed to me, well everything other than right gender that is. 

Focusing on these things makes the few things I didn't get to do, that someone like my sister did, just seems so trivial when I compare my life to the billions of people around the world who have it so much harder instead. I'm just learning to appreciate what I have, not the few things I didn't.


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I had a horrible childhood even as a guy.  I grew up in a lower middle class family where there was never enough money and my parents were constantly taking their bad feelings out on me.  I was forced to share a bedroom with a brother who was/is bipolar and schizophrenic.  I suffered physical abuse from my parents until I was nine or ten and psychological and verbal abuse far into adulthood from creepy stalker dad and always angry mom.

As hard as I tried to be a boy, I had a few touchstones of femininity here and there.  I played concert flute as a child and teenager.

I don't just wish for girlhood.  I wish my gender had not been a gateway for child abuse.

When those thoughts hit I think to myself I have now and I am ding everything to be me. It does not make up for the past but it dies put it into perspective. It was much worse 5.5 years ago just starting out so being who I am on the outside and living life really does help me to put it into perspective.

I am very glad to have transitioned and had this time as me. I look forward to the future.

Quote from: CallMeKate on January 21, 2018, 09:51:21 AM
So I've gone to get my Sunday shopping and the shop was heaving. Obviously lots of women about who I am so jealous of how they look and then I notice I am also so jealous of young girls too, they are pre all the crazy things they have to come and I find myself wishing I could go back in time and be a little girl growing up instead of a little boy.

I'll never get to experience all the things girls growing up do only what adult women do and that makes me so sad.
Argh this jealousy is so awful

Luckily you are still young and didn't have to dream about it for years and years and years and a half century. :-)

I certainly used to get the feeling of jealousy when I saw a pretty woman.  Not so much any more, though.  Since I started full-time, I realize that my wish has been granted.  Okay, maybe not so much the pretty part - I won't win any beauty contests - but I am living the life I dreamed of.  Now, when I see a pretty woman, I wonder how those clothes or that hair style would look on me.

I have never put much energy into regretting a lost girlhood.  Sure I wish I had transitioned sooner.  It would be a lot nicer facing a 60-70 year future as me instead of a 20-30 year future.  But I don't care.  I am here now and it feels wonderful.  The past I had was pretty cool, and it got me, by however circuitous a route, to where I am now.

The point of this post is not to gloat, but to say that it can get better.  Just hang in there.  The jealousy is a common manifestation of dysphoria, and it will go away with treatment.

I don't feel jealous of young girls.  Remember it's hard growing up even if you're cisgender so they are going through plenty of their own stuff.  As adults, we idealize childhood and those of us who are trans women probably idealize female childhood even more. 

I personally feel more jealous of young trans girls and women who are in transition now.  I wish I could have had the courage to walk that path when I was 13 and that I'd had the resources available then that trans kids have now.

I think the best solution to feelings of jealousy is to be as supportive and encouraging of trans youth as we can, in person if we know any, and as a community.  We can't make our own pasts what we want them to be, but we can try to give young people the support we wish we'd had.

Not jealous but realising I missed out. It brought it home to me a few years ago when I saw a girl about 7 literally jumping with joy as she came out of Build a Bear with her parents & her bear & I realised I was never that happy as a kid, not even once.

  I am not sure I would call it jealousy, but it was certainly envy of my 5 sisters. I had plenty of things I wished I could do or experience. Yes, I do think back and wish I had those experiences myself. I did get to do and learn some of the same things mainly self maintenance stuff . Laundry, ironing, doing dishes, cooking, and some basic sewing. But I also dabbled with crochet and knitting. I played games usually associated with girls like jacks, hopscotch, jump rope etc along with boy games but you were more likely to find me over with the girls until it became apparent I should be with the boys. But there were so many others thing I could not experience, all those "girls only" things.
  Sigh  Yes I wish I had been born a cis-girl and grew up with my sisters doing  what they could and I could not.

Hugs,
   Laurie

I've had that feeling of envy a lot lately. Particularly towards very young girls, because it kills me that no matter what I do, I'll never be able to experience that time in my life as female. Teen and older... I dunno, I feel like to a degree I can have similar experiences moving forward as teens do. Certainly I'm going to have the awkwardness of a first date, kiss, or more as a girl. I still have time to learn to do things I missed out, and so forth. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can turn back the clock on innocence(or simply mental development), and enable me to have those true childhood experiences. I don't even know if it would have been all that different in terms of what toys I played with or who my friends were, but nonetheless when I see pictures of my sister from that age, I can't help but feel that pang of loss.

(Though the worst bit of jealousy will always be never being able to be pregnant. I don't tend to be triggered by much, but the one thing that gets me every time is when I see people say "[Trans girls] are lucky they don't have to deal with periods". I don't see that as lucky in the slightest, I see it as though there's a knife in my gut I can never remove, and casual dismissal of it is just a twist of that knife. Wow, I'm cheery today.)

Quote from: Roll on January 22, 2018, 11:25:34 AM
I've had that feeling of envy a lot lately. Particularly towards very young girls, because it kills me that no matter what I do, I'll never be able to experience that time in my life as female. Teen and older... I dunno, I feel like to a degree I can have similar experiences moving forward as teens do. Certainly I'm going to have the awkwardness of a first date, kiss, or more as a girl. I still have time to learn to do things I missed out, and so forth. But nothing, absolutely nothing, can turn back the clock on innocence(or simply mental development), and enable me to have those true childhood experiences. I don't even know if it would have been all that different in terms of what toys I played with or who my friends were, but nonetheless when I see pictures of my sister from that age, I can't help but feel that pang of loss.

(Though the worst bit of jealousy will always be never being able to be pregnant. I don't tend to be triggered by much, but the one thing that gets me every time is when I see people say "[Trans girls] are lucky they don't have to deal with periods". I don't see that as lucky in the slightest, I see it as though there's a knife in my gut I can never remove, and casual dismissal of it is just a twist of that knife. Wow, I'm cheery today.)

Hey Sweetie, that was heavy.  Maybe in 5 or 10 years transwomen will be able to become pregnant.  I read or watched something a long time ago where they had or said they could insert the egg & sperm into the stomach lining where itwouldn't be digested and the stomach would grow the baby.  C Section would be required though.