Tldr; Are you born wanting to have sex like your physical or mental gender?

I've never, not even once, desired to use my male genitals to penetrate anyone vaginally, anally, or orally. I don't even care to have them touched. I've always fantasized about being penetrated, performing oral, and otherwise caressing the male member, just not my own. This is true even in dreams.

Do you think this necessarily means I was born this way? Or could it be explained by environmental or parenting, or whatever? I'm not looking to justify it, I'm mostly just curious. Did anyone experience a shift in their sexual intuitions? Do most transgender people start out one way or the other?

I started out asexual.  I had to consciously learn what it meant to have sex as a man.  I am not sure how well I learned.  I think I probably still am asexual.  I haven't done it in a long time, and I don't miss it.

Born that way I'd say.
I have always been as you say:

Quote from: PollyQMcLovely on January 25, 2018, 06:37:39 AM
I've always fantasized about being penetrated, performing oral, and otherwise caressing the male member, just not my own. This is true even in dreams.

In fact when in the past I have been flirting with men or women I have always acted girly which must have been confusing for the women. lol.  I also naturally curve my body and stick my bum out when being spooned from behind by either sex.  I'm very submissive and don't like the whole male thrusting thing.  It feels very forced and unnatural.  I also hugely prefer fore-play to penitrative sex.

I don't find women sexually attractive now at all (I have in the past), but my desire for the male form (and member) has always been strong for as long as I can remember (age 10 or 11 I think).  I lost my desire for women over a year ago or maybe even more, and only came out to myself as trans in december.

I learned to behave male in the bedroom when I lost my virginity (first time i'd slept with a woman) to my wife and we lived together (I was 32 years old).  I wanted to please her, so researched how to do it and ended up quite good at it even though I was in denial and trying to act like a man. Maybe I was trying too hard. Incidently, I lost my *actual* virginity to a boy when I was 18.

Denial is a wonderful thing. lol

I think it's inborn. I like you have never wanted anyone touching or even seeing my boyparts. I've also never liked women sexually. To me the idea of sex with a woman is.....well...Ewww!  I have always liked guys though. I started messing around with boys when I was 12. Yeah, I know I'm a great big HO. Lol .

I doubt the mechanics of sex are completely instinctive. We learn from others or society or experimentation how it's done. We also end up having preferences that come from trying new things.

But whether something feels appropriate and comfortable on a basic psych level doesn't seem to be conscious decision. Two different things, I think.

In my experience there are people who see themselves in one role and just won't even leave their box. There are people who'll try anything. There are people in the middle. I think part of that comes down to their openness to new experience and psychological state as much as anything else. But that's separate from the trans gender thing, to me. After all I'm okay with role experimentation, provided it's as a male. I'm just uncomfortable with doing anything as a female, sexually, and I don't know where that comes from, but it's not from experience or some decision I made.

QuoteI doubt the mechanics of sex are instinctive.

Well, animals certainly seem to have gotten the hang of it.  Do they have to be taught?  Or is it instinctive?

And animals can give birth without help too.

Humans on the other hand... if I had given birth I wouldn't have had a clue what to do before, during or after, without the knowledge of others, other than letting the body do its thing and hoping I survived.

We generally wouldn't dream of letting a woman go through childbirth and child rearing alone for that reason. We have some instinctual knowledge, like to push when contractions start, but what then? Do we all instinctively know how to care for a child for the next 18 years?

As a kid I only knew about sex because I'd seen porn and I'd gone to sex ed in school. I know how my body works (from experimentation), but would I know - instinctively with no other input - exactly what I was supposed to do in a sex act? No. Two people shut in a room together would eventually figure it out - but that's not instinct, then. That's experimentation.

I had this friend from a Muslim country when I was in school who talked about finding an old Arabic instructional sex book in her parents' bedroom. I remember I found it bizarre her parents would need a book on how to have sex. Then I remembered in their culture, there is no sex ed in school, parents don't talk about it with their children, porn is banned. It's taboo to bring up. So in her parents' home country, there were how-to sex guides given to married couples because many don't know how it's done. They've never seen it, never talked about it.

I was talking specifically about humans when I said the mechanics of sex are not instinctive. Sexual desire is instinctive in us, libido is, but actually knowing all about how to do it isn't all set out in our minds. We take it for granted we know all about it because our culture contains all that stuff and we see it as we grow up.

But like I said, I think knowing the mechanics of sex are a different thing to whether or not those mechanics feel right for a person individually. Personally, being penetrated was never very pleasurable for me, and I could never get into the mood thinking about that happening to me. That seems to be something inborn, as believe me, I've tried to psych myself out of it for the sake of various relationships. 

I'm not dominant, slightly passive.
I've had no problem with my man bits, they've been used haha

I don't want them there but I've never felt repulsed or disgusted by them ever.

That's why I get confused if I am trans or not. So many people seem utterly disgusted by any male characteristics they have and I just don't care about having a penis.
I don't want it but it doesn't make me uncomfortable.

Quote from: VickyS on January 25, 2018, 09:11:35 AM
I learned to behave male in the bedroom when I lost my virginity (first time i'd slept with a woman) to my wife and we lived together (I was 32 years old).  I wanted to please her, so researched how to do it and ended up quite good at it even though I was in denial and trying to act like a man. Maybe I was trying too hard.

I lost my virginity at 30 to a girl. I loved her and wanted to please her which I too found to be rather good at, but when it came to actual sex, you know, penetration, I had no interest.
But like you I had to "man up" and get on with it despite not liking it or enjoying it.
Trying too hard is spot on girl