I have been regularly reading this site for some time and am overwhelmed by the information and by the many different boards and subjects covered. I have therefore decided to join.

I am 62 but have always known that I was born the wrong physical sex. I believe I told my mum very early that I wanted to be a girl and I can certainly remember saying that since the age of 4. As a child I prayed I could be a girl but around 9 realized it was not going to happen. I noticed girls button coats and cardigans the other way round and wished I could dress as them even including little girls sandals. I have no brothers or sisters but still found opportunities for putting a dress on either from granny's wardrobe or from playing with little girls in a Wendy House.

Now in the 1960s we did not use the present terms but by 11 I knew what a transvestite was and I assumed incorrectly I was one. I did not learn the term transsexual till I was probably 16 and then I realized that was me as I actually wished to have the other body, to actually live the other life. I found puberty which was late for me to be distressing and although we didn't talk of dysphoria then, I was and knew I was really depressed. I hated the arrival of the body hair and the lowering of the voice more than the genitalia strangely.

I crossdressed and bodyshaved all my life and my depression and concern of gender raised their heads several times but I was able to bury and rebury each time. I had so much work to do either office/paper work or looking after my house or later looking after my mother that the pressure of those tasks subsumed my major problem if only temporarily.

I retired and after the death of my mother to whom I was close but who disapproved of my crossdressing which I can forgive as she did not understand having been born in the 1920s, my ->-bleeped-<- came again to the forefront. We have only been using that term in UK to my knowledge since around 2005. My feelings intensified and I have been unable to bury them. Indeed for more than a year the feeling of true envy of the female body and shapeliness really bothers me whenever I see a woman. I find it even more disturbing then previously to be called "sir".

Therefore I have concluded that as I cannot suppress, I must either remain depressed for the rest of my life or take some corrective action however embarrassing. I have chosen the latter and made contact with a gender therapist privately as backlog in British NHS is unmanageable  - to NHS and to me.

I love debating and I look forward to that on the boards here and to gain more knowledge about Transgender Issues
and hopefully to gain help from others and to offer my help to others.

Best wishes to you all

Pamela



 

Hi Pamela 🙋‍♀️ Welcome to Susan's, I'm Jessica! I'm a 61 yo old transgender woman.  Life sends you down many paths .  I'm glad your path led you to us!
I see your new here, so I'll post some links that may help you get better acquainted with the site.

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Hello Pamela, welcome to Susan's!

Your story is very interesting and I bet you will have a lot to add - for yourself and all of us.  I've found as I have shared details of my journey, that helped me by causing me to stop and think more. 

Over time I bet you will find the embarrassment of being openly transgender gradually diminishes and disappears as we realise the social burden is arbitrary and the wrong side of history.  In other words, why be embarrassed about our true selves - if anyone has a problem with who I am, that's their problem not mine.  I know from personal experience this is so difficult at first, but your self-confidence will grow over time. 

I also hated my body hair - I admire it on men but hated having it.  In hindsight a major trigger depression was when my voice dropped during puberty.  Things that are difficult but not impossible to solve, details I have been tackling one by one.  Even knowing you are working on something can be very rewarding and is half the battle. 

I am so glad you decided to join and post.  Welcome!

Kendra

Hi Pamela 

Welcome to Susan's Place    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Hugs

V M

Hi Pamela,

  I'm Laurie. I'm also in my 60s about 4 years older than you. I also cross dressed from and early age and had head about sex changes but never thought that I had anything in common with them. I only found out about gender dysphoria in November 2016. The more I found out about it I knew they were talking about me. I was on HRT a month later. It's been over 13 months now and I've been living full time since the end of June last year.
  There are quite a few of us olderish people here so you should fit right in. So hun, come on in.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Hi Pamela,

Lovely to see you here. Oh and 61 is a youngster, I was that once!

I came from the UK many years ago and I am now in Australia but I have some family scattered around various parts of the UK.

I was from Liverpool, lived in Sheffield and London and eventually escaped (or was deported) to Australia.

You have plenty of time for a wonderful life, I started my transition when I was about 58 and life has changed to wonderful.

Cindy

Welcome from a Blackpool girl, 60 last year, catching you up!

Many thanks indeed for all your kind words of welcome.

I know that by joining Susan's and by starting my journey, I will be less depressed and hopefully ultimately happy.

So much to learn here and so much action for me to take along with my therapist and doctor.

Pamela