I get it that waiting to even get into the system is dysphoria-inducing. I didn't do well with waiting either, and my wait times were nothing in comparison.
It is important not to get attached to specifics when it comes to appearances. Very few of us will look like fashion models when we are done. It's a bit of a crap-shoot, and you won't know until it happens what your results will be. So it is important to notice and savour each little change as it happens.
Yes, I'd like to have B-cup or C-cup boobs. But after a year on HRT, I have to make do with As. But, damn, they sure are cute! I love their shape, and I love how they feel.
I'd love to have the face of a seventeen-year-old, but it ain't going to happen at my age. But the day I noticed that my lips had changed: WOW!! And a couple of months later, there was something different about my eyes: another Wow!
It's baby steps. The important thing is to enjoy each step as it happens.
My body is never quite going to match my mental ideal, so in that sense, my dysphoria is never entirely going to go away. But as I become more confident in my womanhood, it is going to matter less.
It is not all about the body, either. In addition to body dysphoria, most people have social dysphoria about their presentation. That is something you can work on even while you wait to get into the NHS system. My wife told me I needed a pair of skinny jeans. So, when I found a pair in my size in our favourite second-hand store, I had to try them on. Oh, my! Oh, my!
I am a long way from done. But the self-confidence I have gained from the process has me loving the person in the mirror even if she still has some beard shadow, and her shoulders are too wide and her voice is too deep. I am perceived as a woman and treated as one wherever I go. And that's what I always wanted.
