Feeling a bit out of sorts today, but o.k. It's been a very emotional few weeks for me so I guess I need to rest up for a while and recharge my batteries. I have a lot to practically think about and plan for, like Michelle said this is where we can honestly start the process of rediscovery. I'm excited and a little apprehensive.

Most of my major stumbling blocks are out of the way now. I'm free to be whoever I want to be for the first time in my life But, and there always seems to be a but, finding that person is going to take some time.
I'm not going to force things, start navel gazing or get bogged down in the mire of introspection, i'm going to do what I feel like, embrace what comes naturally and instinctively and see where it takes me.

I also have to start learning to be honest with myself, not an easy thing to do when you're whole life has been spent hiding behind a mask. I won't say lie, that wouldn't be fair as I have lived a life, some things I'm proud of, others I'm not. I carry my scars, like all of us, they are the signposts of a journey that have lead me to this point, they are my weaknesses, my fears my vulnerabilities. They are part of me and I shall learn to cherish them and forgive each one of them I step forward into the world once more

Geez that was heavy, I don't know where all this stuff is coming from, it just keeps bubbling up like 'old faithful' I blame it on country and western music


Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Oh Sadie,

Country Music has a lot to answer for. It tugs at our heart strings and makes us reflect on the human condition.

Of course it is the fault of those 'muricanos for bringing it into our lives and making us so sad.

I always have a cry at this one.

Ha, thats Glasgow and western Cindy, I think you are confusing the two.

No puppy dogs ever get lost in Glasgow

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: Shy on February 02, 2018, 04:25:59 AM
> I'm free to be whoever I want to be for the first time in my life

Sadie these words are massive - so significant, and such an achievement for you to state it this way.  Girl you own it!

My dear Sadie,

  Did hell freeze over? Is the apocalypse coming?  Here you are having the reality of being free to be yourself and we both are talking about being honest, not only with others but more importantly to ourselves. Surely the world is coming to an end or some as cataclysmic is about to occur. For you Hon, it's wonderful. And wonderful to see the changes occurring in you. I love seeing the progress you are making, from the time I first started hanging around these part and now with your return to us. I will admit you had me concerned for awhile there girl and I missed your being here. But you come back better prepared to face your future. You are doing that now with gusto. Keep walking down your path and soon you will see the goal in the distance and know that you can reach it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Kendra on February 02, 2018, 09:47:12 AM
Sadie these words are massive - so significant, and such an achievement for you to state it this way.  Girl you own it!

Thank you Kendra. The words are just an expression of where I've arrived in my journey. I do have trust issues to repair before I can embrace them fully, some post trauma that needs some loving. But they are positive words that I have risked all for, so I accept your encouragement with the innocence of a new born. Lets call this day 01 in Sadie's salon.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: Laurie on February 02, 2018, 10:04:16 AM
My dear Sadie,

  Did hell freeze over? Is the apocalypse coming?  Here you are having the reality of being free to be yourself and we both are talking about being honest, not only with others but more importantly to ourselves. Surely the world is coming to an end or some as cataclysmic is about to occur. For you Hon, it's wonderful. And wonderful to see the changes occurring in you. I love seeing the progress you are making, from the time I first started hanging around these part and now with your return to us. I will admit you had me concerned for awhile there girl and I missed your being here. But you come back better prepared to face your future. You are doing that now with gusto. Keep walking down your path and soon you will see the goal in the distance and know that you can reach it.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Yes I think hell did freeze over for a while but I put the heating on, and I thought we had the apocalypse in 2012, which I must say was not all it was cracked up to be.
I went AWOL because of the autism diagnosis, it nearly broke me to be honest. I was just beginning to come out of myself when the letter popped through my door telling me 'you're not feeling like this because of that, it was this other thing all along, sorry for waiting 58 years to tell you. So I had to do the responsible thing and try to separate autism from being trans. Turns out i'm both, i'm autranstastic and it doesn't matter anyway because i'm just me. Cindy taught me that:)

Enough about me anyways I want to know all about you. I must say that recent photo you posted I hardly recognised you. There was a confidence in the smile I had never seen before, and may I say the HRT looks good on you girl.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Need to take my fingers out of my ears, turn that country music off its hard to type with you tongue. Go with the flow love and see where it takes you, you never know it might be a nice place . I usually find thinks turn out right even if it looks wrong or bad at first

Quote from: davina61 on February 02, 2018, 03:35:51 PM
Need to take my fingers out of my ears, turn that country music off its hard to type with you tongue. Go with the flow love and see where it takes you, you never know it might be a nice place . I usually find thinks turn out right even if it looks wrong or bad at first

Ha, don't worry Davina, the country and westerns isn't coming from me, I think it's been blaring out from Lorries truck when she stops for her breakfast.

You're right of course, life is for living. I haven't found myself in many nice places as i've bungled my way through this world, but nothing says that can't change .

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: Shy on February 03, 2018, 11:00:30 AM
Ha, don't worry Davina, the country and westerns isn't coming from me, I think it's been blaring out from Lorries truck

Sadie

  Omg Sadie you do know me don't you? I listen mostly to C&W these days but I down like my hard rock of yesteryear. Heck, you know when you are getting older when the "oldies" on the radio are from the 80s and 90s. And I sure as heck do not care for that (c)rap style stuff or most of the garbage on the radio these days. I cannot agree with the filthy lyrics and songs performed by woman that believe dressing like a cheap hooker and gyrating on stage is a good role model for our children, but then their parent can't see what is wrong with it at all.
  The 3 genre you'll hear coming from the Lauriemobile is classical instrumentals Beethoven and Tchaikovsky are a couple I like. So acid/hard rock, C&W, and Classical sounds like a great combination to me.

Hugs,
   Laurie

Quote from: Laurie on February 03, 2018, 01:32:05 PM

  The 3 genre you'll hear coming from the Lauriemobile is classical instrumentals Beethoven and Tchaikovsky are a couple I like. So acid/hard rock, C&W, and Classical sounds like a great combination to me.

Ha, I was thinking Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" with a two-step twist.

Gave my old iMac a dead name clear out today. Everything has been Sadiefied from new email addresses to user accounts, forums to fitness apps. I think I've done a proper clean sweep, but I know something will pop up that I've forgotten.
I don't know why I didn't do it sooner, it was just know that when I go anywhere near technology it has a funny way of not working anymore.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: Shy on February 04, 2018, 03:44:43 PM
Ha, I was thinking Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" with a two-step twist.

Gave my old iMac a dead name clear out today. Everything has been Sadiefied from new email addresses to user accounts, forums to fitness apps. I think I've done a proper clean sweep, but I know something will pop up that I've forgotten.
I don't know why I didn't do it sooner, it was just know that when I go anywhere near technology it has a funny way of not working anymore.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Good for you, Sadie. Yes, why didn't you do it sooner?

Hugs,
   Laurie

Sent from my LGL44VL using Tapatalk

Quote from: Shy on February 02, 2018, 04:25:59 AM
I'm free to be whoever I want to be for the first time in my life But, and there always seems to be a but, finding that person is going to take some time.

Finally being able to be who are is such a liberating feeling..knowing who you are will come now that you are able to feely express yourself without restriction. It time to try a few things out and I am sure you will find your "groove" easily.

Hugs

Liz

Quote from: Laurie on February 04, 2018, 11:56:33 PM
Good for you, Sadie. Yes, why didn't you do it sooner?

I'm just one of those people who needs to take time over things. When I'm ready, and I've done the groundwork, I usually snap into action

Peace and love and all that good stuff

Sadie

Quote from: ElizabethK on February 06, 2018, 07:26:20 PM
Finally being able to be who are is such a liberating feeling..knowing who you are will come now that you are able to feely express yourself without restriction. It time to try a few things out and I am sure you will find your "groove" easily.

It's going to take some time Liz, but each day I seem to uncover another hidden part of me that was abandoned in my endless struggle to try and fit in.
I'm free to be me now though, what that means I'm not sure yet. I guess it's just a matter of breaking old habits and recognising the clever tricks I used to disguise my identity from the world. I've been doing it from the moment I was old enough to recognise shame and the gnawing teeth of social injustice.
So the more I discover myself the stronger I get, like you all know none of this comes easy, self-esteem takes time to build and that can only come as I experience more of the world as myself.

Hope you are well, Liz

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Quote from: Shy on February 07, 2018, 04:18:46 AM
It's going to take some time Liz, but each day I seem to uncover another hidden part of me that was abandoned in my endless struggle to try and fit in.
I'm free to be me now though, what that means I'm not sure yet. I guess it's just a matter of breaking old habits and recognising the clever tricks I used to disguise my identity from the world. I've been doing it from the moment I was old enough to recognise shame and the gnawing teeth of social injustice.
So the more I discover myself the stronger I get, like you all know none of this comes easy, self-esteem takes time to build and that can only come as I experience more of the world as myself.

Hope you are well, Liz

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

I'm not Liz, but yes, Sadie, this process goes on for quite a while.  I'm almost two years out, on HRT over a year and a half, and four months post-op.  I'm still discovering things about myself every day.

I had a therapy session yesterday, and even there, more self-discovery!  I continue to learn more about myself, my relationships with others, the depths and breadths of the human experience.

There are worlds locked away inside each of us, awaiting our finding the key to unlock them and the strength to explore them.

Quote from: Michelle_P on February 08, 2018, 01:17:48 PM
I'm not Liz, but yes, Sadie, this process goes on for quite a while.  I'm almost two years out, on HRT over a year and a half, and four months post-op.  I'm still discovering things about myself every day.

I had a therapy session yesterday, and even there, more self-discovery!  I continue to learn more about myself, my relationships with others, the depths and breadths of the human experience.

There are worlds locked away inside each of us, awaiting our finding the key to unlock them and the strength to explore them.

Thanks Michelle 

I want to transition now, or should I say need to transition for my own well being and safety. A month or so ago I couldn't say that with conviction. I knew in my head that was the best thing for me, just needed my heart to say it was o.k. And it is I'm taking back control and responsibility for my life for the first time in, well I guess.....ever? So it's all quite strange.

Most of my worries for the next few year will be out of my hands. Until I have official conformation that HRT followed by surgery will be available for me here in the U.K. I just have to trust that things will work out o.k. I've got this far on my own so I hope the offer of treatment will just be a formality, I just don't know. It may be a few years wait to find out, again I don't know about that either.

In the mean time I can officially change my name, work on my voice and just get out into the world as myself.
I'd like to sign up for a pottery class, I need to make contact with the local autistic society and maybe get a little pro active there. I'm a graphic designer so I'm sure they can use my skillset. So lots of stuff to be getting on with.

It's amazing how much all of you have helped me, just by sharing your lives with such honesty. It's going to be o.k. I'm in a much better place now than I have ever been, not an easy place by any stretch, but definitely a better place.

Hope you are well and Laurie hasn't eaten all of your quinoa

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

Before I became full-time I visited a salon for the first time, since I live in a small town I traveled to a larger town... it was indeed a scary endeavor to get my eyebrows, nails and hair done...  I found the staff to be very helpful and not judgemental even though it should have been obvious to them that I was not a cis woman.  I found it "almost" as scary as going for a mammogram that my doctor suggested to just get a benchmark on record.
Since then I have been to other salons, local ones, to get stuff done and to get waxed... the pain was not that bad, even the stomach and bikini wax...  because I have not had bottom surgery I felt quite a bit of trepidation but the gal that did the waxing never blinked an eye as I winced everytime she pulled the wax strips off.
My feeling is that the salons, any salon wants our business no matter who we are. I enjoyed getting pampered... men are missing out on one of life's pleasures.

Hi Sadie,

  No I didn't eat up all of Michelle's quinoa. It wasn't bad at all for an introduction to it. Michelle used a recipe that Jessica suggested with roasted Brussel sprouts and onions vinaigrette type sauce. I never cared for Brussel sprouts and hadn't had any in decades. All in all it was pretty good.
  It's a shame you girls have such long waits for any Transgender services there but I am pleased to see you will be moving ahead with the things you can do.

Keep up the progress Hun.

Hugs,
  Laurie

Quote from: Aspiringperson on February 08, 2018, 03:52:45 PM
Before I became full-time I visited a salon for the first time, since I live in a small town I traveled to a larger town... it was indeed a scary endeavor to get my eyebrows, nails and hair done...  I found the staff to be very helpful and not judgemental even though it should have been obvious to them that I was not a cis woman.  I found it "almost" as scary as going for a mammogram that my doctor suggested to just get a benchmark on record.
Since then I have been to other salons, local ones, to get stuff done and to get waxed... the pain was not that bad, even the stomach and bikini wax...  because I have not had bottom surgery I felt quite a bit of trepidation but the gal that did the waxing never blinked an eye as I winced everytime she pulled the wax strips off.
My feeling is that the salons, any salon wants our business no matter who we are. I enjoyed getting pampered... men are missing out on one of life's pleasures.

I've found the same, have no issues with salons now as long as they deliver a good service. You have to be savvy and shop around a bit until you find your go to.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie