I often deal with anxiety and depression so I tend to read various related articles in an effort to better understand what I and others are going through

Came across an interesting article that was somewhat relatable posted by Medical Press

It would be interesting to hear of other peoples experiences and how they deal with issues such as Depression etc.

Have you sought or are involved in therapy? How does it relate to your dysphoria? What seems to help?

Hugs

The article says they used different forums for control, but I'm not convinced that's an adequate method of comparison. Wouldn't there necessarily be a higher degree of negative terms and the use of first person in posts about oneself having negative emotions in a thread about depression than in a thread about, say, techniques for studying on a student's forum? Wouldn't it be more enlightening to produce a study where both people with mental health issues and people without wrote about innocuous topics unrelated to thier state of mind? Wouldn't it be more beneficial to spot a person in need of help by thier working diction even if they weren't being open about their state of wellbeing?

I never told anyone about my thoughts and feelings until things got so bad that I had to be involuntarily hospitalized. Would be interesting to know if there had been any tells in my speech patterns.

That's a very interesting article. It's something I hadn't realised before and can certainly see now in some of the posts here, now I think about it.

Depression has been a familiar adversary of mine for most of my life. On and off ever since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 14. A lot of stuff in my life has caused it to come back, and some times I didn't deal with it at all well. I've taken it to the ultimate extreme more than once, such was the dark hole I found myself in. Times where there didn't seem a way out other than the one, final way out. It was really only luck that I'm still here today. I don't believe in divine providence. But I was lucky.

I have had therapy a couple of times. And both times it helped, a lot. Right up until something happened to make those stormclouds gather again. I'm not going to say that it can't help, because it most definitely can. And I would recommend it as something for people to consider if they are dealing with depression. In my case, though, I had to deal with stuff that... well... the second time especially was life changing, on so many levels. And not in a good way. And I didn't know how... no, that's not right, I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to get through it. I just wanted out. I don't think that was depression as much as it was just trying to (not) cope with a crushing reality of something that changed the entire way you have to live your life. But it played a part. It coloured my decisions.

That was, in a big way, related to my dysphoria. And my future. Not gonna say anymore because I really don't want to think about that time anymore. It was probably the worst time in my life. By quite some way.

But you ask what seems to help... for me, not focusing on myself helps. Focusing on other people and trying to help them not feel the things I feel. That helps. To see someone else smile, to see them happy. That helps. And to see them reach a place they always wanted to be but never thought they could. That helps. It gives me a feeling of self worth. And making a difference.

Depression always feels, to me, like trying to swim out of a whirlpool which is trying to suck you in. And having aims outside myself... focusing on others who need help to not get sucked in themselves gives me impetus and something to swim towards, as it were. Sometimes being alone with my thoughts can be the worst thing I can do. So I try not to do it. And focus outwards instead.

*extra big hug* You know my inbox is always open if you want to talk, Virginia. And to anyone else dealing with this stuff.

As mentioned I've read various articles on the subject, that one just happened to be the one that I'd read today

More importantly, I wanted to begin an open discussion in hopes of creating a forum that would be beneficial to both myself and others, a form of group therapy if you will

Participate and share and let's all help each other

Hugs

Quote from: Sephirah on February 03, 2018, 07:26:55 PM
That's a very interesting article. It's something I hadn't realised before and can certainly see now in some of the posts here, now I think about it.

Depression has been a familiar adversary of mine for most of my life. On and off ever since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 14. A lot of stuff in my life has caused it to come back, and some times I didn't deal with it at all well. I've taken it to the ultimate extreme more than once, such was the dark hole I found myself in. Times where there didn't seem a way out other than the one, final way out. It was really only luck that I'm still here today. I don't believe in divine providence. But I was lucky.

I have had therapy a couple of times. And both times it helped, a lot. Right up until something happened to make those stormclouds gather again. I'm not going to say that it can't help, because it most definitely can. And I would recommend it as something for people to consider if they are dealing with depression. In my case, though, I had to deal with stuff that... well... the second time especially was life changing, on so many levels. And not in a good way. And I didn't know how... no, that's not right, I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to get through it. I just wanted out. I don't think that was depression as much as it was just trying to (not) cope with a crushing reality of something that changed the entire way you have to live your life. But it played a part. It coloured my decisions.

That was, in a big way, related to my dysphoria. And my future. Not gonna say anymore because I really don't want to think about that time anymore. It was probably the worst time in my life. By quite some way.

But you ask what seems to help... for me, not focusing on myself helps. Focusing on other people and trying to help them not feel the things I feel. That helps. To see someone else smile, to see them happy. That helps. And to see them reach a place they always wanted to be but never thought they could. That helps. It gives me a feeling of self worth. And making a difference.

Depression always feels, to me, like trying to swim out of a whirlpool which is trying to suck you in. And having aims outside myself... focusing on others who need help to not get sucked in themselves gives me impetus and something to swim towards, as it were. Sometimes being alone with my thoughts can be the worst thing I can do. So I try not to do it. And focus outwards instead.

*extra big hug* You know my inbox is always open if you want to talk, Virginia. And to anyone else dealing with this stuff.

Excellent answer, and you are always welcome to talk to me as well

*Extra Wild and Cuddly Spider Monkey Hugs*

It's so different for everyone. I honestly find I'm depressed at "things". I know it sounds a bit weird but when I feel like I can't change something or stand up for myself it feels so discouraging to me. It's pretty oppressive actually.

I could write a list of what those things are and I probably will. It's a bit of OCD right now. Okay, it's because I have roommates and they really, well mostly just one of them, doesn't have etiquette. It's very annoying he leaves corn flakes cereal on the countertop to just soak and dissolve. He's always watching sports and movies on a table right outsids my room and it's loud. There's more but you get the picture. I'll have to confront him and it just makes me nervous and stressed. 

Well that's my rant. I'm trying to learn to cope better now. Before transitioning with mtf hrt I would drink alcohol until I blacked out and masturbate constantly to numb all emotions. Yeah it's embarrassing to admit but true.

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I guess I've had depression since as long as I can remember but like my transgender identity I always denied it.  I'm quite sure my suppression of my identity played a role in its course.  I wasn't diagnosed and treated for it until I was 50 (yeah I had been hospitalized for suicide attempts before and done the couch trip more than a few times but nobody ever caught it before that)  and that was only after my GP had done every test in the book to try to discover why I was suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  (To be fair tho, I was hiding a pretty big piece of the puzzle from them and from myself.)

Finally one day he told me I needed to try SSRI's.  He told me a story about when he was a resident his mentor once told him, "If you find a person who is always making everyone in the room depressed, odds are they've got depression."  I fought him on the SSRI's but he read me the riot act and accused me of being a "treatment resistant" patient.  I submitted to his treatment and within a month or two I was feeling better.  This after a 10 month bout with not even hardly having enough energy to be able to get out of bed and walk over to the computer to sit in front of it most days.
I think my denial of my feelings (sound familiar trans people?) worsened my depression to the point where it just finally started to express as physical fatigue.  My body finally stepped in and demanded my attention.

I also find that stress is a big trigger for me.  I'm much more aware now tho and sensitive to it.  I know it stalks me around my perimeter.  Waiting.  So I'm extra sensitive and vigilant to its signs now.

This is quite a complicated question for me so I'm just going to make a brief statement right now.Ive been in a state of depression all my life , but managed to cope with it somehow until recently . My trans thing is interwoven with the depression thing and really cant be separated from each other Ive been in and out of therapy almost as long as Ive been in depression. Ive been in therapy they last 5years while transitioning. I'm on anti anxiety and anti psychotic meds. I reufused to take meds for a long time because I wanted to do it myself as far as coping , but about 5 months ago I had a serious breakdown mentally soI gavethe meds a trry becauseI was in just too much pain. I don't know how long I'll give meds a try , but they are definitely helping. As far as my speech is connected to my depression when I'm depressed all I talk about is loneliness since being on the meds I don't talk about loneliness much

Quote from: V M on February 03, 2018, 07:46:07 PM

Quote from: Sephirah on February 03, 2018, 07:26:55 PM
That's a very interesting article. It's something I hadn't realised before and can certainly see now in some of the posts here, now I think about it.

Depression has been a familiar adversary of mine for most of my life. On and off ever since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 14. A lot of stuff in my life has caused it to come back, and some times I didn't deal with it at all well. I've taken it to the ultimate extreme more than once, such was the dark hole I found myself in. Times where there didn't seem a way out other than the one, final way out. It was really only luck that I'm still here today. I don't believe in divine providence. But I was lucky.

I have had therapy a couple of times. And both times it helped, a lot. Right up until something happened to make those stormclouds gather again. I'm not going to say that it can't help, because it most definitely can. And I would recommend it as something for people to consider if they are dealing with depression. In my case, though, I had to deal with stuff that... well... the second time especially was life changing, on so many levels. And not in a good way. And I didn't know how... no, that's not right, I didn't want to deal with it. I didn't want to get through it. I just wanted out. I don't think that was depression as much as it was just trying to (not) cope with a crushing reality of something that changed the entire way you have to live your life. But it played a part. It coloured my decisions.

That was, in a big way, related to my dysphoria. And my future. Not gonna say anymore because I really don't want to think about that time anymore. It was probably the worst time in my life. By quite some way.

But you ask what seems to help... for me, not focusing on myself helps. Focusing on other people and trying to help them not feel the things I feel. That helps. To see someone else smile, to see them happy. That helps. And to see them reach a place they always wanted to be but never thought they could. That helps. It gives me a feeling of self worth. And making a difference.

Depression always feels, to me, like trying to swim out of a whirlpool which is trying to suck you in. And having aims outside myself... focusing on others who need help to not get sucked in themselves gives me impetus and something to swim towards, as it were. Sometimes being alone with my thoughts can be the worst thing I can do. So I try not to do it. And focus outwards instead.

*extra big hug* You know my inbox is always open if you want to talk, Virginia. And to anyone else dealing with this stuff.

Excellent answer, and you are always welcome to talk to me as well

*Extra Wild and Cuddly Spider Monkey Hugs*

Depression always feels, to me, like trying to swim out of a whirlpool which is trying to suck you in. And having aims outside myself... focusing on others who need help to not get sucked in themselves gives me impetus and something to swim towards, as it were. Sometimes being alone with my thoughts can be the worst thing I can do. So I try not to do it. And focus outwards instead.

So true.


*Extra Wild and Cuddly Spider Monkey Hugs*

Very very definitely 

Hmm, one of my life long pals (I hate to use the term friend). Disclosed today to a family friend that is at age 14, I was looking in the roof of their garage for a place to die.

My current mental health is the primary focus of my therapy - there is not a lot I can do about flashbacks, other than learn to better handle them, but I need to spend time focussed on me.

Now I'll shut up, otherwise Laurie and Moany (meanie?) will be along and slap me to the middle of next week. Not that I'll mind much, it saves me having to experience the days in between.


(Hugs)

Rowan

I lived with Depression and Anxiety as long as I can remember. Every time we had people over they would always ask why don't I speak or play with other kids. Every time my parents would call me shy. I learned to cope from within seeking answers from the good around me. I've had about 5 therapists to deal with loss, depression from my anxiety holding me back, the fear of failing the expectations of others.

I never really fit in any groups growing up in highly conservative places. I've been through all the different phases of depression. You name it I may have done it, going 120 on the highway, drugs, drinks, food binges, high intensity work outs, quit jobs out of the blue, getting into fights. I never liked meds as they numbed who I was, they did get rid of my aggression. but they are not for me but doesn't mean its not for someone else. My lowest was actual a milestone. I wanted to see if i can survive the wilderness of Tennessee with basic survival items. 6 months later with a mud hut and small plot of crops I got bored and went home. Little bit later I joined the military. Discovered my aggression was because I never really allowed myself to be me.

I feel like having goals or "your eye on the prize" helps getting out of funks. A few of my military buddies have told me to take that one step forward no matter how small at least you'll be closer to your destination. Just that one step forward and if you ever need that push remember of the past bs you walked over. So when things get tough I may sulk or eat more then what I am supposed to but I feel like i get back on the bike and keep pedaling. Same goes for depression from dysphoria, it just takes baby steps but the end results will be awesometastic!

  I have been depressed only twice that I know of. I probably was before but I cannot say for sure. The first came from  after my daughter left home not speaking to me, being divorced, losing a long time job, and my dad dying. The last three happened within a 6 month period. It is a wonder that the things I did didn't result in my death several times and sort of ended after I was unable to pull the trigger on the shotgun in my mouth. After 2 years I somehow boxed then all up and shoved them into a dark corner of my mind over 20 years ago. This last time was brought on over my daughter not accepting me as trans, then posting a denouncement of me and blaming several thing from her childhood on me and others things that are not true as she portrayed them. Basically she indulged in character assassination of me on Facebook. That was just the catalyst of more events that go me down. Like that box of depression from 20 years ago grabbing onto me again. And then the realization that I have hated myself since I was a kid because the things I liked was wrong for a boy to want to have or do. Those three events had me wanting to take that walk into a forest with my shotgun again. It wasn't just suicidal ideation, it became a plan. I knew how, had a place generally the exact place would be found when the day came. That day would be this spring. I just have to wait.
  What changed? Nothing really. Not one single thing that got me here has changed. Nothing has been resolved or fixed. Not they are all still there waiting. Okay there was one thing that changed. I am taking an antidepressant and it is working now. one of those SSRIs. They do help. I am not thinking of doing away will myself. They've made it so even though I'm not sure I want to be here but then again I am also not sure any longer that I don't.
  It's not ideal but it does give me time to work of those things that got me here in the first place.

Depression sucks
  Laurie

I have been depressed a couple of times Once just going into my 20s i lost my father and realized i was probably Transgender just before he passed away, i was about to tell my family and then he dies on me, that affected me so much i took some time to heal, but during this process i got engulfed in a crapstorm of just plain bad.... it was a suckfest one bad thing after the other, just pushing me down and down and further down the rabbit hole, during all of this, i didnt want to deal with my life so i just kept getting caught up in other peoples problems because i didnt want to
deal with mine, until my feelings went away, and just hide from everything watch tv whatever until everything is ok i call this my bubble world where everything is fine, i escaped into this for quite some time (years) it wasnt until last year where i had realized i had given up and how it was going to be to claw my way out of this bubble and then again having to deal with my being Transgender

I would get anxiety when it comes to having to care about my life because i didnt want to, or didnt know how to deal with it just how bad it has become

Interesting replies regarding depression and related issues

I take it rather seriously as I am hoping to avert another suicide attempt

Quote from: V M on February 10, 2018, 06:38:16 AM
Interesting replies regarding depression and related issues

I take it rather seriously as I am hoping to avert another suicide attempt

Depression is a very serious matter and too many people take this real condition too lightly.

It is not simply like 'Oh she is just having another "down in the dumps day" or "she is having the blues again or is in a funk," this can be very serious and persistent.  Each person should be evaluated for her or his situation by a competent professional and receive the right treatment and the rest of us need to be kind and thoughtful.  Now, I think one can be in a down mood every so often and not be clinically depressed but I am not competent to judge all those possible situations.  There is related material online to possibly use a a first step informational reference about this matter.

Interesting article.

I never kept a diary except for one year (1995) because I took a trip abroad for a few months and wanted to document it. I was 16 at the time and safe to say extremely depressed and screwed up. I remember the language in the entries was similar to what they say in the article. Focus on the self, negative words, angry expressions, contempt for things going on around me and often people around me, lots of criticism, not much praise except for the small things that might have raised my mood but was usually followed by something equal in the negative, as I was fully expecting any good thing to be wiped out by a bad thing immediately after. Looking back it's hard to recognize myself in the words but I know where it was coming from. I think the article was on point in my case, you often don't get opportunity to speak about depression when you're depressed since nobody wants to hear it, but you can write as much as you like. The writing can seem alien when you read over it from a future point with a wider perspective.

What struck me was how similar some of the expressions I had used or the way things were phrased were similar to the writings of teenagers who'd shot up schools. I wasn't anywhere near that and I knew nothing about those people, but all the same, it must have been a dark place I was in and without any tempering experience and it was no doubt the worst decade of my life. Writing might be able to identify these things in advance, but I suppose people don't share their private thoughts easily and anyone who finds it is probably not trained to spot any of this stuff.

I can't say I'm depressed at the moment - if I am I must be numb to it. But I do live in a stressful environment. It must be taking a toll somehow. At this point I'm not sure where or how as the HRT has removed most of the "background noise". But it was getting unbearable before HRT and I was getting violent out of the feeling of being stuck in a cage with no exit, made to desire some kind of connection but denied on all fronts. I'd already tried therapy and councilors twice and they were no use, antidepressants never worked on me.

Being on E does make you a lot more sensitive, or it did me, anyway. I'm not sure how exactly I coped with that since my brain didn't seem to have been designed for it. I guess I was all right as long as there was some hope for change somewhere. It's when that hope disappeared completely that I couldn't deal, and when all and any support network vanished and being at home felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. Oppressive. So I guess try to maintain contact with people and try to keep working on what's missing. back then talking did seem to help somehow. Now, I don't think it does. It feels like I have to act, not talk. But when you have a need for connection and affirmation from others it does actually help a lot to receive it.

The depression and anxiety thing is really killing me today, but I've actually felt this way for quite awhile

I feel like I just don't belong in this world and besides with all the budget cuts, health issues and loss of benefits I can't really afford it anyway and I don't want to be a burden on anyone else, other folks have their own issues to deal with

I'll probably be okay but the future looks rather uncertain and foreboding right now

Take care all

Hugs

Quote from: V M on February 18, 2018, 07:13:21 PM
The depression and anxiety thing is really killing me today, but I've actually felt this way for quite awhile

I feel like I just don't belong in this world and besides with all the budget cuts, health issues and loss of benefits I can't really afford it anyway and I don't want to be a burden on anyone else, other folks have their own issues to deal with

I'll probably be okay but the future looks rather uncertain and foreboding right now

Take care all

Hugs

Do you take progesterone? I'm not trying to promote taking it or any another medication (always consult with a medical professional). I was also struggling with anxiety and depression on just estradiol and spiro. I think talking to my doctor and adding progesterone helped.

Also talking to a therapist helps me every week. It was suggested I go 2-3x a week but I'm doing better now.

What makes you feel like you don't belong in this world?

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