Haven't been able to wear any female gear for over a month due to work so yesterday was my one day off and I was happy to be able to get my normal clothes on.
So I threw something together and I looked really cute.
Then I saw my man face and basically broke down.
I thought nothing makeup won't fix (although cleaning tears up took forever) but once I was done I actually thought I looked worse.
So I put on my favourite long wig and that was better, not great but better.

Why do I have to have this stupid face grrr

unfortunately it is something we have to deal with. Try to keep in mind, many cis females look masculine and they are in the same boat. I'm still bailing.

     Katie please remember we are are our own worst critics I too believe most days I look terrible and if I had been allowed the choice I would be still mostly in the closet being out in my small town I must go out as myself every day no matter how I feel I look, after a while what we see in the mirror becomes less important than living life , what we see in the mirror is not what everyone else sees be kind to yourself [this is great advice I may even follow it one day] I think you look fine go on with your day the world awaits

     bobbisue

I posted this as a separate thread a few weeks ago, and to yet another thread just a few days ago. I think all of us hit the point somewhere in our journey where we feel we will never 'pass'...

I still have a long way to go on my journey, but today I realized something that overshadows all of my doubts and fears. Before starting my journey I looked in a mirror and thought 'Wow, you are going to be one ugly woman'. I started the journey anyway, hoping HRT would perform magic and that one day I would at least be average in appearance. Today I suddenly realized that it does not matter whether or not others think I am beautiful, plain, or homely, what matters most is that I will finally be 'me'. No matter what others may say or think, I know that I am beautiful and unique. In all the world I am the only person who can be me. After all these years of living in darkness, letting my soul into the light and simply being me is all that I need.

Of course I am still going to try to be the prettiest 'me' that I can, but I refuse to let my perception of how I look get in my way. It isn't easy, it is hard to ignore our own and other's perceptions of us. I am still quite apprehensive whenever I go out. After decades of frustration and anger, a few odd looks and comments is a small price to pay for me to finally be able to let my soul out of the darkness where it has been imprisoned for so many years.

I have no illusions that I can be 100% feminine. I'm too big and my bones are different. But, today for the first time I realized it doesn't matter. As long as I am me, pass or not pass that's the best I can do. No point in worrying about things we can't change, or things that will resolve with more time. Enjoy the moment.

I can look in the mirror and see a gorgeous woman. Fifteen minutes later, see a sight that tells me not to venture outside. Of course, we are our own worst critics. There are many cis women that look much more masculine than I do. So, I grin and bear it, and I don't even wear makeup.

Try that train of thought.

Thanks
It's not even about passing all the time. I just can't deal with this boy face.
I have long pretty hair, I am losing weight and doing everything I can do to be feminine.

Just those stupid facial lines and square jaw hell.

I'm just upset and frustrated that going private is going to cost me far more than I can afford right now

Hello Katie

I am of course from UK also from NW England in fact.

I know just how you feel. I feel unhappy every time I look in the mirror and this includes accidentally on a bus or in supermarket.

May I suggest you try GenderGP - they are a private service but at a reasonable cost. If you are transgender and I am sure you are, you should only require 1 or 2 counselling sessions and providing blood tests OK, you should be able to start HRT within 3 months.  Other British members of Susan's aswell as I are with them and I am treated really well.

I hope you soon feel better and good luck if you choose private.

Pamela

Quote from: CallMeKatie on February 04, 2018, 03:28:58 PM
Haven't been able to wear any female gear for over a month due to work so yesterday was my one day off and I was happy to be able to get my normal clothes on.
So I threw something together and I looked really cute.
Then I saw my man face and basically broke down.
I thought nothing makeup won't fix (although cleaning tears up took forever) but once I was done I actually thought I looked worse.
So I put on my favourite long wig and that was better, not great but better.

Why do I have to have this stupid face grrr

Katie -

    When I first saw your avatar I thought you had posted a picture of my ex-sister-in-law (a cis woman).  I believe you have a great base (bones, skin, shape). 

     Chin up you look good.

     As I've posted a few times, being accepted as a woman is probably more about mannerisms than almost anything else.  Okay, maybe a full Grizzly Adams beard would put a damper on it too.

- Denise

Quote from: Denise on February 06, 2018, 07:33:07 AM
Katie -

    When I first saw your avatar I thought you had posted a picture of my ex-sister-in-law (a cis woman).  I believe you have a great base (bones, skin, shape). 

     Chin up you look good.

     As I've posted a few times, being accepted as a woman is probably more about mannerisms than almost anything else.  Okay, maybe a full Grizzly Adams beard would put a damper on it too.



- Denise

I will say thank you but that photo isn't ME or rather it is a modified version of me using an app called faceapp that can make your face feminine.

A few people have thought it's me, so I am gonna change it as it's making me sad as I look literally nothing like that

Love the outfit Katie!  Looks lovely.

And try not to stress too much about the face.  There are PLENTY of examples on-line of girls who started out looking far more masculine than you currently do and after years of hormones and FFS easily pass as ciswomen.

Easier said than done but patience is the key!  Just wish I could listen to my own advice! lol