Hi,

I read a couple of comments in Charlie Nicki's Diary that really hit home with me.  Two people realized that their attraction to the female's around them was more envy than sexual attraction.

I never really thought about this until now.  Looking back, I distinctly remember going on dates in high school with very beautiful girls.   I didn't really want to make out with them.  I just wanted to look at them.  I was so jealous of what they looked like.   I'm sure they thought I was a little strange that I wasn't trying to make out with them.  Sometimes we would eventually make out but the initial motivation was to be close to someone I wanted to be like.

When I look at women, especially beautiful women, I don't believe I'm looking at them sexually.   I believe I'm just jealous of their looks mostly.

Does this sort of thing sound strange, familiar?   I guess this confuses me a bit because I always thought I was attracted to woman.

Take care,
Paige

I'm guessing this can only happen if your sexuality is more fluid. I'm straight and I have never mistaken my jealousy for women as attraction. I'm only attracted to men.

Paige,

I can relate to that guy experience somewhat back in high school, but I was very much more physically attracted to the beautiful girls.  I did say sometimes then wow, if I were a girl I would want to look as good as she looks.  But I did not think at that time that I wanted to be a girl.

They did not have to look fabulous to be attracted to them, but if they did look beautiful, that
was a plus.  Guys are very visually attracted for the most part I think.

But there are lots of interesting and otherwise attractive ladies who are not super pretty, so looks are definitely not everything.  Good looks gets one noticed for that, good looks.  But then you might not be an interesting or a good, warm hearted person, even with those good looks.

Chrissy

Little bit of attraction but mostly envy.  Realized that from the beginning.

A lot of "I wanna wear that" along with the  "I wanna be her". 

I was always wishing I could wear what the girls were wearing and would try to copy things I liked when I had the chance to dress up. 


Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

Quote from: Ellement_of_Freedom on February 06, 2018, 06:33:04 PM
I'm guessing this can only happen if your sexuality is more fluid. I'm straight and I have never mistaken my jealousy for women as attraction. I'm only attracted to men.

Same for me. I think if anything more recently I confused the two (attraction and envy) and that made me super dysphoric. Is that weird? I just knew I don't want to be with a woman, I want to be one. I think maybe hormones plays some role in sexuality. Maybe I'm bi after all but wanted to identify with my femininity through my attraction to men. Who knows, but I think it's kinda cute if a girl likes me when I'm a girl too lol

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk

Did you have sex with women?  As in, did you put your penis in a woman's vagina and enjoy it? I'm pretty sure that counts as sexual attraction!  Maybe it's also envy too, but it's definitely sexual attraction if you engaged in intercourse.

There's nothing wrong with that of course. It just means you're sexually attracted to women.  Or maybe you've been bisexual all along and didn't realize it until later. That's fine too. 

I have a hard time separating envy from sexual attraction, perhaps because I am probably closer to asexual than anything else.  I never really understood sexual attraction.  I realize now that it was both: I envied women and I was attracted to them, to the extent that I am attracted to anyone.  My attraction to women is more evident when I realize that I am repulsed by men.

Quote from: KathyLauren on February 06, 2018, 07:25:37 PM
I have a hard time separating envy from sexual attraction, perhaps because I am probably closer to asexual than anything else.  I never really understood sexual attraction.  I realize now that it was both: I envied women and I was attracted to them, to the extent that I am attracted to anyone.  My attraction to women is more evident when I realize that I am repulsed by men.

Almost mirror minds Kathy!

Paige!...Does it sound familiar?... Yes!!!... Quite!!!

For me...My entire life for 50+ years...I thought the attraction I had always felt for females was normal and my sexual relationships with women were normal...I had nothing to compare it to...

As I was starting out on the path of transition, I came to realize what I had always felt was closer to hero worship of women... All of the great loves of my life were the ones that I wanted to be the most... My attraction quickly slipped away never to be seen again and here I am... married for the first time in my life, to a man... life is amazing... Things we can assume are fact about ourself for a lifetime... can fall away, to reveal a deeper truth, when we are ready to receive it...

Onward we go brave sisters....

Ashley 😀❤️🌻

No sure which camp I fall into...Envy maybe...I fell head over heels in love with my wife the first time I set eyes on her and she felt exactly the same way about me. Up until that point I found the whole sex thing quite tiresome and really didn't understand what the big deal was....In my head I was always the woman.

Despite being totally, completely head over heels in love it did not change how I felt but I am still deeply in love with her.

on the other hand...

I had what could only be a crush on a guy I worked with when I was nursing...I used to think of him in ways I never had before...I didn't like that another guy would want me because I was a guy. I wanted him to want me because I was a girl. 

I still remain ambivalent when it comes to sex....maybe when I get the right equipment it might be different 

Liz

      It was a bit of both for me really.  I was definitely attracted to women, though I was really too shy to do much about it early on in life.  Back then the walls I put in my head interfered with me knowing exactly what I wanted.  At some point though (early 30's maybe) I knew I wanted to be a woman (just didn't think getting there was possible) and especially after that point while still being attracted to women, I was also envious. 

      I also find men generally icky and am utterly unattracted to them, but as my desires of being a woman became harder and harder to ignore (last 4 years), I also had to start viewing myself as the woman when having sex with my wife.  Stranger still (to me), while I still find men unattractive, my sexual fantasies started to incorporate penile penetration into my imagined vagina with either some generic mannequin-esque  male figure or another woman with a strap on. 

     At this point I am very curious to see what happens once I am on hrt...*brave new world*.  Scary and exciting

          -Julie

Quote from: transgenx on February 06, 2018, 08:55:31 PM


      I also find men generally icky and am utterly unattracted to them, but as my desires of being a woman became harder and harder to ignore (last 4 years), I also had to start viewing myself as the woman when having sex with my wife.  Stranger still (to me), while I still find men unattractive, my sexual fantasies started to incorporate penile penetration into my imagined vagina with either some generic mannequin-esque  male figure or another woman with a strap on. 

     At this point I am very curious to see what happens once I am on hrt...*brave new world*.  Scary and exciting

          -Julie

Pretty similar here, though no penile  penetration or strap-on  fantasies.  Getting close to a year on HRT and I'm more convinced than ever that I am a lesbian.  I read the posts here from girls getting excited about dates with guys and I while I'm happy for them, I just can't picture myself in their place. 

Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

So much of this sounds familiar. I figured out early on that I was bi. I was more than capable of talking to and being friends with girls but I couldn't take it further and I kinda knew why, but not quite. Essentially I'd go to sleep and be a woman and I would have a gorgeous boyfriend and that would make me rather happy. I've only ever been with girls which is fun but I can totally relate to the envy. I think that ruined a few friendships over the years. In terms of my current sexual attraction I am attracted to my partner who is a woman and to women in general but I also fancy some men. I certainly dream about being with a guy as a woman (that's been a constant since I started puberty!). I doubt I will ever act on it though.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk

I have always been curious what it would be like to be attracted to women, I think that my life would have been easier had I been attracted to them. The grass is always greener right?

😄 Like physically repulsed by men? Just to clarify, man hate runs rampant sometimes. So, do you girls get that, uuuuh in the pit of your stomachs with women that I do when I am around a man that I am attracted to? Also, I can't imagine a girl, wanting I guess, or having the physical desire that men do, it can be intoxicating being wanted that much. Just a need really that they have but it feels good to be the object of that need. Pathetic of me huh? 😆 I know we vilify men, I am guilty too, but they can be pretty incredible as well.

Hmmm, I am pretty sure that I have always had a feel for the distinction. Probably because of how difficult it was for me being with girls. It was always like, Okay, now what? That? Really? No I don't think I want to, pretty sure I won't like it. I was curious, you hear how guys talk about girls and it sounds wonderful, but I never managed to enjoy it. I would think that it would be easy to confuse the two feelings and I probably did before going out with a girl the first time. I do know that I thought about them all of the time but really I knew long before ever dating a girl that I wanted to be one.

Quote from: FinallyMichelle on February 07, 2018, 06:41:14 AM
😄 Like physically repulsed by men?

For me, yes.  There is probably a lot going in for me subconsciously surrounding that.  Probably some leftover homophobia from when I thought I was a man.  Probably some body dysphoria about penises.  But the idea of someone bringing a penis near me...  Ugh!  Get that thing away from me!

Quote from: FinallyMichelle on February 07, 2018, 06:41:14 AM

😄 Like physically repulsed by men? Just to clarify, man hate runs rampant sometimes. So, do you girls get that, uuuuh in the pit of your stomachs with women that I do when I am around a man that I am attracted to?  😆 I know we vilify men, I am guilty too, but they can be pretty incredible as well.

Just to clarify, I don't hate or villify men.  But if I take any given male off of the street and think about being intimate with him, it gives me the willies!  Now the crazy part, as I mentioned earlier, in fantasies if I take a generic male form without any features, it is a turn on to imagine penetration into a vagina (imagined on my part at this point) by said generic male's penis.  So, I am open with myself about being trans and all that entails, but there are parts of my brain would only let me consider being with a man in the most generic sense.  I suspect after HRT I will find myself in the bi category.

          -Julie

For me its a bit of both. I am technically bi-sexual.. but I ended up marrying a man..

I was always jealous of women, that they got to wear such nice outfits.. and when it came to going out, women can wear open toed shoes anywhere..

Quote from: FinallyMichelle on February 07, 2018, 06:41:14 AM
I have always been curious what it would be like to be attracted to women, I think that my life would have been easier had I been attracted to them. The grass is always greener right?

[emoji1] Like physically repulsed by men? Just to clarify, man hate runs rampant sometimes. So, do you girls get that, uuuuh in the pit of your stomachs with women that I do when I am around a man that I am attracted to? Also, I can't imagine a girl, wanting I guess, or having the physical desire that men do, it can be intoxicating being wanted that much. Just a need really that they have but it feels good to be the object of that need. Pathetic of me huh? [emoji38] I know we vilify men, I am guilty too, but they can be pretty incredible as well.

I'm not physically repulsed by men, but definitely not aroused by them and cannot ever see having that "uuuuh in the pit of your stomach" feeling with a man.  I cannot see me having any romantic emotional attachment with a man either. 

I have wondered that if I had been attracted to men,  I might have not tried to fight off the trans beast for so long.  You know, the societal norm of heterosexuality.

Hard to overcome those norms that I grew up with, I did wonder if being trans meant that I was actually attracted to men subconsciously.  That wonder dropped away completely after I figured out I needed to transition.  Since starting HRT my sex drive has been close to nothing,  but the few thoughts I've had have all been lesbian. 





Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk

I realized a few years ago that I was very envious over female the body the way the look, what they wear, just who they are, I never was happy in any relationship with a female before except one and it can't work out between us. I have never been in an actual relationship with a male yet. I have done stuff with them when I was younger always dress as a female and that was fine I tried to do stuff with them as a guy and could not it did not go anywhere it was not me. I am not real attracted to females do I look at them yes  but I do not really think I want to be with them I think  I wish I could have her eyes and her legs and her eyes and I love the way she dresses where did she get that I want it. I no longer imagine myself marrying a female, living with one, holding one at night, I want to be one.

Hey Paige,

I don't remember if I gave my opinion about this in my thread but here it is: I can relate to the envy part, not to the attraction part because I've always been attracted to men. But as I move forward in my transition, I've realized that silly and seemingly unimportant comments I used to make like "women are so lucky because all their clothes are great and they have so many options" etc...deep down showed some level of envy.