Update time again. I have been surprisingly good the last week or so. I can't really explain it, but there have been less stressors and I have been blessedly able to just shrug off most of the ones that occur. I have a silly theory that it's because I dyed my hair red again and I am happier as a redhead. As silly as it sounds there is some merit to the theory. It's so bright and vibrant and just knowing it's there makes me happy. My wife seems to really like it and has been paying a lot more attention to me since we dyed it. I need an armor plate for my butt to protect it from being pinched. I have been getting a lot of compliments on the hair and that always makes me happy too.
I had a pretty rough therapy session last week. A lot of crying and emotional discomfort. As I was driving home the song I was listening too had a line, "I never asked for this, no one ever asked for this, but they gave it to you so you might as well be proud of it. It's not your fault.". I damn near had to pull over because that hit me HARD. I am finally starting to come to grips with how much shame and blame I pile on to myself. Hopefully, this marks a turning point on my road to wellness.
I also had my psychiatry appointment. I had three options. Increase the prozac dosage, try abilify, or try lamictal. I opted to try abilify. It has a more favorable side effect profile. Lamictal seems to interact with Estrogens somehow and could screw with my levels, so I won't try that until after I've tried the other options. It's only been a few days, so it is exceedingly unlikely it is responsible for the better mood lately.
I just want to reiterate how thankful I am to all of you fine people that have shared in my journey and offered support. Someday I won't be feel ashamed at myself when I share things about myself.
Since I am sure people are curious about the hair I finally managed to snap a decent picture. 19 months in and holy crap. For craps and giggles I posted it on the transpassing sub
>-bleeped-< to try to get a non Susan's/neutral perspective and gotten some more validation from strangers, lol.
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