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A Reflection Three Years Down The Line

Started by I Am Jess, February 08, 2018, 08:49:57 PM

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I Am Jess

Three years.  I can't believe that it has been that long since I sat down on my therapists couch and described what I had been fighting all my life.  Today is the 3rd anniversary of the "official" start of my transition. I use the term "official" because it is the date that I sought out the help of a psychological professional to officially begin my transition. I had unofficially began my transition prior to that date by doing research on the internet (I was a member here under a different user name) and obtaining herbal supplements and estrogen gel on the internet. I knew from my research that self medicating was potentially dangerous but I was doing it anyway. That was when I knew it was time to seek professional help. I had only come out in real life to two people prior to that time. My sister and my then girlfriend.


This is a picture of me the day I started vs how I look today


After that appointment I began what can best be described as a whirl wind transition. The short version is:

2-8-15 Start of therapy
2-21-15 Start of electrolysis
3-2-15 Started hormones 
5-22-15 Name and gender change
6-15-15 full time living as Jessie


This is what my facial hair looked like at the start of my transition vs today


This is what I looked like the day I started HRT


And this is me today


I had been in denial about my gender identity issues all my life and as a result I had built up a facade and three years ago that all came crashing down. It has been an amazing three years to get to the point that I am now very comfortable being me.

Some people have asked me why do I post so much "transition related" stuff and pictures on my social media. Some have asked me why am I still posting on this site.  I do it because I feel I have a debt to repay to all of those strong and beautiful ladies who came before me who shared their stories and pictures of transition. They inspired me to be able to make the giant leap of faith that I started three years ago. So, if I can inspire or help even one person here become their true self then it is worth it.

Transition is not for the faint of heart. There are so many things that have to be done in order to make a complete transformation. There is the therapy (needed to get in touch with yourself and to get letters necessary for surgery if you elect to have it), electrolysis (I've been zapped well in excess of 250 hours), coming out to family, friends and your employer, changing your name and gender on legal documents, changing educational, military and financial records. And then there is the prospect of being ridiculed, threatened or assaulted when going out in public.

I used to say that I wasn't courageous for being so open and public in my transition. I was told by a very smart woman to "stop saying that". She reminded me that while I have had a pretty uneventful transition, I had no way of knowing that when I first took that leap of faith. I guess I really did put everything on the line when I made that decision 3 years ago. Starting down that road was scary at first but has everything has progressed, it became less and less scary.

Thank you to all of you who supported me, advised me and loved me. My children have made me so proud with the way they have continued to love and support me as the father they knew has physically become a very different individual. There is no way for me to adequately thank everyone who has helped me get through my transition. Just know that every comment and show of support that has come my way has touched my in my heart. It will be my continued mission in life to help other people realize that they can become their true self. 

All I ask of those who may take some little bit of inspiration or guidance from me is to be sure to repay me by helping those who will come after us.  This site, and some of the people here (and many who have now moved on), were very helpful in my transition process. When I was starting out I had a lot of questions. While I had a fantastic therapist who helped me a lot, I found that getting feedback from other trans individuals was also very valuable. This is one of the few places out in the cyber space world that can provide information and feedback from other trans individuals.

That said I will be glad to answer any questions that anyone has about my transition process or what I had to do to get where I am today.
Follow my life's adventures on Instagram - @jessieleeannmcgrath
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HappyMoni

Jess,
   What an amazing transformation! Congratulations on 3 years. I agree with passing it on to those after us. Thank you for all you have done in this regard. You certainly look happy.
Moni
If I ever offend you, let me know. It's not what I am about.
"Never let the dark kill your light!"  (SailorMars)

HRT June 11, 2015. (new birthday) - FFS in late June 2016. (Dr. _____=Ugh!) - Full time June 18, 2016 (Yeah! finally) - GCS June 27, 2017. (McGinn=Yeah!) - Under Eye repair from FFS 8/17/17 - Nose surgery-November 20, 2017 (Dr. Papel=Yeah) - Hair Transplant on June 21, 2018 (Dr. Cooley-yeah) - Breast Augmentation on July 10, 2018 (Dr. Basner in Baltimore) - Removed bad scarring from FFS surgery near ears and hairline in August, 2018 (Dr. Papel) -Sept. 2018, starting a skin regiment on face with Retin A  April 2019 -repairing neck scar from FFS

]
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Toni

Jess, you look wonderful.  Your post couldn't  have come at a better time, helps to see some other people that really are happy afterward.  Toni
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stephaniec

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KathyLauren

Jess, I particularly like the first pair of photos, the contrast between the very tentative smile before and the proud, confident smile after.  Thank you so much for your posts.  And that goes for all the post-transition folks who stick around to encourage others.  They help all of us following behind you to have hope that our futures can be bright.
2015-07-04 Awakening; 2015-11-15 Out to self; 2016-06-22 Out to wife; 2016-10-27 First time presenting in public; 2017-01-20 Started HRT!!; 2017-04-20 Out publicly; 2017-07-10 Legal name change; 2019-02-15 Approval for GRS; 2019-08-02 Official gender change; 2020-03-11 GRS; 2020-09-17 New birth certificate
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sweetjohnnylat

Thank you for sharing. I'm at the beginning of transitioning. Started doing the facial hair removal. My gender therapist said to find a dr for HRT he's ready to write my approval letter. As I wait I'm working and saving money. I'm wondering how much am I going to be spending total. I'm a great budgeter I want to stay out of debt as I become the real me. I know it probably varies from person to person it would be nice to have a general idea thank you again for inspiration. Thank you


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Angela49

Jess, I am a woman of very few words but you need to know I look forward to seeing pictures of you and reading your comments.
You have and continue to inspire this woman.
I thank you and all the others here who open up to people like me to get a glimpse of what we adaspire to be :)&
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JulieAllana

Jess,
      Even though I am in the very early stages of my transition, I like you feel motivated to post as a means to help others as I have been helped.  I could not be where I am today without some very courageous individuals on youtube posting about their experiences as well as some before/after photos of some extremely masculine individuals who now are about indistinguishable from natal females (that was a big hangup of mine,thinking I would never be able to pass).  I have been making some videos as well, that I too will post on youtube documenting my experiences transitioning from the perspective of someone middle aged (you mostly only see fairly young people).  Keep on posting girl!

            -Julie
1/4/18 - Admission to self of trans - Start of transition
2/10/18 - First time out in public
2/12/18 - Ears Pierced
2/16/18 - Started Laser Hair removal on face
7/4/18 - Down 101 pounds since 1/4/18.  Maybe start HRT at 210-15
9/22/18 - Weighed in @207 (down 113 lbs) this morning.
10/1/18 - Started HRT


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Bari Jo

Jess I love your story, sentiment and your amazing physical changes.  You do inspire and have helped me be more open about myself and comfortable in the process of transition.  You are an inspiration for all of us beginners how to smoothly transition without too much drama and be happy and successful in your life otherwise.   Drinks to you.

Bari Jo
you know how far the universe extends outward? i think i go inside just as deep.

10/11/18 - out to the whole world.  100% friends and family support.
11/6/17 - came out to sister, best day of my life
9/5/17 - formal diagnosis and stopping DIY in favor if prescribed HRT
6/18/17 - decided to stop fighting the trans beast, back on DIY.
Too many ups and downs, DIY, purges of self inbetween dates.
Age 10 - suppression and denial began
Age 8 - knew I was different
  •  

Cassi

Quote from: I Am Jess on February 08, 2018, 08:49:57 PM
Three years.  I can't believe that it has been that long since I sat down on my therapists couch and described what I had been fighting all my life.  Today is the 3rd anniversary of the "official" start of my transition. I use the term "official" because it is the date that I sought out the help of a psychological professional to officially begin my transition. I had unofficially began my transition prior to that date by doing research on the internet (I was a member here under a different user name) and obtaining herbal supplements and estrogen gel on the internet. I knew from my research that self medicating was potentially dangerous but I was doing it anyway. That was when I knew it was time to seek professional help. I had only come out in real life to two people prior to that time. My sister and my then girlfriend.


This is a picture of me the day I started vs how I look today


After that appointment I began what can best be described as a whirl wind transition. The short version is:

2-8-15 Start of therapy
2-21-15 Start of electrolysis
3-2-15 Started hormones 
5-22-15 Name and gender change
6-15-15 full time living as Jessie


This is what my facial hair looked like at the start of my transition vs today


This is what I looked like the day I started HRT


And this is me today


I had been in denial about my gender identity issues all my life and as a result I had built up a facade and three years ago that all came crashing down. It has been an amazing three years to get to the point that I am now very comfortable being me.

Some people have asked me why do I post so much "transition related" stuff and pictures on my social media. Some have asked me why am I still posting on this site.  I do it because I feel I have a debt to repay to all of those strong and beautiful ladies who came before me who shared their stories and pictures of transition. They inspired me to be able to make the giant leap of faith that I started three years ago. So, if I can inspire or help even one person here become their true self then it is worth it.

Transition is not for the faint of heart. There are so many things that have to be done in order to make a complete transformation. There is the therapy (needed to get in touch with yourself and to get letters necessary for surgery if you elect to have it), electrolysis (I've been zapped well in excess of 250 hours), coming out to family, friends and your employer, changing your name and gender on legal documents, changing educational, military and financial records. And then there is the prospect of being ridiculed, threatened or assaulted when going out in public.

I used to say that I wasn't courageous for being so open and public in my transition. I was told by a very smart woman to "stop saying that". She reminded me that while I have had a pretty uneventful transition, I had no way of knowing that when I first took that leap of faith. I guess I really did put everything on the line when I made that decision 3 years ago. Starting down that road was scary at first but has everything has progressed, it became less and less scary.

Thank you to all of you who supported me, advised me and loved me. My children have made me so proud with the way they have continued to love and support me as the father they knew has physically become a very different individual. There is no way for me to adequately thank everyone who has helped me get through my transition. Just know that every comment and show of support that has come my way has touched my in my heart. It will be my continued mission in life to help other people realize that they can become their true self. 

All I ask of those who may take some little bit of inspiration or guidance from me is to be sure to repay me by helping those who will come after us.  This site, and some of the people here (and many who have now moved on), were very helpful in my transition process. When I was starting out I had a lot of questions. While I had a fantastic therapist who helped me a lot, I found that getting feedback from other trans individuals was also very valuable. This is one of the few places out in the cyber space world that can provide information and feedback from other trans individuals.

That said I will be glad to answer any questions that anyone has about my transition process or what I had to do to get where I am today.

Awesome Jess!  Keep inspiring us!!!!!
HRT since 1/04/2018
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