Last night I was hanging out at a McDonald's with a friend, and while he was in the restroom a guy sitting at the next table noticed me and burst out laughing. He whispered something to the guy next to him, I couldn't catch all the words but I could make out he said 'did you see that?' (because apparently I'm an inanimate object). I stared back at him to let him know I was aware of his taunt and he gave me a thumbs up. I felt so embarrassed and humilliated. I was so ashamed I bottled it up and didn't even tell my friend when he came back. I spent all the bus ride back home in tears, thinking of all the things I would've liked to say to that jerk but didn't dare.

I know I shouldn't let some stranger's opinion of me affect me, but I feel so discouraged right now. Sometimes I feel like I should give up on my attempts to be perceived as female and just cut my hair and dress like any ordinary dude. I'd be miserable as hell but I'd fly under the radar. I dunno. I feel like either way I choose is a road to unhappiness.

i have had this experience, i had long hair (not all that feminine it was kinda like a afroish) and as a bigger person i look somewhat androgynous walked by a group of people and they burst out into laughter, some people can just be real A@@holes

Whenever ive had this happen to me i usually just stare at the ground and walk by faster

Yes I've had this happen to me.

I was stopped in the middle of an IKEA store as some jerk blurted out 'that's a guy'.
She got a face full of insult back from me but that is another story.

Why do we transition?

What is it that drives us to be ourselves?

We have to fight medics, family, insurance companies, employers, governments.
We fight.

Why?

We fight because we are real. We are proud people who are living our lives as best as we can.

No we don't deserve all the crap that is thrown at us. We don't deserve the ridicule and the hatred.

But we will over come all of that because in the end we are what matters. Being ourselves and being free to be ourselves.

Some jerk in a McDonalds throws an insult - you know what? He probably doesn't have the brain power to think up an insult.  It is a primal response -oh someone is different to me- I think I'm in a big enough group to be safe if I insult someone. Ha Ha aren't I the clever one?

He is a fool.

So. Don't get sad, be proud. Be proud that you are different and brave. Be proud that you are trying and succeeding. Be proud that you are a lovely human being.

Ignore the trash they go back and hide under their rocks where they feel safe.

Hello,

there's no general answer for the passing problem so i only can reply from my point of view.
When i go outside dressed as woman i'm fully aware of educationally-deprived people who don't know how to deal with TG. Because they're dull they only have 2 states: they laugh or become aggressive.
Why should i care about stupid people? Why should i make decisions about my own life because sb laughed at me?
Do you think they care about YOU, what you think of them?
Live your own life and do not depend on opinions of strangers.

Best

I've also had this happen. I walked into a convenience store and two of the three women behind the counter burst into laughter. With 5 or 6 other customers in the store, I just ignored them. I refused to let them embarrass me.

Yes, it still bothers me to this day. But what I took away from that experience, is that it really wasn't that bad. I didn't take it to heart. They're strangers that I'll probably never see again. And in all reality, their opinion just doesn't matter. After that incident, I gained a tremendous amount of self confidence. I know I don't pass, probably never will. But I'm still not as ugly as those two women.

Hey, we see it all the time, dumb people laugh at other people because they lack the ability to see the other person as a living, breathing, caring person with actual feelings.  They laugh at transgenders, they laugh at very short people, they laugh and stare at very tall people, they laugh at someone with a limp, bad scar, someone that doesn't fit their criteria, whatever that would be.
Best thing to do, like others have suggested, is to hold your composure, try to hold on to any self-confidence and self-assurance that you can muster and IGNORE the ignoramus.  Having a friend with you really helps so until you can again gain your self-confidence it might be best to stick with another person in the short term.  It is too bad that this happens but we can only control our feelings and actions and can not regulate how someone else acts... particularly so with the dimwits that try to shame and laugh about others.  In time, karma will have it's revenge with these idiots.
As StacyRenee stated in the previous reply, "They're strangers that I'll probably never see again."

Its sad to hear this happening.. Those that taunt others would have some issues themselves. Fat guts, big butt, yuck hair, bad teeth etc. I am sure they would not want anyone pointing their flaws out.. No one is perfect...

The LBGT community in Australia are quite well protected now that Same Sex Marriage laws are legal... There is also the Anti Discrimination Act.. Those that do taunt need to realise that they leave themselves open to litigation. If a company does this or their employees, you can contact the Australian Human Rights Commission.. They have to act in accordance with the Act. Its a hassle but eventually people will realise that they cannot just taunt and make a person feel less valued than then are.. Not sure what other countries laws or Act's are in place to protect the LBGTI communities..

When I was younger, up to the age of about 23, I was care free and very happy with being me.. I just about got away with dressing female but I only did it at night. But after I was bashed, left for dead and spent six month in hospital I gave up trying to pass as a female in public. My Gender GP suggest that I suffered some kind of Post Traumatic Syndrome where my male hormones took vengeance on my body .. Within two years, my voice changed, my beard was growing, my hair was even beginning to fall out.. I also began to go grey.. When I was a young person, in the UK it was illegal to be gay or lesbian. I thought Australia was a safer place to live but I read when I arrived here in 1988, that gays were going missing, probably murdered; its been suggested. Very very scary... So a few taunts don't seem to be that bad in the big picture of things.. But still not so good for your own self-esteem.

These days I have a genuine fear of going out in pubic wearing any female clothes, unless I feel I can get away with it.. I do wear nice female stretch jeans and tops, but wear a size a little bigger.. The other day a kid asked his mother if I was a man or a women.. Not really sure why he asked that.. I was not acting as a female and I did not have any makeup on.. I was quite flattered to be honest.. 



TR...

<I removed unneeded comments about cisfemales.
Admin>

There's a reason they call it self-confidence.  It's called that because it comes from within yourself.  It doesn't depend on the approval of others.  Confidence that needs the approval of others may feel better than the lack of it, but it is not self-confidence.

Self-confidence is about knowing in your heart that you are a good person.  That you are strong.  That you have overcome serious obstacles to become your authentic self.  That you make your decisions based on what is right and what affirms yourself and others.  It comes from self-esteem.

Self-confidence allows you to walk past the low-lifes who stare and mutter, with your head held high and a smile on your face because you have found yourself and they haven't.  It is unshakeable.

Sometimes people can be cruel.  They say something, then in some feeble attempt to mitigate the unkind remark, especially after they know they have be caught saying or doing something inappropriate, they say they were "just kidding," or say "can't you take a joke, we were just having some fun? (at YOUR expense, by the way), or give a goofy look, or a thumbs up. 

They were in the wrong, not you.  I hope you have a great day today!


Chrissy

I'm so sorry that happened to you. People just suck sometimes. But when something like that happens consider the source. People who have a need to insult and try to embarrass others are usually very insecure themselves and make fun of others to make themselves feel better. Also transition is very hard and there aren't a lot of people who are strong enough to go through it. Before I transitioned I had people call me ->-bleeped-<-, it, shim, etc and I had people laugh at me. Since I've transitioned I pass very well but I still have some people laugh and say things to me because I'm albino. I've heard all kinds of things said about me. Once when I was walking my dog there was a couple visiting their kids who lived down the street. When I walked past them they gawked at me and I said hi. They didn't day anything but I was well within hearing range when I heard " that weird little albino boy that lives down the street. Yes I'm sure who could forget those weird eyes." then the old guy said something and the big mouth wife said " a sex change I guess".  I had people call me all kinds of things, an alien, a wraith, a ghost, vampire, Stahma Tar (that's an alien character from a sci-fi show), and someone once told me I looked like one of the alien children from Village of the damned. Once at the food court these girls sitting behind me were laughing and saying " ever hear of spray tanning?" " we should start a collection for her".

I used to get annoyed because after the fact I always thought of great replies but in the moment I couldn't ever think of anything. But actually if you totally ignore people who say mean stuff to you it takes away some of the fun for them. The world has a lot of ->-bleeped-<-s in it. People will make fun of any number of things. Being too fat, too thin, little people, developmentally disabled people, deformed people, etc. People who do that are just showing the world what supreme ->-bleeped-<-s they are. Just remember that you have no reason to be embarrassed and keep your head held high.

Bug hugs,

Julia,


Well said by you, in more direct language, and it is unfortunate for sure that some people can be so unkind, as they were with you.

Chrissy

The reason they laugh is because they have been trained and conditioned to do so, not necessarily because they are inherently bad people.  Transgender women have been portrayed in film and screen in a negative light for decades. Consider popular movies like Ace Ventura Pet Detective or Mrs Doubtfire from the 1990s. Adults today grew up watching movies and TV shows like that where trans women were there to be laughed at. So that's become their trained, conditioned response.

Fortunately that is slowly changing in today's society, but it takes time. We'll get there, in the meantime please know that most all of us have all gone through similar experiences. You're not alone.

I'm sorry.  I've only been presenting as myself for a couple months in public, but I know what this is like too and it stinks.  The first time it happened to me was, "that's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," with pointing and laughing.  All I could do was to finish what I was out doing, and consciously hold my head up while I did it, but I'll admit that took a lot of strength and it absolutely crushed me to hear people say something like that.

I've learned in transition that very few people have the courage & strength to live their own life.  Most people are trying to get approval of people around them - weakness is a very common character trait.  We have to find strength most people don't need to find or we basically just slowly die inside.  You've found that courage and strength, clearly.  You are beautiful because of that.

A quote I have on my bathroom mirror:

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

     I wish I could evoke some sentiment that the rest of these amazing ladies haven't already but they have made some amazing and beautiful observations about what we go through and the strength we have to have to do it.  I went out in public for the first time presenting as female yesterday.  First while I didn't get any outright comments, I had some dude take a picture of me with his phone and I had a few interesting looks from some people and a store clerk, but nothing overt.  It was hard and I couldn't have done it without my soon to be ex-wife who went with me.  I knew this was likely and it scared the hell out of me to even try, but I just took a deep breath and plowed forward.
     It is strange, I still have doubts about if I am on the right path (transitioning), but every day, I keep taking another little step towards womanhood.  Why is that do you figure?  If I am not sure, why do I keep going?  Best I can figure, there is something in me that NEEDS to keep going regardless of any ridicule and hardship in front of me.  Nothing about this is easy yet I find myself continually taking the next logical step one day after the other.  I figure that need is within all of us that keep moving forward...we have reached a point that no matter what, we have to be ourselves or just not be, and THAT is unthinkable...at least to me.
    Just keep on truckin', ToriJo, and lean on us, your sisters, when you have to.  We're here for ya and I hope you will be here for us too when that day comes.

           Much love,
                      Julie

Yeah, it sucks.  It truly does.

But don't let the actions of someone you'll probably NEVER see again dictate how you live.  Be yourself and be proud!  You've worked HARD to get to where you are!  Be proud of that!  It takes courage to live as your authentic self, to "go against what society sees as normal." 

Being trans is not an easy road to travel.  But many of us believe it is one worth taking.  So be proud of the fact that you have decided to live your life as the person you should have been born as.

You are loved.  *hug* [emoji173]

Ryuichi

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Quote from: JulieAllana on February 11, 2018, 11:53:46 AMI figure that need is within all of us that keep moving forward...we have reached a point that no matter what, we have to be ourselves or just not be, and THAT is unthinkable...at least to me.

This so accurately describes our journey.  Well said!

If it's a person who I wouldn't care if they dropped dead in front of me I say laugh away.  Keep it moving... My philosophy is it's my life to do as I wish and as long as you are not harming anyone to hell what they think.

Thanks EVERYONE who took the time to answer to this rant of mine and give me courage, it truly means a lot to me <3

Quote from: JulieAllanaIt is strange, I still have doubts about if I am on the right path (transitioning), but every day, I keep taking another little step towards womanhood.  Why is that do you figure?  If I am not sure, why do I keep going?  Best I configure, there is something in me that NEEDS to keep going regardless of any ridicule and hardship in front of me.

I felt so identified with what you said here. There's this inner drive in me that keeps pushing me toward the female end of the spectrum. Even though I find it hard to deal with people staring or sneering. I wish it weren't all about passing, but I also feel like I'd be so much happier if I could just go around and socialize like any regular cis girl.

i get laughed at and stared at too. somebody once laughed at me so hard that they had to stop because they couldn't breathe...while i was standing there, unable to breathe and trying not to cry not out of laughter, but because i was so upset by it. but the thing i always tell myself is these people's lives are sad. they are afraid of differentiation. they may not be trans themselves, but i can guarantee that there are things they want to change in their lives, maybe their hair or their marriage or their hobbies, but because they are so afraid of venturing out of the box to make themselves happy, they will never achieve that self satisfaction. you are brave enough to have done so. you are brave and strong and powerful enough to have stepped out into the world as your true self - that's impressive on its own, without even thinking about the fact that people like this are so cowardly that they think mocking/degrading/hurting you will make up for their own misfortunes. of course, they don't deserve pity, but i think it's important to remember your own bravery and to compare it to their lack of.

Sometimes I think I'd tell them, wouldn't it be funny if you got your ass kicked by a ->-bleeped-<-?


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