So I've had a long history with just suppressing these feelings for like 16 years now. I'm 23 now and I just want to see what I can finally do.

So I'm a very shy, socially awkward person, and well never had the courage to go see someone about this, but last week I finally went to see a counsellor about how I was feeling, I took the first steps I needed and now it's most likely a weekly thing. However, I just don't know how I feel right now.

My understanding of myself is that I've been wanting to be a girl for so very long now, it's always how I've felt. I went to see a Psychologist when I was 14 but I got stage fright and said I forgot why I was there, I could have already fully transitioned by now but was too scared too.

Now that I'm 23, to me, I feel like I if I don't do it now I'm going to lose my chance so I'm going to see my options, and I really ready to go ahead with my feelings. I just have some hiccups that I don't think I can ignore.

I have a girlfriend, an online relationship of about 4-5 years now, been to see her once. I love her to bits and I can see myself with her forever, she knows about my feelings and she said she has kinda the same 'feelings' but different. She sees herself as Genderfluid and as a compromise I just made myself believe I was the same so we can both be happy, but recently I just can't stop thinking about transitioning.. she's a very lovely and kind girl, she's something I can see myself wanting to be but I don't know if I can go through with this knowing that will end our relationship, badly.

I know it's all about what I want but I'm the type of person that just can't do that, I need to think about all the grand things that will be affected in my choice... another thing is I don't want to be alone when I start. She will go and at best will be friends, but I want to be loved like I do now and have someone there but I just don't know how I can do that and it scares me to no end.

Another worry is of course family and my roommate that I have known for 15 years now, he's a good guy but even still. It's that opening up part that is always that hardest to friends and family that I know everyone struggles with.

My counsellor when talking to me asked me why I feel this way, what makes me think I'm a girl and I honestly don't know how to answer that, it's just how I feel. I feel happy, safe, just.. better in that body, it's who and what I want to be. Even though I can be happy as I am in a way I just want to be who I am finally, but I just don't know if I can pass the hurdle.

Hello, I'm Spoon. I really relate to how you feel. I could possibly give you advice and support if you'd like.


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Quote from: Spoon on February 11, 2018, 04:49:43 AM
Hello, I'm Spoon. I really relate to how you feel. I could possibly give you advice and support if you'd like.


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I would really love any kind of advice I can get.

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Quote from: LittleAshley on February 11, 2018, 04:51:01 AM
I would really love any kind of advice I can get.

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I'm 21, the first time I went to a therapist to talk about my gender identity at age 18, I sat in the chair in silence for 20 minuets before I finally got the courage to admit why I was there, so you're not alone there

You've been with your girlfriend for quite a while it seems, and the fact that she has displayed a certain gender preference herself is a good sign, she seems to be open minded on the subject especially if she already has some sort of idea of how you feel about yourself.   I'd say you would want to ease into the conversation slowly and just be honest with her. But you need to make sure the time is right for you. And if it weren't meant to be, worst case scenario you could stay strong friends.

As for your roommate, you've known them for a long time, too. And again, make sure if you do decide to tell him that the time is right for you. You live together and if he doesn't accept you it may cause a dangerous environment.
However, I remember I was so scared to tell my friend how I felt about my identity. I was so scared to open up that I pushed him away until one day he noticed that my chest was flat and asked if I wore a binder, after that we became best friends and were even more than that. Yes it was a complete accident, but the point is my fear was irrational because in the end he accepted me for my true self. You'll never know the outcome of a situation if you live your life in the Unknown.

Yes, it's scary and confusing, and I know that better than most, that's why I'm here for ya lol.



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Quote from: LittleAshley on February 11, 2018, 01:04:13 AM
So I've had a long history with just suppressing these feelings for like 16 years now. I'm 23 now and I just want to see what I can finally do.

So I'm a very shy, socially awkward person, and well never had the courage to go see someone about this, but last week I finally went to see a counsellor about how I was feeling, I took the first steps I needed and now it's most likely a weekly thing. However, I just don't know how I feel right now.

My understanding of myself is that I've been wanting to be a girl for so very long now, it's always how I've felt. I went to see a Psychologist when I was 14 but I got stage fright and said I forgot why I was there, I could have already fully transitioned by now but was too scared too.

Now that I'm 23, to me, I feel like I if I don't do it now I'm going to lose my chance so I'm going to see my options, and I really ready to go ahead with my feelings. I just have some hiccups that I don't think I can ignore.

I have a girlfriend, an online relationship of about 4-5 years now, been to see her once. I love her to bits and I can see myself with her forever, she knows about my feelings and she said she has kinda the same 'feelings' but different. She sees herself as Genderfluid and as a compromise I just made myself believe I was the same so we can both be happy, but recently I just can't stop thinking about transitioning.. she's a very lovely and kind girl, she's something I can see myself wanting to be but I don't know if I can go through with this knowing that will end our relationship, badly.

I know it's all about what I want but I'm the type of person that just can't do that, I need to think about all the grand things that will be affected in my choice... another thing is I don't want to be alone when I start. She will go and at best will be friends, but I want to be loved like I do now and have someone there but I just don't know how I can do that and it scares me to no end.

Another worry is of course family and my roommate that I have known for 15 years now, he's a good guy but even still. It's that opening up part that is always that hardest to friends and family that I know everyone struggles with.

My counsellor when talking to me asked me why I feel this way, what makes me think I'm a girl and I honestly don't know how to answer that, it's just how I feel. I feel happy, safe, just.. better in that body, it's who and what I want to be. Even though I can be happy as I am in a way I just want to be who I am finally, but I just don't know if I can pass the hurdle.

Hi, Ashley!

Welcome to Susan's.

This is something to talk through with your therapist.  It is important to remember that you can't truly be there for someone if you are not yourself.  Suppressing yourself for your girlfriend, your roommate or your family is not doing them any favours.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
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Quote from: Spoon on February 11, 2018, 05:21:45 AM
I'm 21, the first time I went to a therapist to talk about my gender identity at age 18, I sat in the chair in silence for 20 minuets before I finally got the courage to admit why I was there, so you're not alone there

You've been with your girlfriend for quite a while it seems, and the fact that she has displayed a certain gender preference herself is a good sign, she seems to be open minded on the subject especially if she already has some sort of idea of how you feel about yourself.   I'd say you would want to ease into the conversation slowly and just be honest with her. But you need to make sure the time is right for you. And if it weren't meant to be, worst case scenario you could stay strong friends.

As for your roommate, you've known them for a long time, too. And again, make sure if you do decide to tell him that the time is right for you. You live together and if he doesn't accept you it may cause a dangerous environment.
However, I remember I was so scared to tell my friend how I felt about my identity. I was so scared to open up that I pushed him away until one day he noticed that my chest was flat and asked if I wore a binder, after that we became best friends and were even more than that. Yes it was a complete accident, but the point is my fear was irrational because in the end he accepted me for my true self. You'll never know the outcome of a situation if you live your life in the Unknown.

Yes, it's scary and confusing, and I know that better than most, that's why I'm here for ya lol.



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Wow, it's nice to meet you!

As my post said I'm 23 and well for what you said thanks, is good to have they help and advice.

For my roommate I know he will be chill with it, I'm his best friend, hell we've been friends since grade two and we know everything about each other and what we're like. I've been hiding this from him and it'll feel so good to let it out but at you said, when the time is right. I will only come out when I know for certain this is the path I'm going to take, and most likely will.

My main concern is my girlfriend. I love her to bits and she knows that and loves me to, got promise rings and everything. I just... I know how she is like and saying this what I want to do I think will destroy get cause she has said time after time that she is not interested in girls. It's something I fear, cause even if we can't stay together I want to be friends but she..I don't know what she will do.

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Quote from: KathyLauren on February 11, 2018, 05:43:16 AM
Hi, Ashley!

Welcome to Susan's.

This is something to talk through with your therapist.  It is important to remember that you can't truly be there for someone if you are not yourself.  Suppressing yourself for your girlfriend, your roommate or your family is not doing them any favours.

Please feel free to stop by the Introductions forum to tell the members about yourself.  Here is some information that we like to share with new members:

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	Cautionary Note	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Yeah I know it's something I should talk to him about, but I'm sure I can get out worked out in time.

Thanks for the information, I'll be sure to look at it X3

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You can private message me if you'd like to keep this conversation contained.



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Think I'm too new to send off PM's.

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Quote from: LittleAshley on February 11, 2018, 06:00:55 AM
Think I'm too new to send off PM's.

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Okay! Just let me know if you don't want to go into something .

Sometimes love changes things about people that they once thought to be true. My friend that I told you about wanted to date me for a long time before he knew about my gender identity, it's the reason I pushed him away at first. Conversations came up before and he was adamant that he wasn't gay. We were friends for years after that he found out, and he realized that he was attracted to me as a person through the time of our friendship. That's not to say anything about your girlfriend, but sometimes love can make you see people for more than their outward appearance. And this could be romantic love or just the love people have for cherished friends.  I don't mean to say that's what the situation will be, my only goal is to give you examples of possible positive outcomes through experience. Because the worst thing is living with constant anxiety of the Unknown with your doubts consuming your thoughts.


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When I met my wife all we could consider was a straight-standard hetero marriage; there wasn't even Internet to tell us differently. I, however, was curious, and she had her own secrets. It took a series of family tragedies (four deaths on my side) to jar me emotionally, to get me to face what I'd ignored for so long. But when I came out she hadn't yet confronted her secrets, and back into the closet I went.

It took me another 20 years to face reality and recognize what not talking was doing to me. I came out again, and found a therapist, ready to talk. My wife found her will and recognized her non-binary nature. Fortunately we overcame the shock of coming out and still love each other fiercely. We communicate more, and more effectively.

But we had a relationship before coming out to our true selves, and worked hard to keep it together. Yours is new and you know each other already. You will still have to work for it, but the result is worth it in my opinion.

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