Seriously, this is really hard.

I've finally come to begin to accept who I am and what that means for me (MTF).  I started feeling really confident in what I wanted and how 'far' I wanted to go - what was important to me and what I felt I needed to be comfortable with myself and my appearance and who I am.  I feel like I'm ready to move forward and to start HRT.  But I made myself a promise - a self-inflicted obstacle a month or so ago to make sure I was ready before I did anything.

I told myself I had to come out and tell people - specifically, four really close friends/family members.  Because I decided if I couldn't do that and make it 'real', then I wasn't serious about this.

The problem is I am totally serious about this, but trying to figure out how the hell to come out to these people is really hard.  I feel like I have no idea how anyone will respond, and it terrifies me to put myself out there in such a vulnerable position.  I don't even know how to start the conversation!

Any advice?  Or suggestions on how to come out?  I really want to do this, but every time I start to think I'm ready I also start to panic.

Write a letter saying what you want to say then set a time and a place. If you find you freeze when trying to tell them, give them letter and wait for them to read it. The important thing is not to let the deadline pass without doing one of the above items.

I was in exactly this position two years ago.  Exactly.  I knew I had to come out as the first step in a transition that I had to do.  It wasn't really how to come out that was the hard part: obviously the how was to say, "Sweetie, I'm transgenger."  The hard part was how to get past the fear that was preventing me from doing it.

It literally took me months to get past the fear.  So many times, I thought, "Now is the perfect time", I'd draw a breath, get my lips and tongue in position to speak the first syllable, and then freeze in a panic attack.  The words literally would not form in my mouth.

I kept at it.  The repetition built up a layer of self-loathing that I don't recommend, but which helped motivate me to eventually do it.  If I hadn't done it, I would have hated myself so badly...

I also contemplated, especially after each failed attempt, what my life would be like if I didn't come out: a gradual downhill spiral of frustration and cowardice, with an added garnish of fresh self-loathing.  I saw myself as a bitter old man, pining for the happy life that might have been.  And I knew that only I myself would be to blame for that fate.

That was not a pleasant thought to contemplate, but it did help get me motivated.  I compared that future to the possible futures if I did come out.  I had faith in the good character of my wife, and knew that there was a good chance she might stay with me.  And that, if she left me, we could probably come to an amicable agreement.

I finally ended up giving myself a "mantra" to recite: "Gotta do it."  I'd be out there on our daily dog walk, and, in my mind, I would be repeating, "Gotta do it.  Gotta do it.  Gotta do it."  I rehearsed (many times!) the exact words I would say.  Finally, the repetition got to me, and I did it.  In a strange, detatched state, I heard my own voice say the words, "I think I am transgender."  It wasn't my imagination: I really did say it.

I get it that it is hard.  It was probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I've done some difficult things.  It felt like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute.  But by that time, I knew that I could not survive with any degree of sanity if I didn't do it.  I just had to trust that my wife could catch me.

And she did. 

I have no idea if that is helpful to you.  The demon you face is internal, and ultimately, you have to face it alone.  That is how I did it, and it was the turning point in my life.

Good luck!

The first person I told was my GP as I knew I could trust him and it would be confidential. That put the process in motion for me.

To be honest when the time came to tell my family I didn't come out I sort of fell out as my situation had become untenable, I guess I was ready.

Peace and love and all that good stuff,

Sadie

I chose one person at a time and just told them via phone or face to face. I came to the realization that for me its all or nothing so once I made up my mind I just did it.

Each one gets a little easier as you become more comfortable with yourself. The first one is by far the hardest. The first friend or family member I came out to was my wife. I knew I could never get the words out, so I wrote a letter and gave it to her while we were getting ready to go to bed. Unfortunately it did not go well. We are still together, but it required several visits to a therapist, and my wife is still not very happy. The second person was my manager, he is in another state so I sent him an email. His response was awesome. By the time I got to my daughters I was finally able to read through my letter. It is not an easy thing to do, but once someone provides acceptance you will feel like the weight of the world is lifted off of your shoulders. I wish you the best of luck on your journey!

I'm only really out to my parents, I tried to just force myself to do it at dinner one night, I ended up getting so nervous they wanted to know what was going on so I just let it out. One thing I'd read somewhere is not to use the term transgender. They may have preconceived notions about the word that you don't want to activate.

Eventually, coming out to someone will be a non-event. This experience is like many others that are scary the first time you have them -- going into the deep end of the pool, for example, or jumping off the high diving board. The first time, it's terrifying; but eventually you won't think twice about it -- at least, not for the reason you are now.

You fear rejection, condemnation. Your self-image as transgender is still young and fragile. I think that's probably the basis of the problem. Time and experience will change that.

The first civilian -- i.e., non-transgender person or health professional -- that I came out to was someone who I considered a good friend, but whom I had never met. I knew her on the internet. She was very supportive. The second was in desperation -- a cis woman I had worked with for a few years but who had moved on. I needed help buying makeup and I had nowhere else to turn. I called her, came out to her and got her help.

Other than those two experiences, coming out for me was largely indirect for quite a while. My presentation changed, and I dropped hints here and there. When I finally had "the conversation" with a co-worker, she had already figured it out.

My family and I have been estranged for many years; still, I felt I needed to come out to my sister. That was probably the most difficult coming-out experience thus far. But, by then, my confidence had grown to the point where it was possible. I still haven't come out to my employer, but I learned recently that he knows already.

So, based on my experience, I'd say confidence is the issue. Is there a reason you have to come out to family immediately? Can you get some experience under your belt first? It might make it easier. It did for me.

It's different for everyone.  No one is in the same situation. As for me I first had to admit it to myself.  Then I had to tell my wife.  That was the hardest and scariest time.  Luckily it worked out.  Next I told a good friend at work.  Then next came some of my family, then some of my wife's family.  One of the harder ones was telling my partner at work.  He can be very hard to read concerning some stuff.  Finally I made a post on Facebook and changed my name there the next day.  So far it has all been good.